Tagged With "Working mothers"
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Training a Brain Afraid from Too Many ACEs: Demystifying Neurofeedback
Please share any stories, insights, experiences or opinions you have about neurofeedback. Have you tried it? Do you know anyone who has? Have you tried to get it covered by insurance for yourself or a child? Many of us are curious about this for treating our own symptoms or for better supporting our kids but it sounds serious, complicated and expensive. What's your experience been? What have you heard or felt or tried? What do you think? Sebern Fisher believes a “well-regulated brain” is a...
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Trauma-Informed Parenting: What Adoptive & Foster Parents Can Teach, Part 2
I wonder how we can better support all parents so they (we) get enough support to be the reliable rocks our children require? And where can we get assistance when that's not possible?
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Trauma tried to kick down the door. Compassion is helping me heal.
The artwork is an original piece titled "Someone at the Door" by Chicago artist Ken Shaw. I bought it about 35 years ago. (The first part of this piece was written in-the-moment, as an email to a friend following what, for me, was a traumatic experience. The second part of this piece was written about 10 days later, as part of a healing reflection. It occurs to me that this experience, and the reflections, might help someone else experiencing trauma and/or seeking compassion for self or...
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Troubled moms and dads learn how to parent with ACEs
A father in county jail is ordered to take a parenting class, but isn’t too enthusiastic about it. As part of the class, he learns about the ACE Study, and does his own ACE score. “Oh my god!” he announces to the class. “I have 7 ACEs.” His mother’s an alcoholic. His dad’s been in and out of jail. He himself started dealing drugs at age 11, and doing drugs at 14. “I’ve got two kids at home experiencing the same things I did,” he says. The light bulb goes on. A few days after a woman who’s...
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Want to get certified in Echo's new trauma-informed nonviolent parenting curriculum?
Want to get certified in Echo's new trauma-informed nonviolent parenting curriculum? For the last 18 years, Echo has been providing sliding-scale parenting classes in Los Angeles. The 10-class series includes the latest science on the brain and childhood trauma and gives parents many tools for creating the kind of safe, stable nurturing relationship we all want with our children and underpins healthy development. Classes are available in English and Spanish. This fall, Echo will be offering...
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We need to start spoiling our black children (www.washingtonpost.com)
Note: I love this article by A.Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez as it speaks to race and parenting and addresses how racism makes parenting harder. How does one prepare and protect a child from a world where there is injustice? We talk a lot about adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and that's crucial. Kids deserve to be safe at home. But the world isn't safe for all children even when children are without adverse childhood experiences the way we talk about them most, That's why we need to talk...
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What Exactly is a Toddler Tantrum?
Several years ago NPR had a story about temper tantrums, describing a study showing that the sounds children make during a tantrum indicate that they are primarily sad rather than angry. The written version of the story opens with description of tantrums as " the cause of profound helplessness among parents." I thought this was an interesting choice of words, as I have always thought of tantrums as representing a sense of helplessness in children. In fact, in my over 20 years of practicing...
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What If Everything You Knew About Disciplining Kids Was Wrong? (www.motherjones.com)
We're learning so much all of the time and it's exciting to hear about how trauma informed some schools are becoming. My dream is that all parents can become trauma-informed as well, for the sake of our children and for making changes for future generations but also for our healing and recovery as well. It's all related. Most of this article is geared towards school systems but it's relevant to anyone who loves and cares about children. It was first published last summer. It's still...
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What If I've Given My Children Bipolar Disorder? (www.ravishly.com) & Commentary
We just had a chat about talking about hard topics with kids earlier this month. This article is about that. It's beautifully written and honest. I admire memoir writers who break silence about parenting with mental illness and/or emotional pain. Lots of people struggle but few write, speak or share about doing so. As a result a whole lot of people feel alone and might suffer more shame and pain even when help is available. Articles like these can help. Stories can challenge or refine our...
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What is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)?
Most people have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder that afflicts many men and women returning from a war zone. It is characterized by flashbacks, unstable moods, and survivor’s remorse. However, many have never heard of a condition that often develops in childhood and changes the course of the child’s life forever, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). For a good definition of CPTSD, we turned to Beauty After Bruises, an organization that offers outreach focused on adult...
