Note: I saw this article by Robyn E. Brickel, MA, LMFT on my Facebook newsfeed today. Times have changed! How great to find resources more readily available. Many of us are not only trauma survivor parents but we are related to, in love with or partnering with adults who are as well. This is a helpful resource to help us better understand our/their sometimes fearful and withdrawing reactions.
I'm also sharing that I got an email from someone at 2 a.m. last night who said that research articles and information didn't speak to her or made her feel less alone unless they were in first person. She said she needed first person pieces to make her cry, laugh and feel seen and heard. I too need stories from the "been there bunch" in order to heal and "lean in" to healing. It's why I usually sign my writing with my real name now as doing will no longer put my job or safety at risk. What a burden many of us have to have trauma in childhood and then shame in adulthood for being impacted.
It's great there are now communities where we can find one another as partners, parents and people speaking about real life as it's being lived with our particular health and emotional issues. We can keep sharing all types of resources and stories to help inform and heal one another about how trauma works and how recovery can feel.
Excerpt from the article Loving a Trauma Survivor: Understanding Childhood Trauma’s Impact On Relationships and also an excerpt from a piece about being a trauma survivor in an adult relationship.
Survivors of childhood trauma deserve all the peace and security that a loving relationship can provide. But a history of abuse or neglect can make trusting another person feel terrifying. Trying to form an intimate relationship may lead to frightening missteps and confusion.
How can we better understand the impact of trauma, and help survivors find the love, friendship and support they and their partner deserve?
How People Cope With Unresolved Trauma
Whether the trauma was physical, sexual, or emotional, the impact can show up in a host of relationship issues. Survivors often believe deep down that no one can really be trusted, that intimacy is dangerous, and for them, a real loving attachment is an impossible dream. Many tell themselves they are flawed, not good enough and unworthy of love. Thoughts like these can wreak havoc in relationships throughout life.
When early childhood relationships are sources of overwhelming fear, or when absent, insecure or disorganized attachment leaves a person feeling helpless and alone, the mind needs some way to cope. A child may latch onto thoughts like
Don’t trust, it’s not safe!
Don’t reach out, don’t be a burden to anyone!
Don’t dwell on how you feel, just move along!
Full article.
Excerpt from first-person piece.
When I started dating a blue-eyed boy last summer I felt it only fair to warn him: “It’s all trauma, all the time with me.”
He laughed.
“I’m serious though,” I said.
“I’m a grown-ass man,” he said, which I took as him saying, “Bring it.”It was encouraging.
But I did not bring it, at least not right away.
It was the total truth about my childhood and the total truth about why I have post-traumatic stress disorder. Full article.
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