Tagged With "manage fear"
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The "F" Words: Fear & Forgiveness
“If your parent is the bear in the living room, it is biologically impossible to run to that parent when they are either over or under reacting. If your parent is scary you can’t run to them. And you also can’t run away from them because you are a child, you can’t function in the world on your own. You can’t make it out there." Donna Jackson Nakazawa We can get so lost in theory, data and facts that our language about trauma, abuse and adverse childhood experiences can become clinical and...
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The Global Coronavirus Crisis [catalog.peis.com]
Yesterday [4/2/20], Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, leading trauma expert and author of the #1 New York Times bestselling book The Body Keeps the Score, presented a FREE live streaming webcast discussing how we can nurture our mental health during the COVID-19 pandemic. Unfortunately, so many clinicians signed up that we maxed out the space in our virtual classroom. If you missed this – we’re sorry! And if you couldn’t join us – don’t worry! We’re making his free streaming webcast available to you...
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The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking-Related ACEs
I am the child of an alcoholic. My mom didn’t stop drinking until age 79. She died at 84. There was no warning, no lingering illness. She died two days after an unsuccessful emergency surgery. But we had five years during which she did not drink, after forty-five years during which she did. You see, my mom knew she had a drinking problem. So did we, the rest of her family. There were times when she fought mightily to stop or control it. There were times when the rest of us fought mightily to...
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The Relentless School Nurse: Full Disclosure: I am Fearful to Welcome Another September
School is about to begin and for the first time in my 18 years as a school nurse, I am fearful to welcome another September. I work in an urban district where community gun violence is sadly commonplace, but that is not my fear. I travel throughout the city from school to school where drug dealing is an open-air exercise, but that is not my fear. Emergencies are often solitary experiences because school nurses work independently, but that is not my fear. Families facing deportation from...
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The Relentless School Nurse: The Text Message No Parent Wants to Get - An Active Shooter is at School
Many blog readers know that my niece Carly is a survivor of the Parkland shootings at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. You may know that my father also survived a mass murder, and like Carly, hid in a closet until the police arrived. Almost 70 years separated the two tragedies. Our guest blogger this week is my sister Merri, Carly's mom. Merri shares her first-hand account of what happened the afternoon of February 14, 2018, when Carly sent this text, “Mom don’t freak out but we are on...
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The Rise of the Trauma-Informed Mothers
The next generation is less likely to wear predisposed shackles of trauma because as trauma-informed parents we are re-wiring the traumatically stressed DNA that was passed down to us.
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020
Healing the Heart Through the Creative Arts, Education & Advocacy Hope, Healing & Help for Trauma, Abuse & Mental Health “ Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars”. Kahlil Gibran The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020 http://www.survivingspirit.com/ http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-04-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_April_2020.pdf Hi Folks, Obviously we are all experiencing some very trying times and...
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020
Healing the Heart Through the Creative Arts, Education & Advocacy Hope, Healing & Help for Trauma, Abuse & Mental Health “ Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars”. Kahlil Gibran The Surviving Spirit Newsletter April 2020 http://www.survivingspirit.com/ http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-04-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_April_2020.pdf Hi Folks, Obviously we are all experiencing some very trying times and...
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter May 2020
Hi Folks, The May edition of the Surviving Spirit Newsletter is posted at the website - http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/index.php or PDF - http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-05-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_May_2020.pdf To sign up for an e-mail copy, please write to me @ mikeskinner@comcast.net or sign up @ Website via Contact Us, Thanks! Michael . “ Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” - Helen Keller The Surviving Spirit Newsletter May 2020 – please...
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How to Connect with a Child After Trauma
Are you struggling to help a child who has been through hard times? Does the child seem unreachable, unmanageable, and unwilling to try? Are you at your at the end of your rope with explosive behavior? If so, I have a concept to share with you that might help the two of you connect and increase positive interactions within your family or classroom. I want to start by saying that it can be incredibly frustrating and anxiety-provoking to witness a child who is suffering emotionally without the...
