Tagged With "manage fear"
Blog Post
1000 TELLINGS!
I just had to cradle a bundle of books when my publisher showed me the first 1000 copies that arrived from the printer. A thousand copies! At this very moment the most important thing is they exist. Not if or when they’ll be purchased. Not who will get a copy or what they’ll think of it as they read it. What’s happening is I am telling. A thousand times over, I am telling. A lot of people already know that after every rape my father said, “You tell anyone and I’ll kill you.” And I’ve worked...
Blog Post
4 Jedi Mind(fulness) Tricks to Help an Anxious Child (themighty.com)
Middle school hurt. Social intimidation, academic challenges and parental pressures all set against the backdrop of swirling hormones and my personal penchant for worry . Around age 12, my anxiety really took flight and started to knock the wind right out of me — literally. The smallest challenges sparked internal firestorms of thoughts that manifested in stomachaches, crying, and often shortness of breath. My parents tried to cleave me from the throes of panic with consistent love and...
Blog Post
50 calm-down ideas to try with kids of all ages (www.mother.ly) & Note
Note: I usually refrain from parenting advice and how-to-do anything. To me, it's about as effective as how-to-eat healthy advice and sharing nutrition facts as though people eat chips because they don't know vegetables are healthier. However, for parents looking for ways to get, feel and be more calm, this is a list with a lot of ideas. A parent who is less stressed, overwhelmed and feels less stretched is going to parent better. That's good for kids, too and parents can do some of these...
Blog Post
7 Ways to Help a Child Deal with Traumatic Stress
Traumatic stress feels awful. Thankfully, there are small things we can all do to help relax a hyperaroused nervous system.
Blog Post
7 Ways to Help a Child Deal with Traumatic Stress (www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org)
Excerpt from article by Hllary Jacobs Hendel: To read this full article by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, go here.
Blog Post
9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor
Self-care is the sum of things you do for your emotional and physical wellbeing. Getting enough sleep, brushing your teeth, and eating well are classic examples of good physical self-care. How to take good care of yourself emotionally may be harder to see from the outside. Your ability to view your inner world with compassion and curiosity is one sign. Noticing your emotions and thoughts with gentle awareness is another inward sign of emotional self-care. Knowing how to find and turn to...
Blog Post
A Brief Overview of Post-Partum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (mathewsopenaccess.com)
Note: Parenting with ACEs can present us with extra challenges. Being pregnant, giving birth and breastfeeding can all be difficult for many of us. The stresses all parents experience can be compounded depending on our own emotional and physical well-being and the support we have (emotional, financial, family, community). In addition, we might have to consider thing such as going on, staying on or going off of drugs for some period of time during and following pregnancy. We don't talk a lot...
Blog Post
A Few Quotes I Love from The Silenced Child by Claudia M. Gold, MD
This book is so good. I am loving reading it and I have already underlined so many parts that I can't wait to read the whole thing to write a book review. I'm going to start sharing some quotes. First, what I love most is the warm and non-clinical tone. It sounds like it is written by a human being and that's appealing. The author writes about parents (and is one) with kindness and care and as a human being. O.k., at only 50 pages in, here are some of the gems so far : "Listening to parents...
Blog Post
A Post in Honor of World Mental Health Day: ACEs - Childhood Traumas - Are the Mother of Almost All Addiction and Disease.
Community is the anti-trauma. Children who grow up in trauma are wired for trauma -- it is the lens through which they see the world -- unless that trauma is disrupted by a love of peace. That peace comes from quiet moments reading, time in nature, time when there is no fear or expectation. It takes a lot for a parent with high ACEs to learn how to calm the mind and body enough to provide that calm space for children. ACEs are crafty. Their impact pops up across the lifespan, and for women,...
Blog Post
A Reflection of Real Life and the Amazing Influence of People: The Saga of C-PTSD Continues
Cissy Note on Leisa's Amazing Post: This post isn't about parenting, specifically, but it is about C-PTSD which many parents are living with, sorting through and recovering from. I felt so much compassion for and admiration of Leisa reading this. I even felt some compassion for myself. I wonder how many others, while facing our ACEs feel the compassion of others or ourselves? I wonder if anyone, while battling symptoms, feels respected or admired? There can be so much shame. I hope that if...
Blog Post
A Relative Stranger (www.lilacsinoctober.wordpress.com)
Arwen Faulkner wrote this stunning piece about her father, ACEs, their relationships and his death. Like life, it's complex, painful and beautiful all at the same time. What I know about my father could fit on a grain of sand. He wore Drakkar Noir cologne, rode a Harley Davidson, and loved Jimi Hendrix. And he was an addict with a brilliant mind who struggled most of his life to shake the monkey off his back, until one day, that nasty monkey killed him. A few other things I wish I didn’t...
