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Domestic Violence: Careful, the Kids Are Watching [IndianCountryTodayMediaNetwork.com]

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In domestic violence situations, our empathy and concern is usually for the adult victim. However, if children are part of that tangled, distorted relationship, we may forget that they are victims, too.

Or, as I liked to call them in my household, “witnesses.”

No matter how hard you may try to hide the abuse from your children, there comes a point when it is impossible to do so.

“People think that their kids don’t know what’s going on because they don’t see the abuse happening. But children are aware of the trauma—they can feel it,” said Vivian Clecak, co-founder and chief executive officer of Human Options in Orange County, an emergency shelter for battered women and children. “It’s rare that a child does not have a sense of what’s going on in the family.”

I never sat my daughters down and explained to them that mommy and daddy didn’t belong together, as they were only 6 and 2 when our marriage finally exploded. But they’re smart, sensitive girls. They knew something bad was going on. I could see it in their faces. Cameras don’t lie. To this day, it’s still hard for me to look at birthday photos from those early years.


[For more of this story, written by Lynn Armitage, go to http://indiancountrytodaymedia...-are-watching-158541]

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I'm looking forward to your posting of Dr. Teicher's lecture! Fully agree with you,THERE IS NO FURTHER DISPUTE HERE. The ACE's study has opened the doors for us to approach this issue with greater insight and understanding. The phrase "What happened to you", needs to be heard in all our social service institutions. We have the ability to stop intimate partner violence, and it's people like yourself Tina that are forging the pathways for us to follow. Thank you for asking the question, "what about the children", it is a question that must be answered if we are ever to stop the cycle of violence in our homes, our communities, and our world. Thanks Again Tina, look forward to your post.

Yeah James and I like that you quoted Dr. Teicher. He is one of my personal heroes. His research makes this clear there is no debate. ALL ABUSE DESTROYS THE BRAIN IN AN INSIDIOUS WAY.  ANY ONE WISHING TO DEBATE THIS IS SIMPLY NOT LOOKING AT THE EVIDENCE (which is overwhelming). When I get a chance I am going to transcribe (have already started) Dr. Teicher's lecture from last years Boston Trauma Conference and fix it up with pictures of x, y and z parts of the brain and put it on ACEs. His work makes this too clear. If one disputes the validity then they can also dispute the validity of shaken baby syndrome and abusive head trauma as an etiology of damage to the brain or that individual can also dispute the validity of lead as a toxin to the developing brain.  There is no further dispute here. The evidence is clear.  Denial must be for some personal motivation.  Also Dr. Teicher's work shows that witnessing violence towards siblings is worse mentally than witnessing it towards parents as one is direct and one more indirect.  

 

And it is true about the first two sentences of this article.Society often looks toward the mother as a victim.  When I was in medical school during my first year we had a woman from a domestic violence shelter speak and I raised my hand to ask her "what about the children in this mess".  She chided me as a spoiled U. Mich medical student and I left the auditorium in tears in front of all my classmates. Fortunately for me a couple friends who knew some of my personal hx, discussed this with her and she apologized but I was asking a ? that I have and always will take seriously. What about the children?

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I'm encouraged by Lynn Armitage's article. At the same time I am frustrated by the fact that we are still debating and questioning whether children are effected by domestic violence or not. The neuroscience and trauma information at our disposal makes it absolutely clear that children who grow up in trauma are impacted in very clear and negative ways. Growing up in domestic violence is trauma!. We need to come to terms with this. "Society reaps what it sows in nurturing its children. Whether abuse of a child is physical, psychological, or sexual, it sets off a ripple of hormonal changes that wire the child’s brain to cope with a malevolent world. It predisposes the child to have a biological basis for fear, though he may act and pretend otherwise.
Early abuse molds the brain to be more irritable, impulsive, suspicious, and prone to be swamped by fight-or-flight reactions that the rational mind may be unable to control. The brain is programmed to a state of defensive adaptation, enhancing survival in a world of constant danger, but at a terrible price. To a
brain so tuned, building a secure, stable relationship may later require virtually superhuman
personal growth and transformation."Martin H. Teicher

As the author of this article states, growing up in domestic violence is an equal opportunity destroyer for both boys and girls.

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