Tagged With "manage fear"
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Trauma tried to kick down the door. Compassion is helping me heal.
The artwork is an original piece titled "Someone at the Door" by Chicago artist Ken Shaw. I bought it about 35 years ago. (The first part of this piece was written in-the-moment, as an email to a friend following what, for me, was a traumatic experience. The second part of this piece was written about 10 days later, as part of a healing reflection. It occurs to me that this experience, and the reflections, might help someone else experiencing trauma and/or seeking compassion for self or...
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Understanding This Theory is Essential to Being Trauma-Informed
My typically happy, well-adjusted 11-year old daughter was having a melt downs of all melt downs. She was crying hysterically. I could hear her wailing downstairs as she was upstairs. I could feel my heart rate rising as her distress increased. I called up to my husband; “What is going on with Hannah?” Granted, the night before was a late Halloween night fueled by massive amounts of sugar. That right there renders a dire state in the body – little sleep, ample sugar. My gut twisted as I...
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Utah Psychologists Column: Supporting your child after trauma [heraldextra.com]
By Brittaini Howard, Daily Herald, March 15, 2020 Coronavirus talk is rampant on the school playground, and many children are returning home frightened. Events like the Coronavirus pandemic provide a sobering opportunity for parents to reevaluate how they help their children cope with trauma. Traumatic events are those that are threatening to a child’s safety and can be scary, dangerous, or violent in nature. These may include physical abuse, emotional abuse, natural disasters, loss of a...
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Watching My Daughter Develop the Same Anxiety I Struggle With [thecut.com]
"It is relatively early on a summer evening, just after sunset. From my bed, I notice a shadow of a spindly branch dancing across the corner of the bedroom wall. I get up and close the curtains tightly to make it disappear, careful not to step on my daughter, who’s camped on my bedroom floor, lying stiffly under the weighted anxiety blanket I’d made her. I don’t mind the shadow, but I know it will make it impossible for her to fall asleep. This is the fourth night in a row she’s spent here.
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Webinar Slides and Recording: Building Resilient Communities with Elaine Miller-Karas
Recorded live August 8, 2019. Find the slides attached below. The 1 hour video recording can be found on our YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/BUyY0FMjv8s Speaker: Elaine Miller-Karas, MSW, LCSW, Executive Director and Co-founder, Trauma Resource Institute. Host: Carey Sipp, Southeast Community Facilitator, ACEs Connection. Webinar Description: This webinar will explore integrating a biological based model to reduce the impacts of toxic stress for children and adults. It is a model both for...
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What Happens When Old and Young Connect (dailygood.org)
This year, for the first time ever, the U.S. has more people over 60 than under 18. That milestone has brought with it little celebration. Indeed, there are abundant concerns that America will soon be awash in a gray wave, spelling increased health care costs for an aging population, greater housing and transportation needs, and fewer young workers contributing to Social Security. Some fear a generational conflict over shrinking resources, a looming tension between kids and “canes.” As I...
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What If Everything You Knew About Disciplining Kids Was Wrong? (www.motherjones.com)
We're learning so much all of the time and it's exciting to hear about how trauma informed some schools are becoming. My dream is that all parents can become trauma-informed as well, for the sake of our children and for making changes for future generations but also for our healing and recovery as well. It's all related. Most of this article is geared towards school systems but it's relevant to anyone who loves and cares about children. It was first published last summer. It's still...
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What is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)?
Most people have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder that afflicts many men and women returning from a war zone. It is characterized by flashbacks, unstable moods, and survivor’s remorse. However, many have never heard of a condition that often develops in childhood and changes the course of the child’s life forever, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). For a good definition of CPTSD, we turned to Beauty After Bruises, an organization that offers outreach focused on adult...
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What Renee Taught Me About Why Some People Harm Themselves
Why do people cut themselves? Here's a story of my work with Renee and how we helped her find better ways to deal.
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When a Child's Parent has PTSD (www.ptsd.va.gov) & Commentary
Note: There's so little written on this topic. This piece by Jennifer L. Price, PhD is one of the few that talks about the impact on kids when a parent (or parents) have PTSD. It's good to understand our impact on our children. It's nice that veterans with PTSD are not the only parents being discussed. However, this shows that the prevailing idea of PTSD-suffering is often mischaracterized or misunderstood. For those parenting with ACes, it's not so much that trauma is some single, horrific...