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How to Parent CALMLY (and Raise Happier Kids) When You Have Childhood PTSD
So many readers have written to me sharing their worries -- and their success stories -- around raising happy, healthy children despite having their own PTSD from childhood. The fear that we'll hurt the kids can hold us back from setting limits, yet losing control of kids' behavior can escalate discipline into a recipe for nervous system dysregulation and emotional overwhelm. In this video I talk about my worst parenting mistake, and how I.... ( Read More and watch the video at the Crappy...
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How to Raise an Emotionally Resilient Child [LionsRoar.com]
Emotional health, says parent coach Krissy Pozatek, means accepting the full range of human emotions, both the painful and the positive. For parents who wish their children nothing but happiness, that can be difficult. When my daughter was four, she said to me, “Mommy, I’m worried.” She had tension in her voice and fear in her eyes. Concerned, I asked, “Sweetie, what are you worried about?” With mounting frustration, she replied, “I don’t...
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How Trauma Therapy Cultivated My Recovery
I was 5 years old when I had my first encounter with trauma. Too young to comprehend the magnitude of the situation, my first grade class participated in a “Good Touch/Bad Touch” workshop,centered around educating and recognizing signs of sexual abuse. I found relief in finding a safe place to lay down the burden I had been carrying. I went straight to the school counselor and told her, in vivid description, the intimate details of my unwarranted molestation. I remember the grueling...
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'I am not okay': The remarkable response to the Charlie Rose allegations, from his CBS colleagues
This afternoon, Charlie Rose was fired from PBS and CBS. This morning, G ayle King and Norah O'Donnell, who anchor with Charlie Rose, reported on this national story. Here's an excerpt from an article by J. Freedom du Lac , Amy B Wang and Marwa Eltagouri which discusses this video clip. I'm okay and not okay. How are you? Are you talking about this with your kids, friends, partner, co-workers? I've been asked how I'm handling all the news reports of sexual harassment, assault and abuse being...
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I’m not cured, but I am healing
I wanted every individual suffering from chronic illnesses to understand the emerging science on not only how early adversity can lead to adult chronic illness, but how we can heal.
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I Want You, But I'm Triggered: Finding Pleasure When Trauma and Memory Collide [bitchmedia.org]
We don’t see it coming. We are having a moment of intimacy: a moment we’ve been desiring and have been moving towards. And here it is, clothing is coming off and the connection is good and new and hot and then boom—a flashback comes at the tip of a lover’s fingers, the thrust of a tongue, a hand at the throat—suddenly we are pulled back to a moment of terror, violation, or confusion. Our bodies feel caught up in that memory state and cannot register the present moment, can’t tell if we are,...
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In the Shadow of Fear? How do Anxious Parents Raise Confident Children?
I've been thinking a lot about projection all weekend. It started with the great discussion on projection started by Lindi last week where awesome conversation and resources have been shared. We hope to continue that in an online chat in Parenting with ACEs group in the near future. My boyfriend and I were walking my dog at a state park. It was beautiful out. Warm and sunny and finally summer. There were eight teens screaming, yelling and swimming by the edge of the water. I was startled by...
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In With The Old & The New: Getting Rid Of The War On Parenting Styles [HuffingtonPost.com]
"The purpose of fear is to raise your awareness, not to stop your progress." Steve Maraboli I sat down to write this piece after reading a post about being "drugged by our parents"! And, let me tell you, I had an immediate visceral reaction. I felt sick to my stomach and I felt upset that we have to resort to fear mongering to get others to see that our points of view are superior. If you want to read that post, you can read it here . But, what really came to fruition to me: We really suck...
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Is ACEs Advocacy Worth Risking Professional Backlash?
"Don't you worry an employer will see the personal stuff you have shared online?" ****** When I began writing publicly about my life and experiences with depression, and as a parenting with an ACE score of 9, my career in the mental health field was already on hold. At the time, I was a stay at home mom who needed an outlet. Now being back in the field, I sometimes get asked the question above. Truth is, yes, I do worry. But not for the reasons you may think. It has more to do with my feet,...
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Is Nothing Something? (lionsroar.com)
Thich Nhat Hanh answers children’s questions. Children have a special place in the Plum Village tradition of Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh. There are special practices, vows, and programs designed especially for children and teens, and Thich Nhat Hanh often fashions the first part of his dharma talks with them in mind. He regularly takes questions from children, and by and large adults can identify with what they ask. Children may be smaller and younger and they may have a funny way with...
