Tagged With "General Theory of Love"
Blog Post
Sherman Alexie’s incredible openness in two articles & audios (www.KUOW.org) & Commentary
"It all blends together. It's the way in which cruelty can be everyday ordinary to spectacular - but that it's a constant possibility. So that her unpredictable nature, her amazing beauty, and magic combined with her ability to be so mean." Sherman Alexie These articles , Facebook posts and audio clips and interviews with Sherman Alexie are so moving, beautiful and painful. It's like poetry, song, prayer or listening to birds in the trees. I may not get every message being shared but can...
Blog Post
Show & Tell
Show don't tell is the first bit of advice almost every writer gets. Don't give facts if words can form an image. Don't say a song was fast-paced if words can tap quickly, instead, across the page. It's good advice but when it comes to ACEs we need both. We need to tell and show and tell again. There's resistance to telling. We need facts and data and proof. And we need stories. Both. Over and over and over. So the facts come with faces. So the data is as pressing as a poem. I can write...
Blog Post
Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) (www.traumainformedoregon.org)
As a Certified Prevention Specialist for Wasco County, I am often asked at what age should a parent start talking to their child about the risks of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. My answer to that question has dramatically changed over the last several years and it has to do with a combination of 6 letters . . . SEL and ACEs. SEL stands for Social Emotional Learning and ACEs stands for Adverse Childhood Experiences. These two acronyms are receiving attention individually but YouthThink...
Blog Post
Social injustice and inequality in the care system Part 1: How professionals can inadvertently make things worse (www.psychchange.org)
Cissy's note: One of the best blogs I've read recently and describes why I am passionate about sharing information about ACEs/Pair of ACEs personally and professionally but don't support universal #ACEs screening of adults or children, particularly parents and survivors of ACEs. I still worry that ACE scores will be used to further marginalize, shame, and other individuals and families. We know, thankfully, that #ACEs happen to all people, regardless of class, race, gender, etc. which is...
Blog Post
Song Truth
I love music and lyrics and growing up, before I knew about ACEs science, it's one of the places where people spoke about or emoted about complexity and adversity though never using those words. It was comforting and familiar and sometimes wise. And now that I know about ACEs science, I hear evidence of it in all the words, tones and the mixture of experience and grief shared by many song writers. Sometimes in some of my old favorite songs and sometimes in new ones. But songs can also show...
Blog Post
Split: Divorce Resource (www.split.org) & Commentary
"When I'm with my Mom I miss my Dad. When I'm with my Dad I miss my Mom. I'm always missing someone." Katie, my cousin said those words when she was not yet in first grade. It was heartbreaking and sad. When my daughter's Dad and I divorced, my daughter wasn't as emotional, at first. When we told her that her Dad and I were separating, and assured her, "It's not your fault," she said words I'll never forget. "Why would it be my fault?" She thought that was ridiculous and silly. That was a...
Blog Post
Spokane, WA, public health nurses create trauma-sensitive toolkit for parents/caregivers
Public health nurses at Spokane Regional Health District (SRHD) developed a 178-page toolkit -- 1*2*3 Care -- for caregivers of children. They define caregivers as parents, g randparents, child care providers, teachers, and others who care...
Blog Post
Sponsorship Opportunity to Help Community Resilience Initiative
CRI is seeking various levels of sponsors for our Fourth Annual Beyond Paper Tigers conference. We would love if you would consider partnering with us to assist our community's education, best practices, and treatment strategies. Sponsorships will help pay for speakers, meals, supplies, and conference activities. To partner with us at our highest gift level- as a lead sponsor- would bring profound impact to our conference. We would be grateful for the honor of calling you our lead sponsor,...
Blog Post
Star Neuroscientist Tom Insel Leaves the Google-Spawned Verily for … a Startup? (www.wired.com) & Commentary
I wonder if ACEs science is known, considered or used by a neuroscientist such as Insel? I read stories, like the one below as a parent and a trauma survivor and am as fascinated as I am troubled. My hope is that technology and health data tracking will be used to better treat people and to treat people better? Here are some excerpts from an interesting article in Wired which was written by Adam Rogers: Insel’s hopes for research have always been outsized. You might remember the...
Blog Post
Strengthening Families: Increasing positive outcomes for children and families [www.cssp.org]
We engage families, programs, and communities in building key protective factors. Children are more likely to thrive when their families have the support they need. By focusing on the five universal family strengths identified in the Strengthening Families Protective Factors Framework , community leaders and service providers can better engage, support, and partner with parents in order to achieve the best outcomes for kids. How We Do It The Strengthening Families framework is a...
