By Shahida Arabi, PsychCentral, March 1, 2020
Most of us are familiar with Pavlov’s conditioning experiments. Pair a bell with food enough times, a dog starts salivating at the ring of the bell even without the food present because it’s now associated with the food they desire. But what happens in abusive and toxic relationships is a far more insidious and malicious type of conditioning – what I like to call “destructive conditioning” – conditioning which pairs what are meant to be innocuous or even celebratory sources of personhood with punishment, shame, humiliation, and degradation. There are three ways that malignant narcissists destructively condition you in order to erode your sense of self and safety in the world.
1. They insult your intelligence, accomplishments, and personhood.
Our intelligence, skill sets, talents, and a sense of accomplishment give us a solid sense of self-efficacy. When we believe we are capable of achieving our goals, overcoming obstacles, and addressing problems in our lives, we gain confidence that we can navigate the world effectively. Narcissists demean our intelligence in both covert and overt ways because our intelligence is also the key to our discernment of their true character. It contributes to our ability to identify their manipulation, decipher what’s truly going on apart from the narcissist’s claims, and trust ourselves in making decisions that enhance our well-being.
Comments (0)