Postpartum Depression: Why The Word ‘Should’ Is So Dangerous [HuffingtonPost.com]

You should be happy. You should be thinner. You should always be filled with joy. You should be breastfeeding. You should be equally attentive to your other children. You should be socializing. You should be stronger. You should be more resilient. You should be more than what you are.

Sound familiar?

We live in a society that tells women how they should feel, think and look as mothers, even in early motherhood. Such repeated messages are easily internalized and, inevitably, they lead to feelings of failure, shame and guilt when many mothers are unable to live up to an impossible standard.

Many moms that I see tend to feel that because they have not been able to achieve such goals, they are somehow deficient. Worse yet, many fear that they may have somehow harmed their babies by not living up to such standards. Common themes I hear are that moms who suffer from postpartum depression worry that this is a “failure” that is predictive of several further parenting failures in the future. Or that, since they endured such horrific depression this time, they might as well give up hope of ever having a second child for fear of having a similar experience.