Tagged With "Working Moms"
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How Magic Hugs & Author Donna Jackson Nakazawa Make ACEs Science Useful to Parents
Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a well-known writer and author. Her book, Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology is a go-to guide for lots of us and makes her a frequent guest on podcasts. Last week I heard Allison Morris interview her during her Healing Our Children World Summit . Morris, a self-described "trauma mama" and "single adoptive mother of a child with early developmental trauma, attachment issues, and some physical disabilities" who gathers information and...
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Marin Community Clinics in California screen babies for ACEs, provide support in effort to prevent trauma
When Marin Community Clinics (MCC) first considered screening their patients for adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) they already had decided that if they were going to prevent children from acquiring ACEs, they had to take a radical approach.
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Maternal Mental Health - it's time for more than lip service
Last week, a Facebook post from a mom seeking mental health services from her OB/GYN went viral. She was educated and well informed enough to know that her symptoms were likely related to postpartum depression, but the ask for help only added to her struggle. 10 hours later, she left the ER with her infant and list of resources feeling worse. But instead of blaming the "system" that she sought help from, she has decided to embrace it by diving deeper into attempts to utilize it. Jessica...
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Mediocre Mothering Made Better by Guided Imagery
My parenting was not ideal yesterday. I'd slept three hours and had a condo deal fall through days before closing. My house will still sell so I don't know where we'll be living in a few weeks. This is high stress. I was distracted, on the phone over 50 times with real estate people, the bank, attorneys, friends, town hall and rental places. Not fun. I cried a little but mostly felt an overwhelmed shutdown, the kind that comes with terrible thoughts. Like when the realtor says, "This has...
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Menopause, Parenting & ACEs with Carey Sipp: Chat Event Online, August 8th
“I know this today: building the resilience that will afford us a Third Act does take a village. It takes our being checked into the collective energy of a group of people who are dedicated to truth, self-care, and healing.” Carey Sipp Carey Sipp is a health writer, parenting educator and trauma-informed communities advocate. She is the author of The TurnAround Mom: How an Abuse and Addiction Survivor Stopped the Toxic Cycle for Her Family and How You Can, Too! She is a frequent speaker on...
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Misty Copeland's Ballerina Doll, msmagazine.com
"Here comes the diversity" I think when I drop my Asian daughter off at dance some nights. She is often the only person of color in her class, school and sometimes even at large competitions. It was true when she studied Irish Step or went to a Feis and it's true now that she does ballet, tap, jazz and lyrical. When I look for dance ornaments or dance-related trinkets, they are almost always Caucasian and I don't buy them. Maybe that will change now that there is a Misty Copeland Barbie doll...
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Mom Has a Kitchen Dance Party With 3-Yr-Old. Then She Hears “I Miss My Other Daddy.” (faithit.com)
Being a foster parent is not for the faint of heart. A cycle of taking in broken, wounded little hearts, often just for them to get broken and wounded again — all while remaining “unattached” for the sake of their assured departure from your care — is a nearly impossible job for most to fathom undertaking. And all that aside, how do you even begin to explain to a 3-year-old that they have a “new daddy” or “new mommy” in a way that doesn’t completely wreck their perception of what it means to...
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Mom's Behavior Affects Bonding Hormone Oxytocin in Babies [psychcentral.com]
By Traci Pederson, PsychCentral, November 1, 2019 Research has shown that a new mom’s oxytocin levels can influence her behavior, and as a result, the bond she makes with her baby. Now a new epigenetic study suggests that a mom’s behavior can also have a substantial impact on her child’s developing oxytocin system. Oxytocin is a vital hormone involved in social interaction and bonding in humans. It strengthens trust and closeness in relationships and can be triggered by eye contact, empathy...
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Momming: One Day At A Time (www.cagedmoments.com)
This beautiful essay was written by the same Heidi Aylward written about earlier this summer on ACEsTooHigh . I had a conversation several months ago with an old friend. He was talking about how fantastic his mom is and how she has always been at his side through everything. Good or bad, his mom has loved and supported him through everything. I’m lucky enough to know her. She is as amazing as he says. She is compassionate and empathetic and loving and supportive, no matter what he did or...