Blog Post
A Sherpa Helping Us Scale Mountains of Loss & Fear: The Impact of Sebern Fisher's Work
“You can recover from all that happened to you.” That was the dose of hope I received from Sebern Fisher during a short telephone interview. She is the author of Neurofeedback in the Treatment of Developmental Trauma: Calming the Fear-Driven Brain. Her book is excellent even if you never plan on using neurofeedback. She helps explain why and how developmental trauma devastates and how it is different than single-incident trauma or traditional post-traumatic stress. Honestly – if you read her...
Blog Post
Effects of Preterm Birth
A baby born prematurely often spends that crucial time for attachment and development of neural pathways in the NICU
Blog Post
Eleanor Scott on Facing her Fear of Abandonment in www.Guardian.com
I love this essay about adult love and childhood abandonment. Maybe we are parenting and helping our children through grief and loss due to death, divorce, desertion or abandonment. Maybe we've been there ourselves. Children often can't or won't verbalize what they are thinking or feeling at the time. Maybe we read it in their body language. Maybe we need to ask. And sometimes it's just wonderful to read about the real lives of complex people doing such as being brave in love. This part...
Blog Post
Every Woman Was Once a Girl: Why We Need to Talk About the Unique Biological Effects of #ToxicChildhoodStress and #FemaleAdversity on Women’s Bodies and Brains
This is Part Two of my Female Adversity: The Female Body and Brain on Toxic Stress series. (CRUCIAL NOTE HERE BEFORE YOU READ: Boys’ immune systems become dysregulated in response to #toxicstress too, and that leads to disease and changes to the brain that we also need to talk about more openly AND compassionately. Today I’m focusing on girls’ unique immune response to #toxicstress.) So, exactly what happens in a girl’s body, in response to #toxicstress, that leads girls to be more likely to...
Blog Post
Experts Worry Active Shooter Drills in Schools Could be Traumatic for Students [npr.org]
By Lulu Garcia-Navarro, Sophia Alvarez-Boyd, and James Doubek, National Public Radio, November 10, 2019 A regular drumbeat of mass shootings in the U.S., both inside schools and out, has ramped up pressure on education and law enforcement officials to do all they can to prevent the next attack. Close to all public schools in the U.S. conducted some kind of lockdown drill in 2015-2016, according to the National Center for Education Statistics. Last year, 57% of teens told researchers they...
Blog Post
Family Anxiety Challenge - Changing the Neural Pathways In Our Brains
I am a therapist who has to make an effort each day to manage my anxiety and negative emotions. Therapists are not usually open about their mental health in our culture; we are looked to as the expert and someone who has it "all together." But I became a therapist for two reasons, to help understand my brain, and to use what I learned to help others. I find that being transparent about my mental health inspires others to share their truths. Human beings are a work in progress. We know this...
Blog Post
Fear Compromises The Health, Well-Being Of Immigrant Families, Report Finds [californiahealthline.org]
Luis Ramirez has lived in the U.S. without immigration papers for two decades, but he is more worried about deportation now than ever before. Ramirez said he and his wife, Luz Cadeo, who is also here illegally, have already made plans in case they are arrested by immigration police: The couple, who live in Lakewood, Calif., would try to find work in their native Mexico while their youngest U.S.-born children, ages 15 and 18, stayed in the U.S. with a relative. “We are taking it very...
Blog Post
For Parents with High ACE Scores
When I lecture at universities, advocacy groups, hospitals, schools, etc., I’m often asked: what advice do you have for parents who have high ACE scores if they are trying to raise children with fewer ACEs? Children with ACEs find “resiliency” because an adult provides a safe environment – in which they feel known, validated. So that means that the most important thing adults can do is to manage their own stuff. Self-regulation by adults is a first step to help kids self-regulate themselves.
Blog Post
Gathering in Topeka, Kansas for the Educators’ Art of Facilitation Chapter III
I never believed that a man who abuses anyone physically, emotionally or verbally is simply a monster.That's too simple.There is a reason why men do what they do, and don't do and in order to help men and women to not be hurtful to themselves or others we must as I said in my last post ”help them heal.” We must advocate for a world in which we don't punish, we transform. I have always believed this on many issues, from domestic violence to drug addiction to other acts of criminality. We...