Blog Post
Substance Use Disorder and Brain Development
The inputs a brain experiences during its developmental stages have a profound impact on whether that person will develop a substance use disorder (if they choose to drink or use other drugs). In turn, developing a substance use disorder (SUD) as a tween, teen, or young adult dramatically influences that person's brain development. And why is understanding this causality important? The risk factors for developing a substance use disorder are the result of inputs the brain experiences (or...
Blog Post
Taking ACEs Histories for Mothers Recovering from Substance Abuse
The aptly named Great Starts program at the Helen Ross McNabb Center in Knoxville, TN, provides a six-to-nine month residential treatment and two-year follow-up program for pregnant mothers and moms with newborns recovering from substance abuse. Earlier this year, curious about the early childhood history of its residents, the center started asking the women about their ACEs history. The results would not have been surprising to those familiar with ACEs: Of the 16 moms who filled out the...
Blog Post
Taming the Dragons: Helping Children Cope: Ages Birth to Twelve Years
Taming the Dragons is a training manual for parents, foster parents, and kinship caregivers. It was developed out of a crisis nursery in WA state by Sue Delucchi. English and Spanish versions attached here for free downloads.
Blog Post
The AAP opens up access to ACE studies to highlight long-term impact of family separations and detentions at the border
Photo by Gerald R. Nino/Wikimedia.org "We have created a collection of articles on toxic stress since the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, the Committee on Early Childhood, Adoption and Dependent Care, and the Section on Behavior and Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics published their landmark policy statement, “ Early Childhood Adversity, Toxic Stress, and the Role of the Pediatrician: Translating Developmental Science into...
Blog Post
The Absence of Punishment in Our Schools
Where to begin... My heart is full of hope and joy as I watch the trauma-informed schools movement swell across our nation and planet. The science of ACEs is mind-bending to say the least and we are now able to open up a much deeper dialogue about human behavior and health. Ultimately this work is about healing… All. Of. Us. A new consciousness is taking root around ending the “us vs them” construct. The idea is growing that we’re all on this journey together and that no matter where our...
Blog Post
The Boy Born Out of Resilience
A few months ago I published a blog, " A Mother's Rage". I re-accounted my rage and helplessness regarding my daughter's high school rape in Miami, FL. I ended my post with words of hope. I wrote how several years had passed since my daughter's assault. She was now engaged and pregnant with my first grandchild. This is the rest of the story. I held my daughter's hand as she labored through the night with my grandson. I tried to comfort her fiancee who felt helpless. I rubbed her back,...
Blog Post
Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz: Solving Poverty in Your Local Community (www.betterleadersbetterschools.com) & Commentary
Cissy's note: This is a great podcast for parents, educators, and community organizers and change makers. It is an interview with @Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz interviewed by Danny Bowers "Sunshine" of Better Leaders Better Schools . Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz says things like, " We all need each other. Everyone here is important," and " The community is who we are," but they aren't inclusive-sounding platitudes. She is a tireless optimist but also understands, personally and professionally, how...
Blog Post
Registration Open - 2019 Families and Fathers Conference Early Rate and Hotel Discount Closing Please Share
In forty-eight days, we open our 20th convening of a powerful conference focused on strengthening families, improving outcomes for children, and strategies to engage families. The 20th Annual Families and Fathers Conference hosted by Fathers and Families Coalition of America Sponsorships allow the extended early rate for an exceptional experience in Los Angeles, California from March 4th (pre-conference institute credential) through the main conference dates of March 5th - 7th. Please share...
Blog Post
RESILIENCE: The Secret of CPTSD Recovery (First in a Series)
When we talk about a history childhood trauma, we talk a lot about the problems — the damage, the limitation on our lives, the sadness. But in reality, a lot of us are thriving despite abuse and neglect in the past. The word for this is resilient. Overcoming the effects of Childhood PTSD is not easy, and it’s not a road I’d choose for anyone. But if that’s the hand life dealt you, it is still possible for you to blossom into a life of depth and love and purpose. Resilience is often mentioned...
Blog Post
RESILIENCY: Innate or Nurtured
For me, resiliency is in part innate. I don't think we can teach resilience. Through love and connection we can most certainly nurture it. A key piece of resiliency is connection with others. I look back at all that I have endured in my life and wonder what made me keep getting back up. Why did I become more tenacious each time life and family knocked me down? For me, what kept me going was being out in the world connecting with people throughout the day. It made me feel part of something...