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Mother's Day Can Be Hard: Chasing the Blues
The world has changed in many good ways. All over my newsfeed yesterday and today are posts about aching, loss, grief and divorcing from parents. Mother's Day, Father's Day and other holidays can be hard. At least that loss isn't experienced only in silence now. This year, I've seen many posts more complex than greeting cards. That wasn't always so. I'm not here to tell anyone about how Mother's Day should or might feel and if anger or forgiveness is good or bad, toxic or healthy or what...
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Mother's Day Musings
"Was in the Mother's Day card aisle tonight," my good friend texted me, "there's still a big opportunity in that aisle for us to make some money... that's all I'll say about that." Her mother is an addict she hasn't seen, except for court appearances, in years. She knows my father was a homeless alcoholic. She showed up with a bag of lollipops and a hug when I got confirmation that he was dead and had died more than a year prior. There was no card for that or for her version of Mother's Day.
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Mothering at the Edge
Life has been so sweet of late and that, for me, has been emotional. I feel a mixture of joy and disbelief. This time of mothering a teen as a parent with ACEs. I sit the edge of my bed sorting socks and memories. A middle-aged mother in so many kinds of transition. Some mornings, I hear her feet soft on carpeted stairs, see her long hair rolling down her back almost touching the hips. I remember when she did not have hips. The years I gathered her up each morning, carrying her down the...
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Mothers Who Leave Their Children (www.lithub.com) & Commentary
There are times I can't talk. It might be after I read something or hear something or watch the news. I'm rarely triggered by honesty, writing or memoir. I'm triggered by smells, nightfall and feeling trapped. Truth, even what is called "ugly truth," to me, when told, is always a window opening letting the air move. Sometimes, I don't realize I'm clenched in my body or my life and holding tight to a secret or memory or belief. It's when I read a piece like this and feel a nod of knowing, not...
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Mr. Rogers, Trauma-Informed Care, and the Limits of Information
Fred Rogers, in his 1969 testimony before the Senate subcommittee on communications in defense of public television, transforms a clearly skeptical Senator Pastore from, "Alright Rogers you've got the floor" to, "Looks like you just earned the 20 million dollars." How does he accomplish this transformation? One line from Senator Pastore gives us some insight. Several minutes into Mr. Rogers testimony he says, "This is the first time I've had goosebumps in the last two days," to which Rogers...
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My son was hospitalized and now he has PTSD
“Grant, do you remember when you were in the hospital?” “Yes… they came to take the blood and I turned into a werewolf.” Original Post It happened quickly. A year ago my three year old had a collarbone fracture, it became infected and within 24 hours the situation was emergent. A week long hospital stay, one month with a PICC line and two months on oral antibiotics. Finally, the labs finally came back normal. The X-Ray was clean. Gillette Children’s Hospital closed our case. But the healing...
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The Crappy Childhood Fairy on Amee Quiriconi's ONE BROKEN MOM Podcast
The other day I was the guest on Amee Quiriconi’s podcast ONE BROKEN MOM, which is focused on parenting, kids and the effects of trauma on how we manage it all. It was so fun talking with a fellow traveler, helping to get the word out about how we heal from Childhood PTSD. You can check out One Broken Mom here. You can take my online course, “ Healing Childhood PTSD” here .
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The implicit bias of, “Mental Illness” and “mentally ill”, a lexicon of hurt.
How can we heal from the implicit bias of “ Mental Illness ” and “ mentally ill ”? I hear these words and it sounds like fingernails scraping down the chalkboard. “ The stain of dehumanization colors the mind, body and spirit and it is not so easily washed away.” - Michael Skinner Recently I read a blog post at the ACEsConnection website, “Erasing My ACES” by Sirena Wheeler. It was posted on April, 19, 2020. It struck a chord with me, many in fact and it put me on a spiral down memory lane.
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The implicit bias of, “Mental Illness” and “mentally ill”, a lexicon of hurt.
How can we heal from the implicit bias of “ Mental Illness ” and “ mentally ill ”? I hear these words and it sounds like fingernails scraping down the chalkboard. “ The stain of dehumanization colors the mind, body and spirit and it is not so easily washed away.” - Michael Skinner Recently I read a blog post at the ACEsConnection website, “Erasing My ACES” by Sirena Wheeler. It was posted on April, 19, 2020. It struck a chord with me, many in fact and it put me on a spiral down memory lane.
