"My name is Cassandra and at the age of 12, on July 29th 2014, I lost my father to a drug poisoning*. I can't fully explain the impact this has had on me, because for most of my life, the stigma of substance use encouraged me to do everything I could to prevent the outside from looking in, ensuring I didn’t talk about it. But today, I’m talking and using my voice to advocate for other youth who cannot, yet, talk. "
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August 31 is International Overdose Awareness Day, the world’s largest annual campaign to end overdose, remember without stigma those who have died from overdose, and acknowledge the grief of the family and friends left behind.
The 2023 theme is “Recognizing those people who go unseen” and is about acknowledging people in our communities who are affected by overdose or toxic drug supply but might go unseen in the crisis. In Canada, the most common age of death from drug toxicity is 30-59, and the average age of a first-time parent is 31. Although Canada is not tracking the number of parents that have died from the crisis, some areas in the USA have preliminary numbers that suggest up to 50% of deaths are of a parent. Yet, many bereaved youth continue to go unseen and are left navigating the stress and stigma alone.
"Although I feel relieved that my dad no longer has to struggle anymore and can finally have the peace he has always deserved today, the judgement of society continues to shout that my father’s death is considered marginal- as if somehow, he deserved or wanted to die, and all because his death was associated with substances. It is hard to fully understand and grieve when everyone- politicians, community, family-has an opinion about what you should feel towards the person who uses substances and how they should have done things differently. The stigma that prevails around substance use and harm reduction efforts contribute to the harsh realities that substance users face, as well as the complex grief, shame, and isolation that youth experience when a parent dies."
1. Don’t undermine the relationship between the youth and the parent. Many youth love their parent and are therefore grieving the loss of someone they love, just like any other loss.
2. Understand that grief looks different for everyone, as grief is not linear: it can look like intense anger and rage, where guilt and shame make simple events and conversations unbearable; it can be prolonged quietness or disconnection that looks like not listening or appearing to care, avoiding or ignoring family and friends, or missing school.
3. Ask what they need: Do not assume you know what the youth needs, ask.
4. Create space for grieving by simply listening: pay attention to what they say and what they don't say: can they trust you? will you shame or blame them or their parent? Will you let them be angry, sad, and grieve without judgment?
6. Being mindful of the use of language: refrain from saying addict/junkie/ deadbeat parent etc. that can prevent the youth from trusting to share how they feel.
Cassandra is a youth co-lead at Family Advocacy Support Centre (previously Starlings Community).
www.familyadvocacysupportcentre.ca
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