Ten Things Grieving Children Want You To Know
1. Children want to be told the truth about the death:
- Tell them in age-appropriate and direct language
- Ask them if they have any questions and clear up misconceptions
2. Children look to you as a role model for how people grieve:
- Share your feelings with them as long as they are relieved of the task of having to “fix it”
- Each child will grieve in their own unique way
- They will grieve alone in an effort to shield you from their pain
3. Children want to talk about their person who died:
- They need you to tolerate listening when they tell their story or share their feelings
- They fear that they will forget their loved one
4. Children express their emotions through play and behaviors which may be problematic for you:
- They can’t always tolerate intense emotions or know how to talk about them
- They might make decisions you don’t agree with
- They need to take breaks from their grief and engage in age appropriate activities.
5. Children need to know who would take care of them if you could not:
- They may fear for your safety especially when you are apart
6. Children benefit from being included in mourning rituals:
- Your child needs the opportunity to participate in ongoing rituals
- Rituals aid in their understanding of death
7. They need you to help them feel safe:
- Provide clear and consistent boundaries, limits and expectations
- Give them room to safely interact with peers and adults outside of the family
8. They need to be taught coping strategies:
- Include ways to comfort themselves in your absence
9. Children need to be included when making decisions:
- About how to celebrate holidays, birthdays and anniversaries
- About other family circumstances such moving or changing schools.
10. Children need you to take care of yourself: they will only adapt as well as you do.
Author Lauren Schneider, LCSW Clinical Director of Child and Adolescent Programs
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