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The Key To Good Enough Parenting - Repair The Rupture
Good enough parenting is about repairing relationship ruptures with your child. Reach out, discuss, reconnect - repair the rupture to avoid later problems
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The Last Person You’d Expect to Die in Childbirth [ProPublica.org]
A S A NEONATAL INTENSIVE CARE NURSE, Lauren Bloomstein had been taking care of other people’s babies for years. Finally, at 33, she was expecting one of her own. The prospect of becoming a mother made her giddy, her husband Larry recalled recently — “the happiest and most alive I’d ever seen her.” When Lauren was 13, her own mother had died of a massive heart attack. Lauren had lived with her older brother for a while, then with a neighbor in Hazlet, New Jersey, who was like a surrogate mom,...
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The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking-Related ACEs
I am the child of an alcoholic. My mom didn’t stop drinking until age 79. She died at 84. There was no warning, no lingering illness. She died two days after an unsuccessful emergency surgery. But we had five years during which she did not drink, after forty-five years during which she did. You see, my mom knew she had a drinking problem. So did we, the rest of her family. There were times when she fought mightily to stop or control it. There were times when the rest of us fought mightily to...
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The Relentless School Nurse: Parenting with High ACEs – Voices of Lived Expertise
Christine “Cissy” White is leading a movement to make sure that parents with high Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) scores have the resources and support they need to end the trend of generational trauma that so many have i nherited and unknowingly passed on to their children. The voice of the parent is first and foremost in Cissy’s plan of action. To reach this goal, Cissy had to first find her own voice, which she has done brilliantly through writing, speaking and leading workshops.
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The Relentless School Nurse: The Text Message No Parent Wants to Get - An Active Shooter is at School
Many blog readers know that my niece Carly is a survivor of the Parkland shootings at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. You may know that my father also survived a mass murder, and like Carly, hid in a closet until the police arrived. Almost 70 years separated the two tragedies. Our guest blogger this week is my sister Merri, Carly's mom. Merri shares her first-hand account of what happened the afternoon of February 14, 2018, when Carly sent this text, “Mom don’t freak out but we are on...
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The Rise of the Trauma-Informed Mothers
The next generation is less likely to wear predisposed shackles of trauma because as trauma-informed parents we are re-wiring the traumatically stressed DNA that was passed down to us.
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The Survivor-Led Trauma Summit Hosted by Svava Brooks
Survivor-led. Free. Online summit about trauma. Any of these things would get my attention but put them all together and I'm intrigued. Yesterday, I heard that Svava Brooks is hosting an online summit about trauma recovery with over 20 guests that she's interviewed and making the content available for free. I had to know more about her and the summit. A Little Bit About Svava Brooks Svava Brooks, mother of three children, has dedicated her life to ending the cycle of child sexual abuse...
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How to Connect with a Child After Trauma
Are you struggling to help a child who has been through hard times? Does the child seem unreachable, unmanageable, and unwilling to try? Are you at your at the end of your rope with explosive behavior? If so, I have a concept to share with you that might help the two of you connect and increase positive interactions within your family or classroom. I want to start by saying that it can be incredibly frustrating and anxiety-provoking to witness a child who is suffering emotionally without the...
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How to Help Kids Grieve When Adult Relationships End (kqed.org)
As a psychotherapist, I’m no stranger to grief—adult grief, that is. I know what it’s like to sit with adults who are reeling from the loss of a parent or child or partner or best friend. But I knew from my training that just as depression often looks different in children, so does loss. I didn’t have my therapist hat on when my son went through his grief—I was just his mom, muddling through it alongside him. But I did know to look out for certain signs that he might be suffering: being...
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I’m not cured, but I am healing
I wanted every individual suffering from chronic illnesses to understand the emerging science on not only how early adversity can lead to adult chronic illness, but how we can heal.
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‘I’m not the only one who has a mom in jail’: Camp reunites locked-up mothers with their kids (milwaukeenns.org)
Excerpts and video from an article by Allison Dikanovic in the Milwaukee Neighborhood News . For more of this article by Allison Dikanovic see the Milwaukee Neighborhood News
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Immigrant teens, parents explore ACEs, resilience in 5-week course with family doc
Dr. Angela Bymaster, a family doctor in San Jose, Calif., was determined to find a way to teach ACEs science to her patients. Teens would come to the Washington Neighborhood Clinic clearly depressed by a range of problems at home that were contributing to risky sexual behavior and marijuana use, as well as preventable health problems like extreme obesity.