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What Kids Wish Their Teachers Knew (www.nytimes.com)
A brilliant idea by Kyle Schwartz , a grade school teacher, was used in class. She started a sentence students could finish. It was "I wish my teacher knew...." It became a Twitter campaign #iwishmyteacherknew and a book by the same name. I'm so glad. The experiences of children, in their own words, are being shared and it's powerful. Here's a snippet below from the New York Times article . The teacher's quote is important as is what the child wrote. As a writer and a mother and an advocate,...
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What Mothers Need to Succeed (www.usanews.com)
Article by Susannah Wellford. I'm sitting on the couch next to my son James. It's Mother's Day, late afternoon, and we are watching a dumb movie on TV procrastinating making dinner and doing homework. It is the happiest I have been all day – hanging out with my son, doing nothing. A lot of my favorite parenting moments are like this. I find a tremendous amount of joy just being with my children, not doing anything special. I appreciate this together time all the more because I know how...
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What's Lost When Black Children Are Socialized Into a White World [theatlantic.com]
By Dani McClain, The Atlantic, November 21, 2019 Jessica Black is a Pittsburg, California, mother of two black teenagers, both of whom have been disciplined multiple times at their middle and high schools. Her daughter has been suspended more than once, and teachers often deem her son’s behavior out of line, reprimanding him for not taking off his hoodie in class and for raising his voice. In observing her own family and others, Black has noticed a pattern: Behaviors that many black parents...
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What to Do When You Lose Your Cool at Your Daughter (www.motheringanddaughtering.com)
The mother mentor in my life told me about this mother-daughter duo a few years ago. I checked out Sil and Eliza Roberts but their written words didn't resonate with me at the time. They seemed too wealthy or healthy or happy or capable. I just couldn't relate to them. I couldn't imagine mothers and daughters speaking this way, at all, never mind with one another.Plus, they weren't talking about trauma, loss or adversity or the struggles of people with addiction, disease or ACEs in the past...
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When a Mother Loves an Alcoholic - Parenting With ACEs
I was such a mother. I was also the daughter of an alcoholic. My mom died earlier this year. When a mother loves an alcoholic or is raised by an alcoholic, she is changed in profound ways - ways she has no idea are even present, yet ways that make her a confounding figure in her children's lives. At the root of these "ways" is her adverse childhood experiences. As I shared recently in my post, The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking ACEs , "[My] Mom and I talked about my realization that...
Ask the Community
School Council, School Improvement Plans, ACEs, Diversity & Help?
Dear Parenting with ACEs Community: I'm wondering if anyone has worked ACEs-related language into a School Council School Improvement Plan? I'm on the School Council for a charter school and we're looking at improving parent engagement., in general, and as part of that I'm trying to introduce two topics: 1) ACEs and 2)Race, Class & Parent Involvement We have kids from 30 different communities and 1/3 of the students are Haitian. The other 2/3 are mostly but not entirely Caucasian.
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Shared Grief: If my daughter could know me it would help her understand her own suffering (www.risemangazine.org)
Rise Magazine is one of the few places I know of that gives voice to the experiences of parents who have children involved with child welfare. About Rise: Every year almost 300,000 children enter foster care nationwide. Media coverage of foster care focuses on tragic child deaths, the need for foster and adoptive parents, and the experiences of young people who age out of foster care at 18 or 21. Less understood is that more than half of children in foster care return home to their parents...
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Sherman Alexie’s incredible openness in two articles & audios (www.KUOW.org) & Commentary
"It all blends together. It's the way in which cruelty can be everyday ordinary to spectacular - but that it's a constant possibility. So that her unpredictable nature, her amazing beauty, and magic combined with her ability to be so mean." Sherman Alexie These articles , Facebook posts and audio clips and interviews with Sherman Alexie are so moving, beautiful and painful. It's like poetry, song, prayer or listening to birds in the trees. I may not get every message being shared but can...
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Show & Tell
Show don't tell is the first bit of advice almost every writer gets. Don't give facts if words can form an image. Don't say a song was fast-paced if words can tap quickly, instead, across the page. It's good advice but when it comes to ACEs we need both. We need to tell and show and tell again. There's resistance to telling. We need facts and data and proof. And we need stories. Both. Over and over and over. So the facts come with faces. So the data is as pressing as a poem. I can write...
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Simple Solutions to Real Barriers
My name is Rebekah Couch and I am a former teen mother of five children, the youngest child being my only clean and sober pregnancy allowed to remain in my care. I am a survivor of multiple sexual assaults and was afflicted with untreated mental health issues as an adolescent. My destructive journey began with self-medicating and illegal activities in junior high and a daily cocaine addiction by the age of 15 that eventually advanced to methamphetamine abuse. My addiction and criminal...
