One after one, time after time, from both men and women, young and old, white-collar and blue-collar, the message was the same, “I’m not worthy. I’m not important. I’m not enough.”
If you were asked to define “abuse,” you might not be able to give a Webster’s dictionary type response, but you would certainly be able to provide categories such as: physical, emotional, sexual, and verbal abuse.
If you and I delved deeper into what underlies abusive behavior, we might recognize that abuse is “any attempt to impose one’s will over another.” (1)
And if you were asked to define “violence,” I’m sure we would agree that such behaviors as slamming doors, punching walls, yelling, breaking things, cleaning a gun or sharpening a knife could be seen as “any behavior designed to create fear.” (1)
But when we start trying to define “cruelty,” I’m confident we need to broaden our thinking. Why? Because cruelty involves two points: “the intentional infliction of pain and/or suffering, and the blatant disregard of another.” (1)
Somehow, in our culture, actually, in many cultures, we tend to minimize or rationalize a person’s violent behavior. We say someone is “just hot-headed;” or “she was provoked,” or “he didn’t mean it - that’s not who he really is.”
And every time that happens, someone - often a child - dies a little bit inside.
We shame, criticize, objectify, ignore, bully, threaten, neglect, gaslight, and gossip about the people we say we love.
We shove, hit, punch, kick, abuse, beat with switches, straps, belts, paddles, books, fly swatters, telephone cords, yardsticks, and hairbrushes “for their own good.”
We engage in, support, and promote racism, sexism, ableism, classism, and sectarianism because we were prejudicially taught somewhere in our past that one person is better than another person based on their difference from us.
What is the response to all these actions? The response is hurt, fear, anguish, terror, confusion, helplessness, hopelessness, angst, loneliness, rage, hatred, emptiness, and countless other feelings that lead us to believe we are unloved, unwanted, or unimportant.
To continue reading the post, please click here: Why We Struggle with Thinking "I'm Not Worthy."
I speak and train on the topic of discovering how the framework of trauma, trust, and hope is the key to impactful leadership. If you would like to know more, please visit my website mrchrisfreeze.com.
Photo of "Courage" by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash.
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