The holidays offer us a moment when we can show our children through action that life goes on, that difficulties can be overcome, that there can be joy and blessings amidst pain. This models giving life the best we have to give it at that moment.
For families who struggle with addiction or other forms of adverse childhood experiences, rituals that remain in tact can be a way of telling kids that life will go on, of reassuring them that bonds still have meaning and that their place in the scheme of things is not shaken.
Trauma makes the world seem unreliable whether that world is an inner world that feels scattered and disorganized making it difficult to focus, or an outer world that feels altered and different. Maintaining normal routines gives children something to grab onto, it is a way of keeping the structure of their world feeling reliable and safe.
When we maintain routines and rituals we’re telling our kids that they are worth remembering, worth going to effort for, that they are valued and have a place held secure for them in the world we create as adults, relatives and parents.
Rituals help us remember that even though times might be difficult, there is a larger plan somewhere that remains in tact. In families that are experiencing the disruption of addiction and/or treatment from addiction, respecting rituals, doing our best to remember what’s good in the holiday season and expressing gratitude and appreciation for all of life’s continued blessings, can help children to feel secure. It can provide a calm center in what may feel like a storm.
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