Ending violence against women is everyone’s business.
You can make a difference, safely and impactfully by:
1. Listening to and believing survivors.
When a woman shares her story of violence, she takes the first step to break the cycle of abuse.
It’s on all of us to give her the safe space she needs to speak up and be heard.
It’s important to remember that when discussing cases of sexual violence, a victim’s sobriety, clothes, and sexuality are irrelevant.
The perpetrator is the sole reason for assault and must bear the responsibility alone. Call out victim-blaming and counter the idea that it’s on women to avoid situations that might be seen as “dangerous” by traditional standards.
Survivors of violence are speaking out more than ever before, and everyone has a role to play to ensure they can have justice.
Don’t say, “Why didn’t she leave?”
Do say: “We hear you. We believe you. We stand with you.”
2. Teach the next generation and learn from them:
The examples we set for the younger generation shape the way they think about gender, respect and human rights. Start conversations about gender roles early on, and challenge the traditional features and characteristics assigned to men and women, like: the kitchen is only for women, no matter the circumstances or situation). Point out the stereotypes that children constantly encounter, whether in the media, on the street or at the school.
Talk about consent, bodily autonomy(which means my body is for me; my body is my own. I have the power and right to decide what happens to it) and accountability to boys and girls, and also listen to what they have to say about their experience of the world. By empowering young advocates with information, and educating them about women’s rights, we can build a better future for all.
3. Call for responses and services fit for purpose.
Services for survivors are essential services. This means that shelters, hotlines, counseling and all support for survivors of gender-based violence need to be available for those in need.
Every year, the 16 Days of Activism campaign calls for united, global action to end all forms of violence against women and girls.
This year the United Nations, together with our partners, are demanding four critical actions, summarized by our 2020 campaign theme: FUND, RESPOND, PREVENT, COLLECT.
Join us in calling on governments to bridge funding gaps to address violence against women and girls, ensure essential services for survivors of violence are maintained during this crisis, implement prevention measures, and invest in collecting the data necessary to adapt and improve life-saving services for women and girls.
4. Understand consent:
Freely given, enthusiastic consent is mandatory, every time.
Rather than listening for a “no,” make sure there is an active “yes,” from all involved. Adopt enthusiastic consent in your life and talk about it.
Phrases like “she was asking for it” or “boys will be boys” attempt to blur the lines around sexual consent, placing blame on victims, and excusing perpetrators from the crimes they have committed.
While those that use these lines may have fuzzy understandings of consent, the definition is crystal clear. When it comes to consent, there are no blurred lines.
5. Learn the signs of abuse and how you can help:
Violence against women is a human rights violation that takes place every single day around the world. Globally, one in three women experiences physical or sexual violence, mostly by an intimate partner. While domestic violence and abuse are sometimes hidden, if we know the signs of an abusive relationship, we may be able to recognize it better and seek or offer help.
There are many forms of abuse and all of them can have serious physical and emotional effects. If you’re concerned about a friend who may be experiencing violence or feels unsafe around someone, review these signs and learn about the ways to help them find safety and support. Victims of abuse may display the following warning signs:
-Acting differently than they normally do
-Exhibiting increased aggressive behavior
-Being jumpier or more on guard
-Having difficulty with sleep or having nightmares
-Withdrawing and not wanting to be around other people
-Losing interest in activities they once liked
-Having unexplained physical injuries
-Being more moody (angry, depressed, sad) than normal
-Being preoccupied with sex
-Engaging in harmful behaviors (this could include self-harm, drug use, and risky or unhealthy sexual behavior)
Here are some signs that you might be in an abusive relationship:
-Your partner keeps track of everything you do. They monitor where you are and whom you are with at all times. They prevent or discourage you from seeing friends, family, or going to work or school.
-You partner insists that you reply right away to their texts, emails, and calls, and demands to know he to social media sites, email, and other accounts.
-An abusive partner may act jealous, including constantly accusing you of cheating. They may attempt to control how you spend money and your use of medications or birth control. They may make everyday decisions for you, such as what you wear or eat.
-They may be demeaning. They may put you down by insulting your appearance, intelligence, or interests. They may try to humiliate you in front of others and attempt to destroy your property or things that you care about.
-An abusive partner may act angry or have a quick or unpredictable temper, so you never know what might cause a problem. They may blame you for their violent outbursts and physically harm or threaten harm to you, themselves, and members of your household, including children or pets.
-They may hurt you physically, such as hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting. They may use, or threaten to use, a weapon against you.
-They may be sexually abusive, including rape or other forced sexual activity. They may incorrectly assume that consent for a sex act in the past means that you must participate in the same acts in the future. They may also incorrectly assume that consent for one activity means consent for increased levels of intimacy. For example, an abuser may assume that a kiss should lead to sex every time.
-An abusive partner may threaten to turn you in to authorities for illegal activity if you report the abuse, or if you resist.
Talk with someone who has been trained to help.
If you think you are being abused, seek help. These tips provide guidance on how to find safety and support:
-Consider sharing your concerns with a trusted friend, family member, or neighbor. Work with them to develop a plan for when you need help. This plan may include, for instance, creating a secret code or multiple code words, sentences, or emojis that would help you communicate more safely with them.
-Develop an escape strategy, such as saying you need to go to the pharmacy or grocery store and, once there, asking to use the phone to call for help. Think through several plausible reasons for leaving home at different times of the day or night in case you need to escape.
-If possible, keep a telephone always charged and accessible and know which numbers to call for help: a friend, a family member, or the police. If your life is in danger, call the police if you believe it is safe to do so.
-Try to identify patterns in your partner’s use and level of violence. This can help you to predict when abuse may escalate.
-You can talk with someone who has been trained to help by calling a local helpline.
If you are concerned about a friend who may be experiencing domestic violence or abuse or feels unsafe around someone, review these tips on how to help them find safety and support:
-Stay in touch and be creative. Avoid making the abuser suspicious so that communication lines can stay open. If you both have children, for example, you can suggest joint calls between both yourselves and the kids. You can create secret code words to use in conversations that can help you communicate more safely.
-Ask your friend how they prefer to connect. It is important to establish a safe communication channel since they will be, in many instances, physically close to the abuser who might be monitoring conversations. Ask them if they prefer an instant message or text over a call, and if there is a specific platform or app they prefer to use.
-Be supportive and believe them. Reassure them that they are not alone and that help and support are available. Recognize that it may be difficult for them to talk about the abuse. If they want to talk, listen carefully and be empathetic.
-Respect their right to consent. Unless you strongly believe that your friend’s life is in danger, avoid taking actions without their consent. They know the safety risks best, and, therefore, they should be driving any decisions related to the abuse they are experiencing.
-Respect their privacy. Because of safety issues, stigma, feelings of shame, and victim-blaming that survivors often face, it is critical that their experiences and identity remain confidential, unless they give explicit consent to reveal them.
-Offer practical assistance and share resources. Let your friend know that you want to help. If you are able, offer them a safe place to stay, transportation, or other forms of support that may increase their safety
Together, we can End Violence Against Women and Girls.
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