Blog Post
Resource List -- Books
Trigger Points by Joyelle Brandt and Dawn Daum *The first book written, edited, published by survivors of childhood abuse geared towards parents who are survivors. Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson No Drama Discipline by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With...
Blog Post
RESOURCE: Parent guide information
Please share the with the families you serve the attached a 2-page document for parents and caregivers about the parent guides that Yolo County Children's Alliance has produced as a project of the Yolo County Child Abuse Prevention Council (CAPC). All of the guides are available at www.yolokids.org/forfamilies . There are some hard copies of the following guides and we would love for them to get into the hands of parents. Please let me know if you would like some of these materials!
Blog Post
Resources 4 Resilience (www.r4r.support) & Commentary
We have the best community. And it feels like a community even more right now when things are scary, threatening, and uncertain. Yesterday, Jondi Whitis shared an amazing resource yesterday, by way of a comment, that's great for parents, survivors, providers, and families (all of us). I am making it a blog post in case others missed it or are overwhelmed, as I have been, by sifting through the information coming at us. The home page lets you easily find practices for calming. Here's one...
Blog Post
Review of Wrestling Ghosts (Documentary About Breaking the Cycle of Trauma) & Tickets
Cissy's Note: This post below with an offer for some free tickets to see Wrestling Ghosts was shared in the Parenting with ACE s community, thanks to @Charlotte Graham! However, I know many care about parents, parenting with ACEs who are on the main page so I'm sharing here as well with my review of this movie. I saw it last week and IT IS SO POWERFUL!!!! This documentary is so honest, raw, real, and powerful. It made me sad, hopeful, heartbroken, and encouraged all at the same...
Blog Post
Revising How We Love
This podcast wraps up the 3-part introduction to the 'Have you faced your love story' series, which I am so excited to produce. Let me know your thoughts. I very much look forward to hearing from you. Kindest regards, Aihi https://anchor.fm/haveyoufacedyourlovestory/episodes/Revising-How-We-Love-eafrh3
Blog Post
Rewiring Your Brain: Neurofeedback Goes Mainstream (Newsweek.org)
One of my favorite books Neurofeedback in the Treatment of Developmental Trauma. Few write about development trauma as beautifully as this author. Sebern Fisher describes how and developmental trauma has such deep and lasting impact on children and adults. And how neurofeedback helps. She's even tried it herself as well. I recommend her book just to better understand complex PTSD. But if you are interested in learning more about neurofeedback, in general, this article by Winston Ross is...
Blog Post
Rise Magazine as Important Source of Parent Engagement
I'm often asked how to improve parent engagement. I love this question. While I can and do share handouts , chat transcripts , and resources, and my own personal experiences, when relevant, I also recommend reading writing by parents speaking directly about parent experiences in specific systems. Rise Magazine is an example. This is their mission: Here are three stories published in Rise Magazine over the last few months. Diplomacy and Determination – When I had a conflict with my son’s...
Blog Post
Rise TIPS: For Parents in Crisis (www.risemagazine.org) & Commentary
Note: This handout was developed with, for and by parents in the child welfare system. However, it's got great content for all parents. For example, the article "Fight or Flight: Coping When Visits Stir Up Reminders of Trauma" is excellent. Lots of us parenting with ACEs have had the shameful experience of being triggered by our children. It can feel horrible. However, it's something we rarely admit, talk about or find addressed anywhere. Part of the problem is that much of the stuff written...
Blog Post
Robert Waldinger What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness (Ted.com)
While we know ACEs have a profound impact on our adult health, it's good to be reminded that some of our adult choices and relationships also have a profound impact. This Ted Talk by Robert Waldinger does a nice job of summarizing the research findings from about 75 years of studying 700 men. Men who got brain scans, blood work, were interviewed and filled out questionnaires. Men who had vastly different childhood experiences. Robert Waldinger said: Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two...
Blog Post
Rwanda's Plan to Reduce Poverty by Harnessing Father's Love [qz.com]
By Annabelle Timsit, Quartz Africa, October 8, 2019 Like many three-and-a-half year olds, Odille Igirimbabazi loves to sing and dance. On a recent morning in her home, wearing her favorite blue and yellow dress and clutching a doll that her dad, James, made for her, she sings religious songs and sways energetically as James watches, claps, and smiles, tapping his feet. When she finishes, he scoops her up into his arms to tell her how proud he is. “Bravo!” If this seems a common family scene,...
