Often, those with CPTSD were raised in homes with some kind of abuse, neglect, or other form of trauma. Unfortunately, this makes us primed up to get into similarly abusive situations as adults. Our nervous systems are already wired to respond to the up-down cycle of intermittent reinforcement that is so characteristic of toxic and abusive relationships.
When we get into these relationships, we often find ourselves deep in the clutches of a trauma bond with the toxic individual who is causing us so much pain. We can logically know that this person is not good for us and even make plans to leave, but some powerful force seems to keep pulling us back to them time and time again.
So, what is a trauma bond, why is it so powerful, and how can we start to break it?
The term “trauma bond,” was coined by Patrick Carnes, who developed the term to describe how the “misuse of fear, excitement, and sexual feelings,” can be used to trap or entangle another person. Put more simply, trauma bonds occur when we go through periods of intense love and excitement with a person followed by periods of abuse, neglect, and mistreatment. The cycle of being devalued and then rewarded over and over, works overtime to create a strong chemical and hormonal bond between a victim and his or her abuser. This is why victims of abuse often describe feeling more deeply bonded to their abuser than they do to people who actually consistently treat them well.
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For more information on CPTSD, including resources and materials to help in healing and living with Complex PTSD symptoms, head over to CPTSDfoundation.org.
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