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When a Child's Parent Has PTSD (www.va.gov)
I came across this resource today. Sadly, it doesn't talk about the large number of parents who have PTSD from ACEs, developmental and complex trauma instead of or as well as combat-related PTSD. But, it's nice to see the topic of parental PTSD and the way it can impact children being discussed. Here's an excerpt: Introduction Researchers have examined the impact of Veterans' PTSD symptoms on family relationships, and on children of Veterans in particular. Understanding how these symptoms...
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When a Mother Loves an Alcoholic - Parenting With ACEs
I was such a mother. I was also the daughter of an alcoholic. My mom died earlier this year. When a mother loves an alcoholic or is raised by an alcoholic, she is changed in profound ways - ways she has no idea are even present, yet ways that make her a confounding figure in her children's lives. At the root of these "ways" is her adverse childhood experiences. As I shared recently in my post, The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking ACEs , "[My] Mom and I talked about my realization that...
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When Hidden Grief Gets Triggered During COVID-19 Confinement
first published by The Meadows 4/15/20 Our sense of loss during the current COVID-19 crisis can trigger hidden emotions from when we experienced a sense of loss before. Whatever early losses you have had in your life — whether they be your own divorce, your parents, or both, or the abandonment of one parent, a childhood or parental illness or death, financial upheaval, constant moving around, or growing up with parental addiction or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) — they are likely to...
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Spokane, WA, public health nurses create trauma-sensitive toolkit for parents/caregivers
Public health nurses at Spokane Regional Health District (SRHD) developed a 178-page toolkit -- 1*2*3 Care -- for caregivers of children. They define caregivers as parents, g randparents, child care providers, teachers, and others who care...
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Strengthening Families: Increasing positive outcomes for children and families [www.cssp.org]
We engage families, programs, and communities in building key protective factors. Children are more likely to thrive when their families have the support they need. By focusing on the five universal family strengths identified in the Strengthening Families Protective Factors Framework , community leaders and service providers can better engage, support, and partner with parents in order to achieve the best outcomes for kids. How We Do It The Strengthening Families framework is a...
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Substance Use Disorder and Brain Development
The inputs a brain experiences during its developmental stages have a profound impact on whether that person will develop a substance use disorder (if they choose to drink or use other drugs). In turn, developing a substance use disorder (SUD) as a tween, teen, or young adult dramatically influences that person's brain development. And why is understanding this causality important? The risk factors for developing a substance use disorder are the result of inputs the brain experiences (or...
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Talking Tough Topics with Kids: Chat Event Right Here!
Hi Everyone! Our first monthly chat is scheduled for May 9th. I'm so excited. The topic is great and so is our guest. I hope you can attend. Cissy Location: Online / Parenting with ACEs Group It’s hard to know if, when and how to talk to children about abuse, addiction and ACEs. How do we find the right words or time? Please join Beth O’Malley , our special guest for the first in our Parenting with ACEs chat series . Beth has dedicated her life to supporting kids, adoptees, parents and...
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Taming the Dragons: Helping Children Cope: Ages Birth to Twelve Years
Taming the Dragons is a training manual for parents, foster parents, and kinship caregivers. It was developed out of a crisis nursery in WA state by Sue Delucchi. English and Spanish versions attached here for free downloads.
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The Absence of Punishment in Our Schools
Where to begin... My heart is full of hope and joy as I watch the trauma-informed schools movement swell across our nation and planet. The science of ACEs is mind-bending to say the least and we are now able to open up a much deeper dialogue about human behavior and health. Ultimately this work is about healing… All. Of. Us. A new consciousness is taking root around ending the “us vs them” construct. The idea is growing that we’re all on this journey together and that no matter where our...
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The Amazing Brain Series (www.instituteforsafefamilies.org)
Here's a link to several great downloads I'm adding to the Parenting with ACEs resource section. I've attached one of the five so you can get an idea of content and visuals. The downloads are all free and if you want colorful handouts those are available for purchase.