Blog Post
Going beyond asking what happened: building beloved community
“Our goal is to create a beloved community and this will require a qualitative change in our souls as well as a quantitative change in our lives.”- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “beloved community is formed not by the eradication of difference but by its affirmation, by each of us claiming the identities and cultural legacies that shape who we are and how we live in the world.” –bell hooks One of the most notable descriptors of trauma-informed care is shifting the question of what is wrong...
Blog Post
Great Basic Parenting Tips & Why I Have Such a Hard Time Sharing Them
At least once a week I struggle about what to share here. This is my most recent example. It's a series of tips on the U.S. Department of Education . These are great hand-outs with comprehensive information about child development that's not too long, abstract or hard to read. Here's the list (also attached below). I especially like the flyer for talking about feelings which has the tag line "Talking is teaching." And the short summary of milestones at different ages and stages from birth to...
Blog Post
Guilt vs. Shame (www.nicabm.com)
There's a blog post by Ruth Buczynski, PhD on the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine website that links to a great infographic explaining the difference between guilt and shame. It's worth checking out. What I found most helpful though is something I've never really heard of or understood - irrational guilt. Irrational guilt is defined as "a feeling of psychological discomfort about something we've done against our irrationally high standards." Who knew? I...
Blog Post
Healing in place: Game on to flip the COVID19 threat into a positive experience for our children
As I was considering the children sheltering-in-place this morning and reflecting on lessons from my own childhood, I wondered: Can we heal-in-place too? I was born after the 1962 Cuban missile crisis, another collective trauma affecting everyone. Yet, it was nevertheless passed on to me by the adults in my life in the form of constant reminders that the U.S. could be blown into bits any second. When I started school, there were constant “hide under the chair” earthquake drills I took to be...
Blog Post
Healing Our Ghosts Podcast Series in 2019 (www.wrestlingghosts.com)
Ana Joanes, the Director of the film, Wrestling Ghosts has a new podcast series and it's fantastic. If you are hungry for honest conversations about developmental trauma, healing, how ACEs impact children and the adults we become, you will want to tune in. The most recent guest is Sebern Fisher, author of Neurofeedback for Developmental Trauma: Calming the Fear-Driven Brain . It's one of the best interviews I've heard with Sebern (and I've listened to lots). There are interviews with varied...
Blog Post
Health Care System Fails Many Transgender Americans (npr.org)
In the basement of Casa Ruby in Washington, D.C., transgender men and women in their late teens and 20s, mostly brown or black, shared snacks, watched TV, chatted or played games on their phones. Many of them, said Corado, are part of the 31 percent. That's 31 percent of transgender Americans who lack regular access to health care. The finding comes from a new poll by NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health. Corado pointed to one crucial word...
Blog Post
Holding Space for Our Kids?
This is an excellent article about "holding space" published a few days ago in Uplift . The visuals are exceptional. It's making me think about 'holding space' as it pertains to parenting. For me, it can be harder for me to drop my "I'm in the mom teaching role" and just hold space, as a parent. To listen rather than advise. To be with rather than make better. To offer myself rather than impose myself. To accept where my kid is at in a moment and be with that moment - and her - at the same...
Blog Post
'How Do We Recover?': Experts Weigh In on How to Talk to Your Kids About Shootings [latimes.com]
By Nina Agrawal, Los Angeles Times, November 14, 2019 The shooting at Saugus High School in Santa Clarita on Thursday touched off intense, heart-sinking fear among many teenagers who ran for cover, barricaded classroom doors with tables and chairs, and hid in closets. Later, as they were reunited at a park, evacuated students and parents collapsed into one another’s arms in long, tearful hugs. “Fear made it feel like we were waiting in silence forever,” said Andrei Mojica, 17, who locked...
Blog Post
How Does Trauma Affect a Person’s Interaction with Their Child? (www.nicabm.com) & Commentary
Has anyone seen this video posted on the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICAMB) blog? "According to Dr. Ruth Lanius, a parent's experience of trauma can impact their ability to form a close, intimate relationship with their child." Ruth Buczynski, PhD Those of us Parenting with ACEs sure know that's the truth. Developmental trauma impacts our ability to form close and intimate relationships with ourselves, other adults and our children. The video was...
Blog Post
How It Feels & How We Heal: Parenting with ACEs Chat Quotes (You Tube, Database, PDFs, Links)
Parenting with ACEs is sharing inspiration, information, and expertise from our chat series in 3 formats. Parenting with ACEs: How It Feels & How We Heal Quote Collection (pdf version below as well) Quotes Database (pdf version below as well) Links to Chat Transcripts and before and after-the-chat blog posts. Thanks to everyone who showed up, who shared, and who is doing the important work that is our mission (prevent ACEs, heal trauma, build resilience). We know that work happens...