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Single Mother Seeks to Give Daughter the Peace That Eluded Her [NYTimes.com]
Above the simple gray churches along a dimly lit section of Detroit, the brooding eyes of Lil Wayne, who was covered in chains and holding a bottle of Hennessy, peered from a billboard in the rough neighborhood where India Wayman grew up. Her childhood had been fraught with traumatic experiences. Her father was violent and inconsistent, Ms. Wayman said, and she was bullied at school. A social worker visited her home when she was 12. “Take her, we don’t need her here anymore,” Ms. Wayman, now...
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Spokane, WA, public health nurses create trauma-sensitive toolkit for parents/caregivers
Public health nurses at Spokane Regional Health District (SRHD) developed a 178-page toolkit -- 1*2*3 Care -- for caregivers of children. They define caregivers as parents, g randparents, child care providers, teachers, and others who care...
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Suffering in Silence Mood Disorders Among Pregnant and Postpartum Women of Color
Pregnancy and childbirth can bring joy and fulfillment to a woman's life. They can also bring anxiety, depression, and stress. If left untreated, postpartum depression and other mood disorders can grow severe and even fatal for both the mother and her child. The American Psychological Association estimates that 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression, yet the true statistic is unknown, as most women do not recognize the symptoms associated with the condition. 1 According to the World...
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Taming the Dragons: Helping Children Cope: Ages Birth to Twelve Years
Taming the Dragons is a training manual for parents, foster parents, and kinship caregivers. It was developed out of a crisis nursery in WA state by Sue Delucchi. English and Spanish versions attached here for free downloads.
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The Beautiful Darkness: A Handbook for Orphans
I became a professional reader long before I was a writer when I was living in homeless shelters, subsidized housing, and welfare hotels with my mother in New York City. Most of the middle class and affluent black folks I would come to know in the future would wince and give me a look I couldn’t read when I would tell the story that I outline in my new memoir, The Beautiful Darkness: A Handbook for Orphans . All some intolerant, ignorant bigots need is to continue to hear about the...
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Recognizing and Attending to Intergenerational Trauma
A mother brings her 8-year-old son to the pediatrician after his teacher repeatedly asks her to have him evaluated for ADHD. The trauma-informed pediatrician knows that childhood trauma exposure can resemble hyperactivity associated with ADHD. The pediatrician asks the mother to privately complete an adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) questionnaire and asks to do one with the son as well. The questionnaire reveals that the son had witnessed his mom being physically abused by her last two...
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Registration Open - 2019 Families and Fathers Conference Early Rate and Hotel Discount Closing Please Share
In forty-eight days, we open our 20th convening of a powerful conference focused on strengthening families, improving outcomes for children, and strategies to engage families. The 20th Annual Families and Fathers Conference hosted by Fathers and Families Coalition of America Sponsorships allow the extended early rate for an exceptional experience in Los Angeles, California from March 4th (pre-conference institute credential) through the main conference dates of March 5th - 7th. Please share...
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Report Features Newly-Released Data to Support Positive Child and Family Well-Being
A new report produced in partnership with Casey Family Programs illuminates the importance of HOPE—Health Outcomes of Positive Experiences, a framework that studies and promotes positive child and family well-being. Balancing Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) with HOPE presents newly-released, compelling data that reinforces the need and opportunity to support families and communities in the cultivation of relationships and environments that promote healthy childhood development. It also...
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[Repost] Trauma-informed Care: It Takes More Than a Clipboard and a Questionnaire
California is about to launch an ambitious campaign to train tens of thousands of Medi-Cal providers to screen children and adults up to age 65 for trauma, starting on January 1, 2020. It is well-established that the early identification of trauma and providing the appropriate treatment are critical tools for reducing long-term health care costs for both children and adults. Research has shown that individuals who experienced a high number of traumatic childhood events are likely to die...
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Research roundup: ACEs among incarcerated women; testing technology to help reduce substance use; prenatal support as an intervention to prevent ACEs
photo by Rhoda Baer/Wikimedia Common Life as she knows it: The effects of adverse childhood experiences on intimate partner violence among women prisoners [Child Abuse & Neglect] "Most incarcerated women suffer from adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), such as abuse (e.g., physical, sexual, emotional), neglect, (e.g., physical, emotional), and chaotic home environments (e.g., witnessing domestic violence), and adult intimate partner violence (IPV). Yet the majority of research on the...