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Is Your Teen Obsessed with Social Media? Here’s why that may be a very good thing.
By Sara Hare Published: July 25, 2014 When it comes to kids and social media, most of the discussion to date has been directed by parents looking for ways to stop the equivalent of a runaway train. “How do I set limits?” “What...
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It's Not Always Depression, Sometimes It's the Holidays
There are many myths and “shoulds” about how families and holidays should be: Families should love each other. Families should get along. Holidays should be fun. Reality, however, does not reflect these “shoulds.” The facts are: many people do not have happy families, happy family memories or happy holidays. Therefore, holidays and families can trigger us into states of anxiety, shame, and misery. Perhaps your parent or child is mean to you, or you have an active alcoholic uncle that makes...
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January is Positive Parenting Awareness Month Time to Renew, Refresh & Recharge [Child Parent Institute]
Another year has flown by, leaving me wondering where the time went. As I think about my family’s milestones and memories over the past year, I’m reminded of how often I get consumed by work, my family’s hectic schedule, and the never-ending list of household chores. It’s easy for my family to go through the motions of our daily routines – get up, go to school or work, come home, eat, do homework or work, go to bed, repeat, repeat, repeat – and even be in the same room without really...
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Just Let It Go – Yeah, Right
Please forgive the snarky title. I want to address something pervasive that I see in the business and personal growth community and I have strong feelings about it. I was on Facebook the other day reading a piece by yet another business leader telling me to just simply let go of my fear of being visible. I’ve seen hundreds of versions of this created by well-meaning leaders, coaches and healers of all kinds. Sound familiar?
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When Parents Fear "It's All My Fault"
Many of my colleagues in the field of early childhood mental health work with what are termed "high risk" populations. Children of drug addicted parents, victims of child abuse, and families in abject poverty. While the challenges these families face are daunting, I find myself feeling some envy for my colleagues whose clients are in such obvious distress that the need for intensive treatment of parent and infant is not in question. In my rural, small-town population things are not so clear.
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When Your Child Is Your PTSD Trigger
One-third of children experience childhood abuse, and yet the question is never asked: what happens when those children grow up and have families of their own?
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Why Aren’t Trauma Survivors Warned That Parenthood May Be a PTSD Trigger? (themighty.com)
For many survivors of childhood abuse, symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may re-occur, or never arise, until they become a parent. A significant number of parenting survivors do not recognize the increased depression , anxiety or onset of flashbacks as symptoms of PTSD, weaving in and out their journey to raise a family. Instead, many will internalize debilitating shame and question their ability, and even their right to parent. According to the National Center for Victims of...
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Why Focus on Resilience? 2019 BPT Conference Big Idea Session with Teri Barila
“There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in” -Desmond Tutu. This quote captures the essence of why resilience matters. To Community Resilience Initiative, Resilience is not about “lifting yourself up by your bootstraps” or “bouncing back” from serious harm or injury. To us, Resilience is about self-discovery and self-awareness based on what the ACE Study, neurobiology, and epigenetics tell us...
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Why Mandating Mental Health Education in Schools is a Band-Aid on a Gaping Wound
Don’t get me wrong: of course I care deeply about the mental and physical health of children, including my own son’s. I don’t want students to suffer in silence and shame. But I am very concerned about just how this topic will be taught in schools.
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Why Parents Need a Little Self-Compassion (greatergood.berkeley.edu)
Some parents misunderstand self-compassion and dismiss it as being self-centered, indulgent, or lazy. They fear it might lead to self-pity or that, if they aren’t tough enough, their kids will slack off and won’t be motivated or disciplined. But a growing body of research by Kristin Neff and her colleagues suggests that self-compassion is an antidote to self-pity. It helps us cope with tough situations like divorce and trauma, keeps us motivated, and helps us be more supportive and caring in...
