My aunt shared the article below with me this morning. I love that people in my life now know what ACEs are. I'm happy I'm learning more from them! This is a great overview article with nice video and a clear explanation of the original ACEs study.
In addition, it talks about how childhood sexual abuse can be particularly damaging, to men and women. It's not that the ACE, itself, is any worse but that the secrecy and shame and difficulty in sharing it can be consequential. That's my take, anyhow, It's one of the reasons I believe expressive writing can help so many people. Where else can one find a safe and non-clinical place to get heavy and deep in a place where everyone respects personal stories and life experiences and creativity?I don't know of any other place or space where that can happen for men or women.
Most of the survivors I know, who have disclosed ACEs and a history of sexual abuse are in our mid lives. We may be in a place in our personal or professional lives where we are able to disclose without too much risk to relationships or career (although there are always some). While there's a lot of sexism in the world, when it comes to disclosing sexual abuse, I think men are often particularly pained and shamed. There are few survivors publicly sharing and doing advocacy work (though there are many on this site and they are amazing).
In any event, I just turned 50 last week and am thinking a lot about the impact of ACEs at this stage of life. Many of us grew up thinking that self-care is a luxury or indulgence or things rich people do. Now that I know about ACEs and the work of Donna Jackson Nakazawa and others, my views have changed. I don't think there's anything more healthful than joy, creativity and calm. To me, that's what self-care is. It's yoga when I can, good eating and decent sleep. But it's also pleasure and fun and noticing nature. I know my body and brain crave those things and need to learn how to prioritize and experience them more. Every single second, each and every moment I'm engaged in this presence to bliss, joy and what's already good in the world, I'm healing, repairing and recovering. It's radical because I'm insisting to the world and to myself that I matter and am here and willing to notice and engage. That's what ACEs almost robbed me of.
I know that when I'm "passing for normal" and able to do the simple and ordinary things in life, that I once believed were out of my reach, like trusting someone enough to hold hands or noticing the pretty snow or taking time to sit while eating, I might actually be extending the length of my life. But even if not, at least I'm improving the quality of my present.
It's worthy work and we need not be ashamed of doing it.
Article Excerpt
Adults age 50 and older are far less likely than younger people to reveal a childhood trauma of any kind, said Michael Barnes, clinical program manager at CeDAR, the Center for Dependency, Addiction, and Rehabilitation, at the University of Colorado Hospital in Aurora, Colo.
“I think some of that is generational and the view of counseling,” he said, “and there’s a significant difference between men and women.” Women are more likely to tell others. Men are socialized to be stoic and not complain, Barnes said. He estimated that 30 to 90 percent of the patients seen at his addiction program on any given day had some sort of childhood trauma.
Scott Easton of the Boston College School of Social Work has studied how childhood sexual abuse affects men in later life. In one study, which received a federal National Institute on Aging grant, the men who were sexually abused as kids waited an average of 21 years before they told a single person about the abuse. It took them 28 years to give a fuller account to someone else.
“The longer they waited, the worse their mental health,” Easton said. Full article.
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