For years...decades actually... I have been trained to be quiet. Don't talk about it. I tried to go to the adult. I tried to tell someone. I was a little kid that tried...and was hushed. Now I'm a 50 year old adult just trying to survive and most days I do that by hiding. Hiding myself. Hiding the pain. Surrounding myself with children...because they are safer to me than adults. My health has suffered in incredible ways and now I'm just looking to heal....and teach others to do the same.
I took the ACE's test. My score was too high to mention...and so that he could understand I told my husband my score and asked him to take it. He scored 0. It was equally as impossible for me to understand how he could score so low as for him to understand how I could score so high. He is very supportive loving and kind...but I understand his confusion. I can't grasp how he could have been brought up in a home void of the violence when I had more than I could possibly manage emotionally in mine.
The tears will not stop but I am convinced that they are the beginning stages of healing. For myself and anyone on this planet that I can possibly take on this journey with me.
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