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Inheriting and Inventing Fatherhood (onbeing.org)
The kind of father you become can be heavily influenced notions you don’t even know you have the day your child is born. For better or worse, it’s impossible to enter life as a parent unaffected by the framework and culture of your upbringing. It’s your starting point. I was exposed as a young boy to many different models of fatherhood from various sources on TV, at the movies, in my family, and around the neighborhood: the quiet, aloof dad who comes home from work and is left alone to sit...
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Is ACEs Advocacy Worth Risking Professional Backlash?
"Don't you worry an employer will see the personal stuff you have shared online?" ****** When I began writing publicly about my life and experiences with depression, and as a parenting with an ACE score of 9, my career in the mental health field was already on hold. At the time, I was a stay at home mom who needed an outlet. Now being back in the field, I sometimes get asked the question above. Truth is, yes, I do worry. But not for the reasons you may think. It has more to do with my feet,...
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Is it a Parenting with ACEs Thing or Just a Parent Thing? Why Is It So Hard to Just Stop?
I have a friend going through a rough patch. She was physically sick with a back to back virus which is no fun for anyone but brutal for a single mother with young children. She got herself and the kids bundled up and out for a full fall day on Saturday and Sunday left her utterly depleted and unable to do much of anything. So she was now not only sick and exhausted but deflated and feeling guilty for not being a better mom, for her kids having a boring day, for not being more fun or active.
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Juggling Act: Boston Mom Champions Community and Self-Care
Marisa Luse was accustomed to juggling multiple roles: as the mother of a three-year-old son, a parent ambassador for the Boston Children’s Museum and a board member for the Boston Association for Childbirth Education. She was used to helping youth and families access and achieve their goals: a healthy family, a school-ready child.
But when leaders of a Community Organizing for Family Issues (COFI) training asked Luse to name priorities for her own growth, she came up blank.
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Just Like My Mother: How We Inherit Our Parents’ Traits and Tragedies [kqed.org]
Sometimes, just when you’re about to leave, you see the past in a new way. For My-Linh Le, she was about to fly to Europe when she thought of her mom. Le is 30, about the same age her mom was when she got on a boat to leave Vietnam. “There was no food and no water and people were dying left and right,” Le remembers her mom telling her. “And every time somebody died, they were just thrown overboard.” Le wasn’t born yet. Her mom was divorced and had two young daughters at the time, but only...
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When the Cross is On the Table
Susan Traylor says “When they see the cross on the table, they know someone has died.” The ‘they’ she is talking about are the many folks experiencing homelessness in our small community of Tarpon Springs, Florida. A few weeks ago, the cross was on the table for Terry. I knew him by sight but never knew his name. I observed him over the past few years quite often in a state that makes most people not only uncomfortable, but anxious and fearful as he argued with someone only he could see. He...
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When the Political Becomes Personal (www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org)
Excerpt from essay published on the Attachment & Trauma Network blog and written by @Julie Beem The read the rest of Julie Beem's blog post, go here .
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When Your Child Is Your PTSD Trigger
One-third of children experience childhood abuse, and yet the question is never asked: what happens when those children grow up and have families of their own?
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When Your Kid is Too Good for Brené Brown
Childhood, like literature, lasts." Lance Woolaver, paraphrased from his book, Maud Lewis: The Heart at the Door. Even in the midst of conflict, I have known moments of maternal bliss. I had one just recently when my daughter and I hit a snag. It wasn't one of the ugly, awful or prolonged kinds. That's not due to me though. That's mostly because my kid has a practical, logical and rational nature which does not clash with my more emotional, reactive and fearful one. We are alike enough to...
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Why Divorce is an ACE: Fik-Shun / World of Dance Video
"You know. I feel like people are blessed to have both parents in their life. Um... I wasn't. My parents have always been separated and you know, as a kid, to have your mom 1000 miles away and your Dad 1000 miles away. Apart.... So you know, no matter how far apart they are, I always just tried to be the one in the middle bringing them together. You know, it's just tough for a kid." Fik-Shun I like dance videos the way some like cat videos. Here's one of my all-time favorites. It is the of a...