Blog Post
RYSE Center's Listening Campaign: Young people in Richmond, CA help adults understand trauma, violence, coping, and healing
"My experience with violence is very brutal...I grew up with violence as if it were my sibling." - LC participant (youth) "We know we can't run the city- it's too complex- but our experience and our voices should count, especially because we're the most effected ." - LC participant (youth) "Our city's problems are shared by us all; we are all part of the problem AND the solution. Listening is a key component to healing." - LC Share Out partici pant (adult) Three years ago, RYSE Center in...
Blog Post
Sandra Bullock Makes Emotional Plea to Ban the Phrase 'Adopted Children': Say "Our Children" (msn.com)
Sandra Bullocks knows the most important ingredient in a family is love, not DNA. The mother of two chatted about her advocacy in a cover story for InStyle 's June 2018 issue, out May 11, calling for a greater understanding and treatment of women's rights over their own bodies and an end to the phrase "my adopted child". To read more of Stephanie Petit's article, please click here.
Blog Post
Self-Care Is a Vital Part of the Healing Journey
Focusing on your health is important as you heal after trauma. I had learned a lot about trauma. I understood the impact but having been fortunate with a healthy body, the long term impact had not showed up in my biology except for very painful migraine headaches and depression. But the toxic level of stress I had lived with my whole life had not registered yet. Back then, my self-care mostly consisted of numbing the pain. It just hurt too much to think about it. I was in too much pain and...
Blog Post
Let's Twitter Chat about ACEs this Week with Ascend @ 3p.m. (E.T) on Weds.
O.k,, I admit I've never participated in a live Twitter event before. Ever. I won't be able to say that after this week. There's a chat about parenting issues important to lots of us though on Weds. at 3p.m. so I'm in. This is what's being talked about. "How do we make sure that all parents can provide for their families and improve their lives? What are the best ways to prepare our children for bright, confident, and prosperous futures?" Doesn't that sound like a conversation begging for...
Blog Post
Lifebooks & Some Tips for Social Workers & Parents (www.adoptionlifebooks.com)
Beth O'Malley is a social worker who was in foster care as a child. She worked, for decades, at the Department for Children and Families (formerly called DSS). She is also a mother. Her child was adopted as well. She has a wide range of personal and professional perspectives. It's from her I learned about the importance of Lifebooks which can be made with and for toddlers, grade schoolers, and even teens. They are practical because they may be the one place a child can have to store names...
Blog Post
Limbic Revision – Love Heals Your Traumatized Brain
Limbic revision is simply another name for revising and rewiring the faulty development of our brain, namely our limbic system. In simple terms in order to truly heal we need to experience deep and attuned loving care.
Blog Post
Living, loving, and parenting with mental illness (www.headspace.com)
While this article was more about marriage than about the ins and outs of parenting, it's still nice to see articles that openly acknowledge issues many individuals, couples and families deal with. About the only "expert" advice I'm open to is that by those with lived experience. So, I'll always be open to hearing what others have learned in their living with stuff journey. Here are some excepts from this article written by Maggie Ethridge. One year into our marriage, my husband was...
Blog Post
Love as Destiny: A Former Foster Youth's Journey in Motherhood [chronicleofsocialchange.org]
By Katarina Sayally, The Chronicle of Social Change, October 25, 2019 If you haven’t heard enough stories about what breaking the intergenerational cycle of foster care looks like, I want to share one. This is our story, and it’s a good one. When I found out I was pregnant, the only fear I had was, “What if my baby ends up in foster care?” As a former foster youth who works in the field, I am constantly reminded of this possibility. One study found that mothers in foster care were twice as...
Blog Post
Love in the time of Coronavirus: HOPE-informed thoughts for parents
This has been quite a week, and we are now facing major disruptions in our own family lives. There is no doubt that the events of this winter and spring will be memorable for children. In that spirit, here are a few ideas to help make those memories (at least somewhat) happy.
Blog Post
Loving a Trauma Survivor: Understanding Childhood Trauma’s Impact On Relationships (www.brickelandassociates.com)
Note: I saw this article by Robyn E. Brickel, MA, LMFT on my Facebook newsfeed today. Times have changed! How great to find resources more readily available. Many of us are not only trauma survivor parents but we are related to, in love with or partnering with adults who are as well. This is a helpful resource to help us better understand our/their sometimes fearful and withdrawing reactions. I'm also sharing that I got an email from someone at 2 a.m. last night who said that research...
Blog Post
How Magic Hugs & Author Donna Jackson Nakazawa Make ACEs Science Useful to Parents
Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a well-known writer and author. Her book, Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology is a go-to guide for lots of us and makes her a frequent guest on podcasts. Last week I heard Allison Morris interview her during her Healing Our Children World Summit . Morris, a self-described "trauma mama" and "single adoptive mother of a child with early developmental trauma, attachment issues, and some physical disabilities" who gathers information and...
