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Put down the self-help books. Resilience is not a DIY endeavour (theglobeandmail.com)

 

Mindfulness, neuroplasticity, trauma-informed cognitive behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis, career coaching, Kripalu yoga – the list of “cures” for our lack of resilience and related problems is endless. If you are overweight, alone, miserable at work or crippled by stress or anxiety or depression, there are hordes of gurus and experts chasing you with books and quick fixes. With their advice, guidance, motivation or inspiration, you can fix your problems.

But make no mistake: They are always your problems. You alone are responsible for them. It follows that failing to fix your problems will always be your failure, your lack of will, motivation or strength.

We have been giving people the wrong message. Resilience is not a DIY endeavor. Self-help fails because the stresses that put our lives in jeopardy in the first place remain in the world around us even after we’ve taken the “cures.” The fact is that people who can find the resources they require for success in their environments are far more likely to succeed than individuals with positive thoughts and the latest power poses.

What kind of resources? The kind that gets you through the inevitable crises that life throws our way. 

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Cheryl Miranda posted:

Thanks, Laura, this is so true in my case. Now that my son is an adult and is supporting me, I am healing at a phenomenal rate. Love and support is the healing balm. But then if we had that in our childhoods, there wouldn't be any mental illness - at least not at the level, we have now.

Cheryl, I'm so happy to hear that your son is giving you the support you've needed for so long.

I also believe that childhood trauma is the cause of most if not all mental illness -- and that's ANOTHER idea that is getting a lot of press lately. It seems the tide is turning favorably. Let us brace ourselves for the inevitable backlash .

Thanks, Laura, this is so true in my case. Now that my son is an adult and is supporting me, I am healing at a phenomenal rate. Love and support is the healing balm. But then if we had that in our childhoods, there wouldn't be any mental illness - at least not at the level, we have now.

This notion that resilience requires community and social support beyond what we can do individually seems to be getting a lot more press lately. While it seems that ACEs are at the root of so many social and physical ills, it's often lack of social and community support for all people that is at the root of ACEs. Thanks for sharing this, Cheryl.

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