Blog Post
How Neuroscience Can Help Your Kid Make Good Choices (mindful.org)
Imagine the following scenario: Your eight-year-old son is repeatedly poked with a pencil by his classmate at school. How does he respond? He might endure the pokes without complaint by using willpower, or he might stay silent, succumbing to feelings of fear or powerlessness. He could lose his self-control and act out, attacking his classmate verbally or poking him back. Or does your son “self-regulate” by considering his options and resources, taking stock of his feelings and strengths,...
Blog Post
The Ten Books That Changed My Life - Healing ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) and Building Resilience
Teri Wellbrock offers a list of those books that had a profound impact on her life and helped her create a life filled with tranquility and joy. While she may not have agreed with every word written, she did find powerful answers, delicious little tidbits, and inspirational guidance within each book.
Blog Post
The Trauma of Having a Newborn in the NICU [theatlantic.com]
When Kelli Kelley awoke from her C-section 17 years ago, having delivered her son after just 24 weeks of pregnancy, her husband gave her a Polaroid of their baby. He was tiny, underdeveloped, eyes still fused shut, with translucent skin covered in fine hair, and lying in a sea of medical equipment and lines. To Kelley, he looked like a baby bird. Cut to her first visit to the neonatal intensive-care unit ( nicu ) to meet him: a cacophony of beeping machines, harsh lighting,...
Blog Post
The Trauma Resiliency Model: A “Bottom-Up” Intervention for Trauma Psychotherapy (Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association)
Grabbe L, Miller-Karas E. The Trauma Resiliency Model: A “Bottom-Up” Intervention for Trauma Psychotherapy. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association. 2017; 24 (1): 76-84.
Blog Post
The Trauma-Sensitive Parenting Summit & Commentary
"Having a history of trauma or loss does not by itself predispose you to have a child with disorganization. It is the lack of resolution that is the essential risk factor. It is never too late to move toward making sense of your experiences and healing your past. Not only you but also your child will benefit." That's a quote from the book Parenting from the Inside Out: How A Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive, which was published fifteen freaking years ago. It's...
Blog Post
Therapy with Neurofeedback
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/02/04/689747637/if-youre-often-angry-or-irritable-you-may-be-depressed My response to the above article from NPR: Depression is the word people use when they feel bad. What people in this piece are struggling to understand is that depression is not one thing or in fact “a thing” at all. It’s certainly not a useful diagnosis. DSM diagnosis constricts our understanding rather than enhancing it. Here they are struggling to understand states of...
Blog Post
‘This is not a child safety crisis. It’s a poverty crisis, a racism crisis.’ – A social worker and former foster youth featured in HBO’s ‘Foster’ shares her vision of societal and system change (www.risemagazine.org)
Excerpts from article by Sarah Harris from Rise Magazine . Q: What led you to work in the foster care system? A: I am a former foster youth and I’ve been a social worker at the L.A. Department of Child and Family Services for 5 years. I entered foster care through probation, and I got into probation through survival. I was breaking the law for clothes and food. In foster care, I bounced around a lot. For the most part I was AWOL. I was in group homes but I stayed with family or friends.
Blog Post
This Isn’t Real Life, This Isn’t Fantasy – To Those Who Think We Aren’t Preparing Them For the Real World (by Sarah Neal) (heysigmund.com)
In 2013, my husband won custody of his children (my stepson, “Little,” age six; my stepdaughter, “Middle,” age 7). Before they came to live with us, they endured a lot of early-childhood trauma and neglect, and they were soon diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) . The most important part of their treatment plan involves therapeutic parenting. We use the SPACE model, which stands for “safety, supervision, structure, support … playful, accepting, curious, and empathetic.” We do...
Blog Post
This Survivor is Helping Doctor's Patients Not Die 20 Years Too Young
Earlier this year I shared one piece of my trauma history with my family doctor... it’s finally out in the open, but I really wish I didn’t have to be the one to start that conversation every time.
Blog Post
Through a Trauma Lens: The Need for Doulas
Trigger warning: trauma, doctors, hospital, birth, sex It is very important to me to approach all of the work that I do from a trauma-informed perspective. Whether it is asking for consent before touching a student in yoga class, offering self-regulation skills to those I work with, or preparing clients for potential triggers*, I do my best to incorporate my on-going learning in the field of trauma into my professional practices. Recently, I began taking trauma classes for professionals...
