It’s nearly two years ago now. My son had a particularly bad day at school, and his rage had hit the point at home that evening where I needed to wrap my arms around him until he calmed down. When he finally settled into my embrace, he sobbed. He couldn’t look me in the eye as I asked him how he felt. Head in hands he muttered, “I feel yucky inside, and I feel like that almost all the time.”
Despite all the love being poured into him, nothing was sticking because of his profound sense of shame. Holding my broken-hearted son, I have never felt more broken and helpless as a father. As a dad, when you see your child hurting, you’d do anything possible to help. That image of my son sitting in my lap, hands over his face unable to look at me and see the love and care in my eyes, will remain with me forever. It has driven me deeper into my own sense of call to express the love of God to those most desperately in need of it, especially those trapped in shame.
Shame is a sense of being totally unlovable -- worthless. While guilt is feeling bad about what we have done, shame is about feeling bad about who we are. Shame can be the result of deep hurt, abandonment, abuse or neglect. When these traumatizing factors occur early in life, as in my son’s case, the effect is devastating to an individual’s sense of self-worth and belonging. Many shame-based children and individuals find it hard to trust. Trust is built upon a strong foundation of relationship, and the shame-based child feels unworthy of significant relationship. As a result, the shame-based child feels powerless and hopeless to change their situation or improve their condition. Often those caring for a shame-based child take on that same sense of hopelessness.
[For more of this story, written by Chris Haughee, go to http://helenair.com/lifestyles...cc-b3139d2b92c3.html]
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