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The Body Remembers
She had a poster of Where’s Waldo? on the wall, presumably there to distract her patients from what was happening while they lay on the exam table. This was my third appointment, and on the drive over I had fought down rising waves of panic at walking back in to this room, with Waldo and her gloved fingers. When my physiotherapist had first recommended this treatment after months of physio exercises had failed to produce the desired results, I went home and cried. I called Dawn and told her...
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Report Features Newly-Released Data to Support Positive Child and Family Well-Being
A new report produced in partnership with Casey Family Programs illuminates the importance of HOPE—Health Outcomes of Positive Experiences, a framework that studies and promotes positive child and family well-being. Balancing Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) with HOPE presents newly-released, compelling data that reinforces the need and opportunity to support families and communities in the cultivation of relationships and environments that promote healthy childhood development. It also...
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[Repost] Trauma-informed Care: It Takes More Than a Clipboard and a Questionnaire
California is about to launch an ambitious campaign to train tens of thousands of Medi-Cal providers to screen children and adults up to age 65 for trauma, starting on January 1, 2020. It is well-established that the early identification of trauma and providing the appropriate treatment are critical tools for reducing long-term health care costs for both children and adults. Research has shown that individuals who experienced a high number of traumatic childhood events are likely to die...
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Resilience: A New Grief Myth That Can Hurt You (www.medium.com)
Excerpts from an essay written by Candyce Ossefort-Russell : Full essay.
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RESILIENCE: The Secret of CPTSD Recovery (First in a Series)
When we talk about a history childhood trauma, we talk a lot about the problems — the damage, the limitation on our lives, the sadness. But in reality, a lot of us are thriving despite abuse and neglect in the past. The word for this is resilient. Overcoming the effects of Childhood PTSD is not easy, and it’s not a road I’d choose for anyone. But if that’s the hand life dealt you, it is still possible for you to blossom into a life of depth and love and purpose. Resilience is often mentioned...
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RESILIENCY: Innate or Nurtured
For me, resiliency is in part innate. I don't think we can teach resilience. Through love and connection we can most certainly nurture it. A key piece of resiliency is connection with others. I look back at all that I have endured in my life and wonder what made me keep getting back up. Why did I become more tenacious each time life and family knocked me down? For me, what kept me going was being out in the world connecting with people throughout the day. It made me feel part of something...
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Resources for Supporting Children's Emotional Well-being during the COVID-19 Pandemic [childtrends.org]
By Jessica Dym Bartlett, Jessica Griffin, Dana Thomson, Child Trends, March 19, 2020 The following guidance, recommendations, and resources are provided by child trauma experts at Child Trends and the Child Trauma Training Center at the University of Massachusetts. The Center is housed at the University of Massachusetts with Child Trends as the lead evaluating agency, with funding from SAMHSA and the National Child Traumatic Stress Network and additional support from HRSA. While the Centers...
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Rise Magazine as Important Source of Parent Engagement
I'm often asked how to improve parent engagement. I love this question. While I can and do share handouts , chat transcripts , and resources, and my own personal experiences, when relevant, I also recommend reading writing by parents speaking directly about parent experiences in specific systems. Rise Magazine is an example. This is their mission: Here are three stories published in Rise Magazine over the last few months. Diplomacy and Determination – When I had a conflict with my son’s...
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Rise TIPS: For Parents in Crisis (www.risemagazine.org) & Commentary
Note: This handout was developed with, for and by parents in the child welfare system. However, it's got great content for all parents. For example, the article "Fight or Flight: Coping When Visits Stir Up Reminders of Trauma" is excellent. Lots of us parenting with ACEs have had the shameful experience of being triggered by our children. It can feel horrible. However, it's something we rarely admit, talk about or find addressed anywhere. Part of the problem is that much of the stuff written...
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RYSE Center's Listening Campaign: Young people in Richmond, CA help adults understand trauma, violence, coping, and healing
"My experience with violence is very brutal...I grew up with violence as if it were my sibling." - LC participant (youth) "We know we can't run the city- it's too complex- but our experience and our voices should count, especially because we're the most effected ." - LC participant (youth) "Our city's problems are shared by us all; we are all part of the problem AND the solution. Listening is a key component to healing." - LC Share Out partici pant (adult) Three years ago, RYSE Center in...