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Rethinking 'Resilience' and Grit: www.economichardship.org
This article was written by Alissa Quart and co-published by the Economic hardship Project and the Boston Globe . To read the rest of this essay by Alissa Quart, go here.
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Review of Wrestling Ghosts (Documentary About Breaking the Cycle of Trauma) & Tickets
Cissy's Note: This post below with an offer for some free tickets to see Wrestling Ghosts was shared in the Parenting with ACE s community, thanks to @Charlotte Graham! However, I know many care about parents, parenting with ACEs who are on the main page so I'm sharing here as well with my review of this movie. I saw it last week and IT IS SO POWERFUL!!!! This documentary is so honest, raw, real, and powerful. It made me sad, hopeful, heartbroken, and encouraged all at the same...
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Rise TIPS: For Parents in Crisis (www.risemagazine.org) & Commentary
Note: This handout was developed with, for and by parents in the child welfare system. However, it's got great content for all parents. For example, the article "Fight or Flight: Coping When Visits Stir Up Reminders of Trauma" is excellent. Lots of us parenting with ACEs have had the shameful experience of being triggered by our children. It can feel horrible. However, it's something we rarely admit, talk about or find addressed anywhere. Part of the problem is that much of the stuff written...
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Sandra Bullock Makes Emotional Plea to Ban the Phrase 'Adopted Children': Say "Our Children" (msn.com)
Sandra Bullocks knows the most important ingredient in a family is love, not DNA. The mother of two chatted about her advocacy in a cover story for InStyle 's June 2018 issue, out May 11, calling for a greater understanding and treatment of women's rights over their own bodies and an end to the phrase "my adopted child". To read more of Stephanie Petit's article, please click here.
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Secrets Of Breast-Feeding From Global Moms In The Know (www.npr.org)
"Many of the women that I talked to actually struggled a lot with learning how to breast-feed," she says. Two-thirds of the women said they had some problems at the beginning, such as pain, fear, troubles getting the baby to latch and concerns about the milk supply — just like American moms. And their problems went behind breast-feeding. "Most women talked about having little knowledge about early infant care, such as how to hold babies or how to be sure they're sleeping safely," Scelza...
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Sex Trafficking Prevention: A Trauma-Informed Approach for Parents and Professionals (Book Resource)
Just a quick post to share this book resource I heard about this morning from Beth Grady . The author is Savannah J. Sanders and here's a bit more about her and this book, from Amazon (where I've just ordered my own copy): Drawing from her own experience being trafficked plus her insights gained from years of advocacy and anti-trafficking work, the author speaks directly not only of the realities of trafficking that occur in our own communities but also the solutions that we can all be a...
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Shaming Children So Parents Will Pay the School Lunch Bill [NYTimes.com] & Note
(Cissy's Note: This story is painful to read. Kids at school who are shamed or denied lunch are not going to perform or focus better at school. They will feel shame after lunch and probably worry before as lunch time approaches. And after school have some conflict with parents. It's shame spreading and multiplying but that won't pay the bills. Reading this story gave me the creepy crawly feeling of shame remembering not having money or worrying that I didn't have enough. It made me glad...
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Lifebooks & Some Tips for Social Workers & Parents (www.adoptionlifebooks.com)
Beth O'Malley is a social worker who was in foster care as a child. She worked, for decades, at the Department for Children and Families (formerly called DSS). She is also a mother. Her child was adopted as well. She has a wide range of personal and professional perspectives. It's from her I learned about the importance of Lifebooks which can be made with and for toddlers, grade schoolers, and even teens. They are practical because they may be the one place a child can have to store names...
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Live in a Poor Neighborhood? Better Be a Perfect Parent (www.nytimes.com)
Note: An article by Emma S. Ketteringham that shows how the system traumatizes and re-traumatizes many children and their parents. My hope is that as we talk about trauma-informed, trauma-aware, self-healing and resilient communities we talk less about how people can do better, try harder and more about we can all be a safer, kinder and treat symptoms of adverse childhood experiences and adverse community experiences and focus on treating the causes of both instead. When I met Eline, she...
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How Magic Hugs & Author Donna Jackson Nakazawa Make ACEs Science Useful to Parents
Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a well-known writer and author. Her book, Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology is a go-to guide for lots of us and makes her a frequent guest on podcasts. Last week I heard Allison Morris interview her during her Healing Our Children World Summit . Morris, a self-described "trauma mama" and "single adoptive mother of a child with early developmental trauma, attachment issues, and some physical disabilities" who gathers information and...
