By Andrea Adelson, ESPN, February 14, 2020
Willis May keeps reminders everywhere. A framed team photo sits behind his desk. So does a white mini helmet with an Eagles logo and the number 17 in the center, encased in a plastic cover. Resting on top, a black wristband with bold white letters spelling "Coach Feis." In his phone, a final text message to his best friend, asking, "Where's the shooter?"
There are more subtle reminders of the day at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School that changed everything. The sound of balloons popping startles him. His new athletic director will not let anyone rattle May's doorknob or approach his office during lockdown drills. His mom asks him all the time, "Are you sleeping better?"
Willis May tells her he is, but he doesn't tell her much more. What he wants to say to her is finding peace is impossible. That he is racked with guilt. That he feels like he let his best friends and innocent students down. That yes, he is sleeping and yes, he is happier, but no, he will never be completely better.
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