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Codependency After Childhood Sexual Abuse

 

Codependency causes people to feed off each other’s emotions and to lose their ability to care for themselves. Codependency is a cruel dance where one person needs the other who needs to be needed. Thus, you end up with one adult being the giver and the other the taker.

Sexual abuse in childhood can leave people vulnerable to forming codependent relationships and complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

Is there a way to heal from codependency after childhood sexual abuse? That is what this article shall explore.

What is Childhood Sexual Abuse?

Child sexual abuse is sexual activity with a child by an adult, adolescent, or older child. While most people think of penetration as child sexual abuse, glaring, touching, showing pornographic pictures, or speaking sexually to a child is also child sexual abuse.

There are several effects that experiencing childhood sexual abuse, which is an adverse childhood experience (ACE) can have on the physical and mental wellbeing of the victim. Later in life, they may form or have:

  • Unplanned pregnancies
  • Obesity
  • Cancer
  • Depression
  • Complex post-traumatic stress disorder
  • Substance abuse disorder
  • An increased risk of suicide
  • Problems with intimate relationships

    [Click here to read more.]

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I would like to suggest that we recognize that referring to one as "co-dependent" can seem as if we are blaming the person for the problems they are having in the relationship.  Since we understand that trauma is not about something being wrong with a person, but is about something that happened, I think it is time we understand that, especially for victims of childhood abuse and or interpersonal violence, it is more of a survival skill - how can I meet this person's needs so they are less likely to hurt me?  Exploring survival skills, rather than diagnosing a person, is much more empowering and a better descriptive of the person's experience.

Not to mention that this term has historically referred to the economically disempowered wives of alcoholic men—where the story is centered around the man. The women around him are secondary to his story. They're blamed for being "co-dependent" but unable to just leave due to, historically, not having access to a bank account and other economic rights. It's outdated and needs to be replaced by new ideas and terms!

I would like to suggest that we recognize that referring to one as "co-dependent" can seem as if we are blaming the person for the problems they are having in the relationship.  Since we understand that trauma is not about something being wrong with a person, but is about something that happened, I think it is time we understand that, especially for victims of childhood abuse and or interpersonal violence, it is more of a survival skill - how can I meet this person's needs so they are less likely to hurt me?  Exploring survival skills, rather than diagnosing a person, is much more empowering and a better descriptive of the person's experience. 

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