Empowering Youth to Find their Safe People and Spaces:
Youth are often reminded to reach out for support when they feel overwhelmed, afraid, or worried about the stress at home. This continues to be an essential reminder as the holiday's approach and more youth are off from school.
However, for youth who have been impacted by a parent's drug or alcohol use, reaching out for help can, itself, become an incredible source of stress. Why? The literature and the stories have shown that the stigma of addictions can increase a child's worry of being removed by child welfare services or witnessing police violently remove parents. These barriers can make it incredibly difficult for a youth to consider reaching out to local services and supports.
In a recent Starlings Community survey, participants informed us that,
"Society labels you, and puts you in a little box And leaves you there When you are a child. the services assigned to you watch you wither away; you were already categorized- "alcoholics kid", a burden, you don't have value." Anonymous, New Brunswick, Age 18-24
"It is hard to heal from something when there is so much shame around it. You feel as though you can't reach out to anybody and that nobody is there to help or care." Anonymous, age 24-35, Canada
"it's not always safe to tell someone especially when the system can't always guarantee your safety" Anonymous, Age 18-24, Canada
As such, we must enable youth to consider not only who their safe people are, but also where their safe SPACES are, and then empower them to seek them both out.
This past week's newsletter by Starlings Community focused on empowering youth to consider who their safe people and spaces are, and to SEEK them out. Subscribe at www.starlings.ca
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WHAT IS A SAFE PERSON OR SPACE?
A safe person allows you to exist exactly the way you are without shame, fear or criticism. It allows you to FEEL your emotions- the positive emotions like joy and cheer, and the negative ones, such as fear and anger. A safe person does NOT need to know about your circumstances, but ideally, if you wanted to share your experiences with a parent's addiction, you know you could trust them to hold your experiences and feelings without receiving any shame.
A SAFE PERSON OR SPACE IS NOT a person or space that makes you feel bad about your current situation or about what you are feeling.
A safe space allows you to reconnect to the present moment without fear.
This December break, if you are feeling overwhelmed, scared, or sad, go outside, take a short walk, look up at the sky and let the cold air remind you of your breath that gives you life, and look down at the ground that knows your strength and will always hold you up.
THE HARD TRUTH: sometimes we expect certain people to be our safe person or space. Maybe we want our parents, our siblings, or our best friend to be our source of emotional safety and validation, but instead, we feel shame or fear around them. The hard truth is that not everyone will understand your experiences or have the capacity to hold your emotions. We know this can also feel hurtful. That is why it is important to think about, find, and connect with people and spaces that genuinely make you feel safe during times of extra stress.
Consider:
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If you know a youth or young adult who has been impacted by the stigma of a parent's drug or alcohol use, please encourage them to subscribe to our weekly newsletter which is created BY peers, for peers. Subscribe at www.starlings.ca
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