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SAMHSA's Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach
Years in the making, this important piece of the trauma-informed pie is on the table! Check it out.
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School Discipline Practices: An Issue Brief on a Public Health Crisis and Opportunities for Reform [changelabsolutions.org]
Early childhood education sets the foundation for a student’s future well-being and success. However, the widespread use of exclusionary school discipline (ESD) aggravates pre-existing adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and deprives students of essential opportunities for learning and growth. Examples of harmful and counterproductive ESD practices include suspensions, expulsions, referrals to law enforcement, and corporal punishment. These practices can compound feelings of isolation and...
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School’s Out for the Summer. Why Aren’t Teens More Chill? (mindful.org)
Unaddressed anxiety has a different impact on young minds - that's why it's important to confront our own fears in a mindful way while providing resources for our teens. School's out for the summer. While students are taking a break, it's still a time of transition: Whether middle school students are gearing up for high school, or high school seniors are preparing to enter into the adult world, each transition carries an element of uncertainty. Although changes like these can mark exciting...
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Scotland has banned smacking children – so should everyone else [newscientist.com]
Smacking children was outlawed in Scotland this week. Remarkably, parents in the rest of the UK can still use physical violence to punish or discipline their children, provided it can be considered “reasonable punishment”, a term not properly defined in law . Smacking is allowed in the majority of other nations. Around the world, smacking is common. A 2014 report by UNICEF found that 80 per cent of the world’s children are subject to some form of violent punishment at home. A survey of just...
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Secrets Of Breast-Feeding From Global Moms In The Know (www.npr.org)
"Many of the women that I talked to actually struggled a lot with learning how to breast-feed," she says. Two-thirds of the women said they had some problems at the beginning, such as pain, fear, troubles getting the baby to latch and concerns about the milk supply — just like American moms. And their problems went behind breast-feeding. "Most women talked about having little knowledge about early infant care, such as how to hold babies or how to be sure they're sleeping safely," Scelza...
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Series: Surveillance Isn’t Safety (www.risemagazine.org)
There's a great new series by Rise Magazine about how reporting to child protective services, by schools, impact children, parents, families, and relationships between families, schools, and communities. You can link to individual articles below or t o this series link, here. For those who don't know about Rise Magazine, here's some information:
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Limbic Revision – Love Heals Your Traumatized Brain
Limbic revision is simply another name for revising and rewiring the faulty development of our brain, namely our limbic system. In simple terms in order to truly heal we need to experience deep and attuned loving care.
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Love as Destiny: A Former Foster Youth's Journey in Motherhood [chronicleofsocialchange.org]
By Katarina Sayally, The Chronicle of Social Change, October 25, 2019 If you haven’t heard enough stories about what breaking the intergenerational cycle of foster care looks like, I want to share one. This is our story, and it’s a good one. When I found out I was pregnant, the only fear I had was, “What if my baby ends up in foster care?” As a former foster youth who works in the field, I am constantly reminded of this possibility. One study found that mothers in foster care were twice as...
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Loving a Trauma Survivor: Understanding Childhood Trauma’s Impact On Relationships (www.brickelandassociates.com)
Note: I saw this article by Robyn E. Brickel, MA, LMFT on my Facebook newsfeed today. Times have changed! How great to find resources more readily available. Many of us are not only trauma survivor parents but we are related to, in love with or partnering with adults who are as well. This is a helpful resource to help us better understand our/their sometimes fearful and withdrawing reactions. I'm also sharing that I got an email from someone at 2 a.m. last night who said that research...
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How Magic Hugs & Author Donna Jackson Nakazawa Make ACEs Science Useful to Parents
Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a well-known writer and author. Her book, Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology is a go-to guide for lots of us and makes her a frequent guest on podcasts. Last week I heard Allison Morris interview her during her Healing Our Children World Summit . Morris, a self-described "trauma mama" and "single adoptive mother of a child with early developmental trauma, attachment issues, and some physical disabilities" who gathers information and...