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Why Parents Need to Know About ACEs
If we are lucky enough to be healthy, we probably don't worry all that much about health. If we are sick, we think about health issues all of the time. If we are lucky enough be wealthy, we probably don't worry all that much about money. If we are poor, we think about money stuff a lot. If we aren't hurt by racism or sexism or one of the many "isms," we might not even be aware these inequities exist. But if "isms" have hurt us, made life more difficult and less fair, we're probably acutely...
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Your Anxious Child, Coronavirus and You (wakeup-world.com)
With more than one quarter of the world’s population under lockdown conditions as of today and more sure to follow, anxiety and fear are widespread. Children, of course, are not immune to the worry, and with millions of schools now closed and many parents suffering stress of their own, the impact on children’s everyday lives is acute. If your child already suffers from anxiety or depression, or is of a sensitive disposition, their anxiety levels have probably skyrocketed. Given the wall to...
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Your Rights During an Investigation (www.risemagazine.org)
INTERVIEW BY RISE PARENT LEADERS When you’re investigated by child protective services, you have to make decisions every step of the way. You have to decide what information to share, whether to enroll in services, and, if you wind up with a case, whether or not to go to trial. You can’t know for sure what will help or hurt your situation. But the more you know about investigations, the better able you are to make educated decisions. Here Jessica Weidmann, a lawyer formerly with the Center...
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New Toolkit Issued to Help Providers Measure Trauma With ACES Survey [youthtoday.org]
A new toolkit is out that aims to help services providers give a survey about traumatic childhood experiences that are linked to negative effects on health and well-being. The toolkit, developed by The National Crittenton Foundation , offers recommendations about the Adverse Childhood Experiences survey, including how to talk to children and parents about the survey, track results and use the data for public education and policy advocacy. The toolkit also includes a sample protocol, case...
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Next "A Better Normal" community discussion series: April 23, 2020 — Education Upended, continued
Please join us for the ongoing discussion of 'A Better Normal- Education Upended'. Last time we just scratched the surface!! Our current capacity is 100 participants, so please join us on time and we will enter people until we reach capacity. These will be recorded and available on the ACEsConnection website. Zoom meeting info below.
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Next "A Better Normal" community discussion series: April 24, 2020: Using the Community Resiliency Model to self-regulate during the pandemic
Dave Granlund Friday, April 24, 2020 — Elaine Miller-Karas is founder of the Trauma Resources Institute and one of the key creators of the Community Resiliency Model (CRM). CRM is an ACES-science based model to help people become emotionally regulated during natural disasters and other dysregulating times. She will join ACEs Connection SE regional community facilitator Carey Sipp in an informal conversation with the ACEsConnection community. Elaine will discuss how to use the CRM for...
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Next "A Better Normal" community discussion series: April 7, 2020 — Tian Dayton
Therapist and author Dr. Tian Dayton, who first started writing about ACEs science more than 20 years ago, will address grief and maintaining emotional sobriety during COVID-19. Carey Sipp, Southeast community facilitator for ACEs Connection, will host this community conversation, and Alison Cebula, Northeastern regional community facilitator, will moderate.
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“No Coincidence, No Story.” Lisa See Inspires (www.healwritenow.com)
(Cissy's note: This is a post my sister, Karyn White Doherty, wrote for my blog about an event she organized with her book club. I share it here because it's about loss, grief, and ACEs as well as about what heals - relationships, community, and sharing stories. If you have been dealing with extreme weather or life conditions the last few days, and find reading or writing to be a soothing and wonderful escape, I hope you enjoy this. My sister is the best!) How does an author bring about...
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Opioid Addiction: Advice for Parents
Given the way the media portray opioid addiction, it's natural to react with panic or moral outrage when you discover your child struggling with the problem. It's not natural to calm down and try to view your child as someone who is using opioids to cope with serious problems, though that is likely the case, according to research.
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Our Most Vulnerable Population - Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
Before the pandemic, grandparents raising grandchildren were already in a precarious situation. They were struggling to meet the needs of children exposed to maltreatment and trauma while also supporting the family financially. But now, we fear, things have made a critical turn for the worse while those grandparents become unemployed, sick, or in the worst-case scenario, die due to Corona Virus.
