Lost Child Syndrome

@Mary Martell posted:

Hi Frank, I am sorry but I have never ever heard one person question their ability to raise their child or children in a mentally healthy manner.  I have had friends in 7 decades that didn't have a clue to even know how to feed or clothe a baby or even how to fill out or practice for a job interview to make money to take care of a baby.  Many parents are working 2 or even 3 jobs, and school when in session is not the school you might have gone to back in the day.  We no longer have Home Economics where young people were taught how to take care of babies and curl their hair and give themselves a manicure, and even our art and music programs have disappeared off the list on this years coming curriculum and probably the next ten years of curriculum.

Today's students must have a high level of motivation now to succeed in school. And that high level of motivation must cover the sciences, and psychiatry and even a crash course in Nursing 101. I was a self starter and read whatever I could about whatever interested me.  Some things I have kept up with and some things I have dropped by the wayside, but educating me was at my own speed and risk and responsibility.  We do better by honoring those students and children who ask questions, who beg for information , who want to learn things regardless of whether those things are found on line or in a Brick and Mortar  Library.

I raised children knowing the right things, but never had considered the trauma that affected my whole life from Birth until now.  It is only as our vision clears can we understand what We "Should Have Done"  in all the years following our arrival here at this place, this time.  Everyone has their day when the River Denial clears up just enough to get a glimpse of all the Shoulds, and Coulds and Maybes and Might Haves.  Our job as recovering Trauma Survivors is to stay awake and be present when the Denial clears up so we can get a handle on our own lives and begin to love ourselves for our own Strength and Goodness

MM

Greetings, Mary; I appreciate your response to my comment.

I would not find it surprising if most, or even all, parents would never admit to others their inability to rear their children in a psychologically healthy/functional manner. I, too, have yet to hear such an admission. Nonetheless, the dysfunctional parenting occurs, maybe a lot more often than what is officially acknowledged.

And a person does not have to have suffered high levels of childhood adversity trauma in order to practice dysfunctional parenting. To quote Dr. Alvin F. Poussaint (Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School): “This is the most important job we have to do as humans and as citizens … If we offer classes in auto mechanics and civics, why not parenting? A lot of what happens to children that’s bad derives from ignorance … Parents go by folklore, or by what they’ve heard, or by their instincts, all of which can be very wrong.”

I'd like to see child-development science curriculum implemented for secondary high school students, which could also include neurodiversity, albeit not overly complicated. It would, however, be more detailed than diaper changing and baby feeding. If nothing else, the curriculum could offer students an idea/clue as to whether they’re emotionally/mentally compatible with the immense responsibility and strains of parenthood.

I've heard criticism that such curriculum would bore thus repel students from attending the classes to their passable-grade completion; however, could not the same reservation have been put forth in regards to other currently well-established and valued course subjects, both mandatory and elective, at the time they were originally proposed? (Also, currently well-established and valued course subjects, such as algebra and chemistry, likely won’t be of future use to students.)

Additionally, the flipside to that argument is that such curriculum (which could be based on the four parenting styles: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Uninvolved) may actually result in a novel effect on student minds, thereby stimulating interest in what otherwise can be a monotonous daily high-school routine. Some exceptionally receptive students may even be inspired to take up post-secondary studies specializing in child psychological and behavioral disorders.
________

“The way a society functions is a reflection of the childrearing practices of that society. Today we reap what we have sown. Despite the well-documented critical nature of early life experiences, we dedicate few resources to this time of life. We do not educate our children about child development, parenting, or the impact of neglect and trauma on children.”   Dr. Bruce D. Perry, Ph.D. & Dr. John Marcellus

“I remember leaving the hospital thinking, ‘Wait, are they going to let me just walk off with him? I don’t know beans about babies! I don’t have a license to do this. We’re just amateurs’.”   Anne Tyler, Breathing Lessons

“It’s only after children have been discovered to be severely battered that their parents are forced to take a childrearing course as a condition of regaining custody. That’s much like requiring no license or driver’s ed[ucation] to drive a car, then waiting until drivers injure or kill someone before demanding that they learn how to drive.”   Myriam Miedzian, Ph.D.

Hi Frank, I am sorry but I have never ever heard one person question their ability to raise their child or children in a mentally healthy manner.  I have had friends in 7 decades that didn't have a clue to even know how to feed or clothe a baby or even how to fill out or practice for a job interview to make money to take care of a baby.  Many parents are working 2 or even 3 jobs, and school when in session is not the school you might have gone to back in the day.  We no longer have Home Economics where young people were taught how to take care of babies and curl their hair and give themselves a manicure, and even our art and music programs have disappeared off the list on this years coming curriculum and probably the next ten years of curriculum.

Today's students must have a high level of motivation now to succeed in school. And that high level of motivation must cover the sciences, and psychiatry and even a crash course in Nursing 101. I was a self starter and read whatever I could about whatever interested me.  Some things I have kept up with and some things I have dropped by the wayside, but educating me was at my own speed and risk and responsibility.  We do better by honoring those students and children who ask questions, who beg for information , who want to learn things regardless of whether those things are found on line or in a Brick and Mortar  Library.

I raised children knowing the right things, but never had considered the trauma that affected my whole life from Birth until now.  It is only as our vision clears can we understand what We "Should Have Done"  in all the years following our arrival here at this place, this time.  Everyone has their day when the River Denial clears up just enough to get a glimpse of all the Shoulds, and Coulds and Maybes and Might Haves.  Our job as recovering Trauma Survivors is to stay awake and be present when the Denial clears up so we can get a handle on our own lives and begin to love ourselves for our own Strength and Goodness

MM

Too many people will procreate regardless of their questionable ability to raise their children in a mentally healthy/functional manner. Being free nations, society cannot prevent anyone from bearing children. Society can, however, thoroughly educate all young people for the most important job ever, even those who currently plan to remain childless.

Like plenty others out there, I believe the wellbeing of all children — and not just what other parents’ children might/will cost us as future criminals or costly cases of government care, etcetera — should be of importance to us all, regardless of whether we’re doing a great job with our own developing children. A mentally sound future should be every child’s fundamental right (up there with air/water/food), especially considering the very troubled world into which they never asked to enter.

I am a lost child.  I did not think there was such a thing.  Or at least had never thought of putting a name or category to myself. Imagine my surprise to read this and  the article this morning. 

Thank you so much for this

MM