Blog Post
Making the Good Stuff Louder: Trauma Dad, Bryon Hamel
Byron Hamel, (AKA Trauma Dad ), is a filmmaker , children's rights and men's wellness advocate. He's also a father with "ACEs through the roof," who survived child torture at the hands of a man now on death row for infanticide. Before the Father & ACEs chat started last week (see full chat transcript ), we discussed if and how to give a trigger warning. Hamel's experienced horrific trauma during childhood. He didn't want to traumatize those on the chat but wanted to be honest.
Blog Post
Mama Obama & Daddy Donald: Growing Myself Up (www.healwritenow.com) & Question
Dear Parents & Professionals: How are you all responding to Michelle Obama's powerful speech? How are you holding up hearing all the women talking about we have experienced? In general as well as in relation to Donald Trump and Bill Clinton? I've been so deeply rattled and disturbed. But not, at first. It took me hearing Michelle Obama's speech to get honest and clear and to allow tears and outrage. And also to do some serious self-reflection. I had my fourteen year old listen to...
Blog Post
Managing in The Midst of COVID-19 series with Janina Fisher, Stephen Levine, & Dr. Bruce Perry (www.traumatherapistproject.com)
For those who love the Trauma Therapist Podcast with Guy MacPherson, as much as I do, here are the three videos in his series on Managing in the Midst of COVID-19. Click each of their names to go to that video interview. Janina Fisher Peter Levine Dr. Bruce Perry
Blog Post
Managing Post-Traumatic Stress in a Pandemic: 3/19 Practices & Resources Update
Are you looking for new ways to get connected, supported, or to manage stress while managing post-traumatic stress during this pandemic? I am. No matter what our past or present life circumstances, it's safe to say a whole bunch of us are feeling more stressed and if we live with chronic post-traumatic stress to begin with, we might be feeling especially vulnerable right now. New Practices & Resources as of 3/19/2020 Bioenergetic stress relief - Shaking and Grounding "SHAKING: One of the...
Blog Post
Mediocre Mothering Made Better by Guided Imagery
My parenting was not ideal yesterday. I'd slept three hours and had a condo deal fall through days before closing. My house will still sell so I don't know where we'll be living in a few weeks. This is high stress. I was distracted, on the phone over 50 times with real estate people, the bank, attorneys, friends, town hall and rental places. Not fun. I cried a little but mostly felt an overwhelmed shutdown, the kind that comes with terrible thoughts. Like when the realtor says, "This has...
Blog Post
Meet Your Child’s Needs For Improved Behavior
Understanding WHY a child behaves as he/she does provides you with the answer as to what the child needs to willingly and capably improve his/her behavior. Communication is a behavior, and all forms of behavior are ways of communicating. The child who resists bedtime is communicating something, and the message goes beyond merely saying, “I don’t want to.” The same is true for the child who refuses to turn off the TV or turn away from the video game. The child who speaks to you...
Blog Post
Meet Your Child’s Needs For Improved Behavior
Understanding WHY a child behaves as he/she does provides you with the answer as to what the child needs to willingly and capably improve his/her behavior. Communication is a behavior, and all forms of behavior are ways of communicating. The child who resists bedtime is communicating something, and the message goes beyond merely saying, “I don’t want to.” The same is true for the child who refuses to turn off the TV or turn away from the video game. The child who speaks to you...
Blog Post
Mom Has a Kitchen Dance Party With 3-Yr-Old. Then She Hears “I Miss My Other Daddy.” (faithit.com)
Being a foster parent is not for the faint of heart. A cycle of taking in broken, wounded little hearts, often just for them to get broken and wounded again — all while remaining “unattached” for the sake of their assured departure from your care — is a nearly impossible job for most to fathom undertaking. And all that aside, how do you even begin to explain to a 3-year-old that they have a “new daddy” or “new mommy” in a way that doesn’t completely wreck their perception of what it means to...
Blog Post
Mom’s Reaction to Angry Son Shattering a Mirror Is the Parenting Lesson We ALL Need Today (faithit.com)
It took my breath away when my son stormed into the bathroom, frustrated, angry, fed-up for his very own, very significant to him, reasons. And when he chose to SLAM the bathroom door, causing the heavy mirror mounted to the front to slip out of the hardware holding it in place and crash onto the floor — a million, BROKEN pieces were left reflecting the afternoon light. I was quiet. I surveyed the damage and took a deep breath. Put the dog outside so he wouldn’t cut his feet, put the cat in...