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Why I Put my Drug-Affected Daughter Back on Drugs (www.brainchildmag.com)
Note: This essay is written by Melissa Hart. She is a parent with ACEs parenting a child with ACEs. I look around at the life we’ve created for her—the bedroom full of books and dress-up clothes and musical instruments, the photos on the wall of our family vacations to tropical beaches and wildflower mountains and national parks. I fight an urge to shake her little shoulders and stare into her big brown hostile eyes and yell, “Why can’t you just be happy?” But I don’t . . . because I know...
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Will Election 2020 Be the Working Moms' Moment? [hechingerreport.org]
By Lillian Mongeau, The Hechinger Report, February 29, 2020 Ameykay Stocks, a mail carrier and mother of five, has sent all of her children, now ages 5 to 16, to her local public schools here from the year they turned 3. Few families in America have such an option. Nationally, only 68 percent of 4-year-olds and 40 percent of 3-year-olds were enrolled in preschool in 2017, according to the National Center for Education Statistics.* Most, but not all, preschool programs receive some public...
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Women Surround Crying Mom Whose Toddler Was Having A Meltdown At The Airport (sunnyskyz.com)
This wonderful story was posted on Facebook by Beth Bornstein Dunnington who took part in an unforgettable moment at the Los Angeles International Airport. "Something extraordinary at LAX today... (writing this on the plane). I was at the gate, waiting to get on my plane to Portland. Flights to two different cities were boarding on either side of the Portland fight. A toddler who looked to be eighteen or so months old was having a total meltdown, running between the seats, kicking and...
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Working from Home? Ten Tips to Look Professional on Zoom
Hi ACEs Community, normally I post about healing from childhood trauma but THIS is a short video I made at home to help those of you who are working from home and using Zoom in new and bigger ways, or for the first time. Enjoy! Since COVID-19 changed our lives, I've been consulting to institutional and corporate clients re: new uses of Zoom for teams, meetings, marketing and leadership. If you'd like some help with that you can reach me at anna@crappychildhoodfairy.com
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No, My Baby Doesn’t Sleep Through The Night (www.huffingtonpost.com)
Great article by Kimberly Poovey And when the answer is a huge resounding NO, (as it most certainly is about 90 percent of the time in the early days/weeks/months), the asker will often give a deeply pitying look and respond with the fact that their child slept 15 consecutive hours a night from day three of life because they did Baby Wise/CIO/Ferberizing/witchcraft/etc. How is the shell-shocked new parent supposed to respond to this exactly? Because there is literally nothing less helpful in...
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Opioid-Dependent Newborns Get New Treatment: Mom Instead of Morphine [CHCF]
Aug 1, 2019, Dana G. Smith, for CHCF When babies are born dependent on opioids, typically they are whisked away from their mothers, put into the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), dosed with morphine to get them through withdrawal, and gradually weaned off the drug—a process that can take weeks. Research now suggests that this long-established standard of care may be the worst way to care for a newborn with opioid dependency, or neonatal abstinence syndrome (NAS). The NICU is busy, noisy,...
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Our Most Vulnerable Population - Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Before the pandemic, grandparents raising grandchildren were already in a precarious situation. They were struggling to meet the needs of children exposed to maltreatment and trauma while also supporting the family financially. But now, we fear, things have made a critical turn for the worse while those grandparents become unemployed, sick, or in the worst-case scenario, die due to Corona Virus.
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Parentification: Growing Up Too Soon
“ We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end. How to take the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth and beauty - that is the test of living.” Joseph Fort Newton This week in the childhood trauma education series, I will tackle parentification . I discovered so much while researching this topic that explains a lot for me. Have you heard...
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Parentification: Growing Up Too Soon
“ We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end. How to take the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth and beauty - that is the test of living.” Joseph Fort Newton This week in the childhood trauma education series, I will tackle parentification . I discovered so much while researching this topic that explains a lot for me. Have you heard...
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Parenting as a Survivor Keynote to Follow Free Resilience Screening
I share my story of having an ACE score of 9 and how that has effected me as a mother, because I can make sense of it now. I want other parenting survivors, and those that provide education and support services to them to be able to do the same.