[note: this was originally posted on my blog fullhousewithaces.com linked here: http://fullhousewithaces.com/2...t-for-relationships/]
In the first post in this series, I discussed how I see humankind’s needs for significance and security as central to the Creation story of Genesis, chapters 1 and 2. (1) In this second post, I hope to further explain the implications of these needs and how they connect to attachment theory and the relational-developmental work I engage in with my colleagues within Intermountain’s residential services. (2) I’d like to start with an excerpt from that previous post:
God’s intent is that our needs for significance and security are met in the context of relationship and the loving boundaries experienced within them.
The first man and woman enter into the larger story of God’s purposes for creation without sin, shame, or a sense of defeat. Even in their perfected state, they have needs: a need for significance, and a need for security. The need for significance was to be met in their purpose as managers and co-creators with God. The world was to be shaped by the actions of the man and woman, to both their delight and to the joy of God, their creator. As Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that God “has set eternity in the heart” of men and women, we all long for significance beyond the day to day reality of our lives. We desire to know that we MEAN something by our existence. We desire to matter to someone.
These two needs, for significance and security, are intended to be met through loving relationships–this was God’s design from the beginning! Another way to think about these two most basic needs is to examine the questions they ask. The fundamental question behind the need for significance is: “Who am I?” This is a question of existential importance. The second need, that of security, I would suggest asks the following question: “What shall I do?” Let’s visit each question in turn.
Who Am I?
“Who am I?” or perhaps, “What am I?” is a question each of must answer to some degree of satisfaction in order to have any sense of peace or coherence to our lives. The person who does not have a sense of self that they can articulate with some degree of confidence is easy manipulated by others or their circumstance. A lack of positive self-identification can lead to all sorts of spiritual and psychological ills. The New Testament writer James speaks of the “double minded man” who has not faced life’s trails and temptations with faith, producing a life that is like “a wave on the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” Such an individual, James argues, is “unstable in all he does” (cf. James 1:2-8). On the contrary, the Christian is to be led by God’s Spirit, offering their sense of self to be shaped by God’s design, and resistant to that pressure that exists for each individual to “conform to the pattern of this world” (cf. Romans 12:1-2). Those who leave family, friends, and community to go “find themselves” are far from being a modern phenomenon. Jesus knew something of this internal need and the spiritual landmines waiting for those whose search lacks a moral compass to guide them on their way. The amazing thing was that Jesus pointed us to a Heavenly Father that loves the prodigal child no matter how far he or she strays (see Luke 15:11-32).
What shall I do?
At first, this question may not seem as obvious as the first. I believe, however, that it is just as significant. Each individual’s sense of security is wrapped up in their sense of belonging, of relation to their surroundings and in community with others. Even before sin entered into existence within Creation, man and woman were tasked with the management of their physical surroundings. They were to steward the natural paradise they found themselves in. After the fall, and the original disobedience to this divine direction to care for one another and the earth, the need to work and tend to the earth did not change, it was only frustrated these labors (cf. Genesis 3:17-19). In our culture it is becoming less and less common to have a personal stake in the stewardship of the earth. Most of us are removed from these immediate concerns and do our work in schools, office buildings, and the like. Regardless of where we labor, those labors have a way of defining us. How many, when asked to describe themselves, start off by describing what it is they do? “Oh, well, I am a chaplain… a teacher… a father…” and so on. To find satisfaction from one’s work is a gift from God, but to define oneself by that work is a grievous mistake (cf. Ecclesiastes 5:18-20).
a relational question… “Whose am I?”
Back to God’s intent… I think the answers to “Who am I?” and “What shall I do?” are ultimately met in relationship to a loving God whose claims us as his own. Then, as we live into the truth that we belong to God, all other relationships and labors in life take on a secondary role to the spiritual and psychological integrity that comes from knowing that our need for significance and security are met in God’s love and guidance. That guidance comes from God’s revelation in his Word. As the believer internalizes the message of God’s love and direction for life he or she can say with the Psalmist: “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you!” (Psalm 119:11) We’ll continue the investigation of these themes in the next post about where the Gospel and Attachment Theory in a relational-developmental context converge.
(1) see my previous post: http://fullhousewithaces.com/2...ored-where-we-begin/
(2) for more about the wonderful place I work and how my ministry fits into the care for the severely emotionally disturbed child, visit both http://www.intermountain.org and http://www.intermountainministry.org
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