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Parental Presence, by Daniel Siegel, (www.garrisoninstitute.org)
Excerpt: Parental presence comes from the experience of a father, or mother, making sense of his or her life so that issues from their own childhood experiences do not impair, in any prolonged or profound way, their ability to connect openly with a child. Making sense of your life as a parent means reflecting on the past so that you understand how your own childhood experiences shaped who you have become. What this means is that you’ve done some at times painful reflections to see clearly...
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Parenting during a Pandemic: Donna Jackson Nakazawa Shares
Donna Jackson Nakazawa was a featured guest in an online conversation about coping with COVID held on Twitter recently. It was hosted by KPJR Films . Donna was asked about "effective 'go-to' survival techniques" for parents and her Twitter thread response is comforting, centering, and compassionate. Her words are consolidated and shared, with her permission, below: Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a science journalist and the author of six books, including “ The Angel and the Assassin: The Tiny...
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Parenting Kids Who Have Been Afraid & Our Amazing Communities (Greater Richmond TICN)
I can't keep up with all the posts about the incredible work being done all over the country (and world). I've just been looking at the Greater Richmond (VA) Trauma Informed Community Network site where share the most detailed meeting minutes, including summarizing events and speakers they host. I found resources I'm going to add to the Parenting with ACEs site . and @Lisa Wrightgave me permission to broadcast them all over the home page, too. Here's an excerpt from a recent...
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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (The National Academies Press 2016)
A study published by The National Academies of Sciences in 2016 resulting in 10 Recommendations to build support for parents... "Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting- related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting- related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important...
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Parenting’s Troubled History
As we learned from the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study , negative childhood experiences are often kept secret, downplayed, or repressed because of our powerful desire to put such things behind us. Unfortunately, our minds and our brains don’t work that way. Patterns can play out automatically, no matter how hard we try to be original and create our own realities. Just as it is important to know family medical history (e.g., diabetes or tuberculosis) it is equally important to know about our...
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Parenting with ACEs Resources: Power Sharing & Sharing Powerfully
Sharing as a trauma survivor, parent (via adoption), writer, and advocate, I'm going to detail what I find crucial in any program or perspective geared towards those currently parenting with ACEs. Most important, is that any program be survivor and peer-led (or co-led). If that's the only change done, it's a good one. Who shares content, and how, is as important as the content being shared. So often, programs to parents are patronizing, punitive, and can come across as "edupuking" all over...
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Perspective of an adopted Son!
There is a national challenge to understand child and adult welfare. I have spent my whole life...42 years being trained to advocate and teach healthy dynamics, and for me it was life and death because my ACE score was either going to be a crutch or a gift. My training began in my mother's womb. I started my development out being fed stress chemicals, and fear chemicals, because my mother was surrounded by toxic stress, poor choice behaviors, and a family who did not support her. She is one...
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Positive Childhood Experiences offset ACEs: Q & A with Dr. Robert Sege about HOPE
Tufts University medical professor Dr. Robert Sege directs the Center for Community-Engaged Medicine and is nationally known for his research on effective health systems approaches that address social determinants of health. He is also the principal investigator for the HOPE framework (Healthy Outcomes from Positive Experiences).The HOPE framework is based on research that shows how positive childhood experiences can mitigate the effects of adverse childhood experiences. Sege and colleagues...
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PTSD in Love (www.healwritenow.com)
I went to the fireworks the other night. I was thinking about how fireworks can be hard for veterans and how it's good people know and respect that. Relationships are my fireworks. Relationships are where it's hard for me to stay present without being sent in to sensory overload. ACEs and interpersonal violence can be so messy and complex. It's hard to find language and even when we have words there aren't always ways to prevent all triggers. Relationships offer the space and place for the...
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PTSD Symptoms: Re-traumatization (www.giftfromwithin.org)
If you are a successful survivor but your personal hurricane hits again, and PTSD returns, what should you do? First, make sure you are safe. Physical safety requires effort, friends and may require experts in security, law, or health. When the risks are high, you don't need psychoanalysis. You need a safety net. Second, when physically safe, but full of fear, flashbacks, numbing and self-isolation, remind yourself that you are better off than a rookie who knows nothing about emotional...