Together for Resilient Youth (TRY) touched the lives of over 2,000 students so far in 2017. I identify with children of all ages including the child within each adult.
Suicide is one of the many devastating outcomes of an ACE score above four. Behind the dimpled smile and sparkling young eyes depicted in this picture, there was turmoil. I am blessed to have survived in the 14th year of my life.
It is important for me to be transparent and reveal to everyone including grieving parents the state of mind of at least one adolescent. The adolescent brain does not fully develop until a person is 25 years of age. Among the many behavior changes that have been noted for teens, three are seen across cultures: 1) increased novelty seeking; 2) increased risk taking; and 3) a social affiliation shift toward peer based interactions. (Sarah Johnson, PhD, Robert Blum, MD, PhD, Jay Giedd, M.Dc)
My fervent desire is that family members hear my heart. Family nor peers would have ever known my intent. I was a very obedient child. There was no cry for help. There were no screams. There were no signs of depression. How could I have possibly described the emotional numbness caused by an ACE score of 9? How could I have unwrapped this so that it would make sense?
It felt nothing -blank. I reacted in response to the 9, that my mind "forgot" but my body remembered. There was no discernible anger towards anyone. There was no thought of wanting to escape a particular relationship. Sadly, there was no thought about anyone's response to my being gone. "I was invisible anyway." Adolescent suicide, in some cases, may be no one's fault, but rather an inability on the child's part to understand the reality of "belonging and having a place in life itself." I listened to the voice in my head that very sweetly and quietly said that suicide was the answer. The voice did not explain the question.
This is just my personal story. Suicide occurs for many reasons that have been fully documented: bullying, rejection, depression, underlying mental illness, sickness, fear... I do not dismiss anyone's personal experience. I am so very sorry for your loss.
As difficult as dealing with teenagers can be, try to project unconditional love, create safe social interactions, know what your teen is doing, who your teen is with (double check) and who their parents are (show up). Lock up any guns, alcohol and prescription drugs. Do not allow your teen to spend too much time alone, isolated from the sounds of life.
I am forever thankful to my brother who walked in just in time.
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