Blog Post
TIC: News and Notes for March 2020
ACEs, Adversity's Impact Lessons learned integrating ACEs science into health clinics: Staff first, THEN patients Launching a revolution Stress is a key to understanding many social determinants of health Is trauma driving some eating disorders? Adverse childhood experiences: What we know, what we don't know, and what should happen next Childhood maltreatment initiates a developmental cascade that leads to relationship dysfunction in emerging adulthood Report reveals link between poverty,...
Blog Post
To ask or not to ask? That shouldn’t be a question
Russell Wilson, an ACEsConnection.com member from New Zealand, posted a question to the community in which he noted that a “heck of a lot of people” with ACEs who enter treatment are often never asked about those histories, and that this approach is not honoring their right to appropriate and adequate treatment. It’s an issue that’s come up often in many ways and in many settings besides mental health. Some trauma-informed training never mentions the CDC-Kaiser Permanente Adverse Childhood...
Blog Post
Tracing One’s Family ACEs Tree to Break the Familial Cycles of Alcohol Misuse
My marrying an alcoholic never made sense to me. My mother developing the disease of alcoholism never made sense to me, either. And why my loved ones couldn’t get it together to stop or wrest control of their drinking was equally confusing. Yet I churned around and in and through this muck for almost four decades before my world was split wide open. It was 2003 and one of my loved ones entered a residential treatment program for alcoholism. I remember experiencing a giddy – “I knew it, I...
Blog Post
Training a Brain Afraid from Too Many ACEs: Demystifying Neurofeedback
Please share any stories, insights, experiences or opinions you have about neurofeedback. Have you tried it? Do you know anyone who has? Have you tried to get it covered by insurance for yourself or a child? Many of us are curious about this for treating our own symptoms or for better supporting our kids but it sounds serious, complicated and expensive. What's your experience been? What have you heard or felt or tried? What do you think? Sebern Fisher believes a “well-regulated brain” is a...
Blog Post
Transforming Trauma Podcast: The Blind Spots of Privilege and Complex Trauma in Marginalized Communities
Transforming Trauma Podcast: The Blind Spots of Privilege and Complex Trauma in Marginalized Communities Claude Cayemitte, a clinical social worker and NARM Therapist, joins the Transforming Trauma podcast to examine how complex trauma impacts individuals from marginalized communities and how unrecognized cultural trauma can lead to misattunement in the therapeutic relationship. Using the NeuroAffective Relational Model as a foundation, and his own background as a Haitian-American male...
Blog Post
Trauma Amid The Coronavirus: 8 Ways To Prevent Symptoms From Worsening [mindbodygreen.com]
By Shaili Jain, Mind Body Green, March 23, 2020 Amid the coronavirus pandemic, people everywhere are adjusting to a new normal. As we're all experiencing, the stress of these adjustments certainly differ from our regular day-to-day stress. And for those living with trauma, there's a very real possibility their symptoms could get worse under the current circumstances. With standard ways to cope unavailable (like going to the gym, meeting up with friends, or going to a concert) this can be a...
Blog Post
Trauma, Attachment, and Relationships
Interventions in the Attachment and Relationship Problems Trauma Can Cause Julie De Wilde Alfred Adler Graduate School Abstract Much research has been done on the negative effects of trauma on attachment, which then has negative effects on relationships. Research more recently has focused on the positive post traumatic growth that can happen when clients receive safe, healthy attachment to a therapist they can trust. Research also includes the benefits to the client when a therapist includes...
Blog Post
Trauma-Informed Money Management: ACE Score of 7+; Gaining Clarity in My Third Act (careysipp.com)
I almost felt slapped in the face – a wakeup slap; not a punishment – when I read Cissy White’s groundbreaking post describing her joy in finding out her “ACE score.” Her writing about her elation at learning about the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study and questionnaire was an unintentional throw-down on her part. As I read her post I was compelled to reframe my shame, fear, and overall sense of dread about my own high ACE score. (Cissy has given me permission to use her name and to...
Blog Post
Trauma-Informed Parenting: What Adoptive & Foster Parents Can Teach, Part 2
I wonder how we can better support all parents so they (we) get enough support to be the reliable rocks our children require? And where can we get assistance when that's not possible?
Blog Post
Trauma-Informed Social Justice: Q&A with Dr. Bukuloa Ogunkua
Cissy's Note: I work with people who challenge systems and policies, who reform or start non-profits, and who see hope and promise where others see despair or destruction. While some folks shake their heads or shrug indifferently in the face of injustice and suffering, others organize, mobilize, and channel their time and energy towards making a change. Maybe a physician hosts an annual conference bringing trauma-informed approaches to medical practice. Perhaps a woman shares ACEs 101...