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Maternal Health Visionary Spotlight: Dr. Joia Crear-Perry [MHTF]
MHTF July 19, 2019 Dr. Joia Crear-Perry, National Birth Equity Collaborative founder and president, calls on us to value every woman to achieve maternal health equity. At the 10 th anniversary celebration of the Maternal Health Task Force, The Global Maternal Health Symposium, 10 Maternal Health Visionary awards were presented. The recipients were honored for the impact, innovation, inspiration, leadership, and future vision they have provided to the field of Maternal Health. This blog...
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Mediocre Mothering Made Better by Guided Imagery
My parenting was not ideal yesterday. I'd slept three hours and had a condo deal fall through days before closing. My house will still sell so I don't know where we'll be living in a few weeks. This is high stress. I was distracted, on the phone over 50 times with real estate people, the bank, attorneys, friends, town hall and rental places. Not fun. I cried a little but mostly felt an overwhelmed shutdown, the kind that comes with terrible thoughts. Like when the realtor says, "This has...
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Mentored Boys or Monster Boys: The Two Choices for Our Future
I wrote recently about my preparations to take my 15 year-old grandson, Deon, for a four day, young men’s rites of passage, retreat. It was truly an adventure of a life-time for both of us and want to share a bit about the experience with you (that’s me in the second row on the right with Deon beside me). I’ve long believed that mentoring is critical to the well-being of our children and grandchildren, particularly the young men. It’s also critical to the well-being of our communities. Many...
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Momming: One Day At A Time (www.cagedmoments.com)
This beautiful essay was written by the same Heidi Aylward written about earlier this summer on ACEsTooHigh . I had a conversation several months ago with an old friend. He was talking about how fantastic his mom is and how she has always been at his side through everything. Good or bad, his mom has loved and supported him through everything. I’m lucky enough to know her. She is as amazing as he says. She is compassionate and empathetic and loving and supportive, no matter what he did or...
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Mommy Mentors Help Fight The Stigma Of Postpartum Mood Disorder (npr.org)
Becoming a mother is often portrayed as a magical and glorious life event. But many women don't feel joyful after giving birth. In fact, according to the American Psychological Association , almost 15 percent of moms suffer from a postpartum mood disorder like anxiety or depression, making maternal mental health concerns the most common complication of childbirth in the U.S. And even though these mental illnesses affect millions of women each year, new research shows 20 percent of mothers...
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Mother's Day: Belonging to Each Other (dailygood.org)
Mother’s Day offers us opportunities to express our love and thanks to the women who have cared for us in our lives — the birth or adoptive mother, the grandmother, the teacher, or the elder friend who have helped grow us up. But it’s not all Hallmark cards and breakfasts-in-bed. This particular holiday can stir up feelings of grief and pain for some of us. We suffer for the mother we have lost or a mother we felt we never really had. And yet, perhaps we might be able to simultaneously hold...
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Mother's Day Can Be Hard: Chasing the Blues
The world has changed in many good ways. All over my newsfeed yesterday and today are posts about aching, loss, grief and divorcing from parents. Mother's Day, Father's Day and other holidays can be hard. At least that loss isn't experienced only in silence now. This year, I've seen many posts more complex than greeting cards. That wasn't always so. I'm not here to tell anyone about how Mother's Day should or might feel and if anger or forgiveness is good or bad, toxic or healthy or what...
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Mother's Day Musings
"Was in the Mother's Day card aisle tonight," my good friend texted me, "there's still a big opportunity in that aisle for us to make some money... that's all I'll say about that." Her mother is an addict she hasn't seen, except for court appearances, in years. She knows my father was a homeless alcoholic. She showed up with a bag of lollipops and a hug when I got confirmation that he was dead and had died more than a year prior. There was no card for that or for her version of Mother's Day.
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Mothering at the Edge
Life has been so sweet of late and that, for me, has been emotional. I feel a mixture of joy and disbelief. This time of mothering a teen as a parent with ACEs. I sit the edge of my bed sorting socks and memories. A middle-aged mother in so many kinds of transition. Some mornings, I hear her feet soft on carpeted stairs, see her long hair rolling down her back almost touching the hips. I remember when she did not have hips. The years I gathered her up each morning, carrying her down the...