This is the story of a 24-year-old woman in San Francisco who asked to remain anonymous.
I am feeling depressed. It started more than a year and a half ago. I noticed that on my hour commute home that I felt something close to nothing. Not excited about things I had going on, kind of just "meh". I can calculate how "meh" my day is by thinking about things I should be excited about: Two-week trip to New Zealand, meh. My parents' loving labrador, meh. I waited and waited to get excited about something, but nothing happened.
I feel very little excitement or gratitude or wonder these days. I have a steady income, great roommates, a good job, a loving boyfriend, a supportive family. I've gotten to take trips and see places a lot of people haven't. But gratitude and excitement are missing from my emotional vocabulary. I know when I should be having fun, and sometimes I do. I know when I should be excited, and sometimes I say I am. It makes it easy to hide from other people. It's confusing for other people who think from the outside that things look normal. It's confusing for myself because it's up and down. It's not all bad; I would say out of 10, my happiness level swings somewhere between a four and a seven.
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