There are many ways in which this artificial "Hallmark" holiday can be hard. There is a perception that everyone is celebrating, that everyone has a mother and that the mother we have (or had) was the image of perfection -- our mentor, our source of guidance, our rock, our stability. For many of us, that is or was not the mother we had. And, many of us tried to be better and different mothers ourselves -- sometimes with enormous success and sometimes with less positive outcomes. We had children for whom we cared -- as best as we were able. These children are, in part, one hopes better for our involvement, engagement and care.
Mothering is hard. It requires listening. It requires patience. It requires understanding. It requires giving from deep within. it neither demands or requires reciprocity. And, I think actually that one person can mother many people even those who hare not their biological children. They can provide mothering to friends and colleagues and even a spouse or partner at certain times. They can provide mothering to children of all ages and stages -- in many settings. They can share the power of motherhood to benefit others -- not every second of every day necessarily but widely and broadly. And, even as we age, we can benefit from occasional mothering. It is a role of which I am proud. Deeply proud.
I am fortunate to have a non-biological mother who is remarkable and I am the biological mother and second mother to many kids (and some adults). it is a role a I cherish. It is a role that is deeply fulfilling.
But, make no mistake about it -- one day to celebrate mothers seems a tad off base -- too little, too late. Mothers need more than a day, although it is often not thanks we seek. We need to see growth and progress, and we need to bear witness to children or others who are flourishing and for whom we have provided a helpful hand or thought at just the right moment.
For mothers with high ACEs, this is at once rewarding and sad. A day of remembering. Everything -- one's past and how it affects one's present. It is a day of reflection actually --- perhaps some celebration but surely pausing to reflect.
Here is a message I provided I social media (slightly edited now) -- I hope it helps some for whom today is hard. May you find some peace in a day that highlights often what we don't have. Instead, let's try to focus on what we do have that enables mothering -- both giving and getting. That has real rewards. And perhaps it what enables us to say to ourselves -- quietly perhaps or deep within -- Happy Mother's Day.
See:
To the mothers out there: Please fight (peacefully) for a better world for our children and our children's children, a world that values equality and equity in health and education among other fields. And fight (peacefully) for all of kids -- regardless of their race, gender, ethnicity, socio-economic class, culture, religion. Make Mother's Day Matter -- now. Our collective future depends on it. Mother's Day enables all of us to be "Mothers" -- whether biological or not -- to insure a future that is empathic and supportive and giving and filled with wisdom and success for all. That's our role and our job and our task. Use the day well -- to reflect too on who our and the positives you generate. Happy Mother's Day.
Comments (0)