“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
"The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath one's feet."
"Even the longest journey must begin where you stand."
Lao-tzu, The Way of Lao-tzu
Chinese philosopher (604 BC - 531 BC)
Lao-tzu’s writings are in Chinese, and this particular quote is a popular one. But the meaning relies on accurate translation from Chinese to English, and that translation is not always clear. Why I like the quote is attributable to the third version—our journey begins from where we are. If we start our healing journey as a child, we are at a different place than if we start our healing journey as an adult. If we are well educated, we start from a different place than someone who is not well educated. And if we start our journey with 1 trauma, it is a different place to start than someone who has all 10. Differences are important to recognize. I tried to make that point in my post on Accomplished People Hurt Too. However long our journey might be, it starts where “we” stand. My journey doesn’t start from the same place your journey starts.
Metaphorically speaking, I believe the start of a journey begins when you recognize the need for it. If the ground underneath your feet is meeting your needs, why undertake a difficult journey unless you want to. You will be leaving the familiar and an ability to survive. But if the ground underneath your feet is damaging you, you might need to leave. You might try to accommodate the damaging aspects of the place you are at, but maybe you can’t change the damage caused. You might need to leave that place. If that place is your hurting mind, then the journey is to a healed mind.
So I believe the first step starts with recognition that you are hurting, and that you have options. Think of it as having a map and a compass. You learn where you are, and the options you can leave for. You need to learn how to use the map and a compass, so you need people to help you gain the knowledge necessary to start your journey. A good Assessment can tell you where you are. I have written about the type of assessment I believe is most productive. But we do need to develop a good one that is accessible from many different places. A popular place for assessing is where healthcare is provided. But I am not sure that is the place where it will be most successful. I believe we need to make Assessment a part of our culture so when we recognize the negative patterns that lead a person to bad behaviors or poor health, we can offer help.
Dr. John Gottman has developed a 30 minute Assessment for the strength of a marriage. When administered by a trained interviewer, the Assessment has a confidence level of about 94% for predicting whether a relationship will last for more than 2 years. I believe we can develop a similar assessment and help someone understand how ACE’s have impacted their lives. What I want to write about in this post is what the first step looks like.
Our first step should be a guided tour of our brain and its’ relentless desire to protect us from harm—our fear response. We should understand how it starts. The Limbic system recognizes signs of danger and activates the HPA Axis (Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal). Cortisol is shot into your body and many other chemicals are created to prepare your body to fight or flee. When you freeze, the chemicals remain in your body until they dissipate naturally or with help. If not dissipated, they have a negative impact on you. Your body seeks relief, and when it discovers relief, seeks it regularly when confronted with the fear response. You might even prophylactically seek relief before the fear response. Think of it as taking acetaminophen before you have a headache. You do it because you think something might happen. And if relief becomes harder to come by, you might add more agents of relief. Instead of acetaminophen once every 12 hours, you start taking every 6, or 4, or 2 hours. And when that no longer provides the relief you want, you add alcohol, drugs or any of a host of other types of relief. You may have a pretty long list if you have a lot of fear (or anxiety).
If we want real relief, I believe we need to reduce the fear response—the number of times we activate. I believe this can be accomplished through training. I refer to this as “Knowledge.” If you know that there is a link between your fear response and behaviors, you have started your journey. There are things you can do to help alleviate the fear response, and the first step is to understand the impact it has on your behaviors. You have established the ground underneath your feet. You know where you are. Now you need to know where to go.
You want to go to a place where your fear and anxiety responses are understood and you have taken steps to reduce your frequency of activation. You can do that. It’s not necessarily a short journey, but as Lao-tse said, it starts at where the ground is underneath your feet. Since it’s your own journey, you need to identify your roadmap to healing. I believe the second step after Knowledge is to understand how nutrition impacts your behaviors. Supplementation of your diet may affect your fear response. I have written about this belief before and won’t repeat it here.
The third step is to chart how your body activates. You can benefit from meditation to help identify your body’s response to fear or anxiety. As you become more aware of your body, you start to know how it reacts to fear. Does your heart race faster. Is your breathing shallow or deep? Do parts of your body tighten? Do you clench your teeth? Do you get headaches? Do you verbally or physically react to people around you or interacting with you. Body and mind awareness start to come when you meditate and ask the question—how does my body respond to fear?
Recognition allows you to respond to fear positively. You can use mindfulness to gain control when you recognize the fear response. You can breathe more deeply. It is calming and soothing because of the increased oxygen in your brain. You can give yourself positive affirmations. I have found you can actually do like the Lost Boys asked Peter Pan to do: “Tink Happy Tawts.” When combined with the mindfulness practice of dismissing past memories when you can, and avoid speculating about the future, you may be able to change your fear response. It takes regular practice, thus the allegorical journey. It should never end.
Some of us may start from a place that requires professional help and psychotropic prescriptions. We are not all coming from the same place, and the same approach may not work for many of us. With Knowledge, Awareness and Help, we can plot our journey to healing. And we need to let it take as long as it takes. When it comes to healing, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. I know what I need to do, but I don’t always do it well. But if we can provide help while we are on our journey with companions who are on the same pathway, we have a greater likelihood of success. And when our culture recognizes the impact of ACE’s, and are more informed about how trauma affects our behaviors (Positive, Neutral and Negative), then we have a great chance of raising children without trauma.
I work for that day. My thoughts aren’t commonplace. And there are so many ideas out there that mine get lost in the noise. But I believe this journey is possible, and with guidance we could all complete it and find relief.
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