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The Strong and Stressed Black Woman [NYTimes.com]

 

Ms. T., 75, came to see me for therapy after a man stole her purse. He was in a car and lured her over under the guise of asking directions. Then he grabbed her bag and stepped on the accelerator. She was dragged halfway down the block before she let go. When I saw her a month later, she was still in physical pain from her injuries and emotional pain from having endured a traumatic experience.

Ms. T. had raised three successful children as a single mother, while enjoying a prosperous career as the head of a social services agency. She had gone through difficult times before, but she’d always been able to overcome them. Now she was embarrassed that she hadn’t been able to “get over” what had happened. She didn’t want to show her adult children her “weakness” and lean on them for support. She believed in therapy, in theory, but was ashamed to be the one who needed it. She no longer saw herself as the “strong black woman” she had once been.

This Strong Black Woman is a cultural icon, born of black women’s resilience in the face of systemic oppression that has dismantled families and made economic stability a formidable challenge. She is self-sufficient and self-sacrificing. She is a provider, caretaker and homemaker. And often, she is suffering.

[To read this opinion piece by clinical psychologist Inger E. Burnett-Zeigler, Ph.D., go, to https://www.nytimes.com/2018/0...sed-black-woman.html]



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Reading this triggered a visceral response.  The strong, self sacrificing black woman troupe SO reminds me of myself years ago.  It took a break caused by mounting life adversity and racism experienced by me and my offspring in parallel before I began to embrace a new way of being.  I even thought being self sacrificing was a virtue worth passing forward.  Ugh!  I rarely feel the need to sacrifice my preferences and when I do, I commit to being selfish. Sounds strange but believe me I've given my pound of flesh several times over.  Fortunately, some years ago I started parenting in a way that dismissed the self sacrificial black woman narrative. Leadership and martyrdom need not go hand in hand. 

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