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Making the Good Stuff Louder: Trauma Dad, Bryon Hamel
Byron Hamel, (AKA Trauma Dad ), is a filmmaker , children's rights and men's wellness advocate. He's also a father with "ACEs through the roof," who survived child torture at the hands of a man now on death row for infanticide. Before the Father & ACEs chat started last week (see full chat transcript ), we discussed if and how to give a trigger warning. Hamel's experienced horrific trauma during childhood. He didn't want to traumatize those on the chat but wanted to be honest.
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Mediocre Mothering Made Better by Guided Imagery
My parenting was not ideal yesterday. I'd slept three hours and had a condo deal fall through days before closing. My house will still sell so I don't know where we'll be living in a few weeks. This is high stress. I was distracted, on the phone over 50 times with real estate people, the bank, attorneys, friends, town hall and rental places. Not fun. I cried a little but mostly felt an overwhelmed shutdown, the kind that comes with terrible thoughts. Like when the realtor says, "This has...
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Mentored Boys or Monster Boys: The Two Choices for Our Future
I wrote recently about my preparations to take my 15 year-old grandson, Deon, for a four day, young men’s rites of passage, retreat. It was truly an adventure of a life-time for both of us and want to share a bit about the experience with you (that’s me in the second row on the right with Deon beside me). I’ve long believed that mentoring is critical to the well-being of our children and grandchildren, particularly the young men. It’s also critical to the well-being of our communities. Many...
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Michelle Kinder: Teach kids social emotional health by demonstrating it [DallasNews.com]
It is encouraging to hear Dallas ISD and districts across the country working hard to integrate social emotional health education back into our schools. However, without two key factors in place, these efforts will not succeed. There is no curriculum that is going to provide the reset that we are looking for in our schools (or in our country for that matter). The first factor that cannot be ignored is that as adults, we must practice what we preach. Explicitly teaching social emotional...
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Mindfulness: When Not to Use It (www.upliftconnect.com) & Commentary
Note: I have seen lots of discussion about the benefits and risks of mindfulness and meditation for trauma survivors. Most often, sitting meditation has not been desirable, possible or helpful for me. If one has little kids, periods of silence may not seem to ever exist. And stopping or being totally quiet and alone with myself is sometimes anything but calming or quieting. I've used guided meditation or yoga nidra instead to help me shift to a more calm and relaxed state. Sometimes I'll try...
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Most Therapeutic Experiences Don't Take Place in Therapy [PsychoTherapyNetworker.org]
Note: The article is great. If you don't have time to read it, this quote is worth a minute. Relationships matter: the currency for systemic change was trust, and trust comes through forming healthy working relationships. People, not programs, change people. The cooperation, respect and collaboration we experienced gave us hope that we could make a difference, even though the raids themselves had ended in such catastrophe. The seeds of a new way of working with traumatized children were sown...
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Mothering at the Edge
Life has been so sweet of late and that, for me, has been emotional. I feel a mixture of joy and disbelief. This time of mothering a teen as a parent with ACEs. I sit the edge of my bed sorting socks and memories. A middle-aged mother in so many kinds of transition. Some mornings, I hear her feet soft on carpeted stairs, see her long hair rolling down her back almost touching the hips. I remember when she did not have hips. The years I gathered her up each morning, carrying her down the...
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My Encounter With Harvey Weinstein and What it Tells Us About Trauma
I have been watching the scandal about Harvey Weinstein emerge with great interest – in the early ‘90s, I too was one of the young women he preyed upon.
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My son was hospitalized and now he has PTSD
“Grant, do you remember when you were in the hospital?” “Yes… they came to take the blood and I turned into a werewolf.” Original Post It happened quickly. A year ago my three year old had a collarbone fracture, it became infected and within 24 hours the situation was emergent. A week long hospital stay, one month with a PICC line and two months on oral antibiotics. Finally, the labs finally came back normal. The X-Ray was clean. Gillette Children’s Hospital closed our case. But the healing...
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The Developing Brain & Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
Thanks to an explosion in scientific research now possible with imaging technologies, such as fMRI and SPECT, experts can actually see how the brain develops. This helps explain why exposure to adverse childhood experiences can so deeply influence and change a child's brain and thus their physical and emotional health and quality of life across their lifetime. The above time-lapse study was conducted over 10 years. The darker colors represent brain maturity (brain development). I have added...