This is an excellent article about "holding space" published a few days ago in Uplift. The visuals are exceptional.
It's making me think about 'holding space' as it pertains to parenting.
For me, it can be harder for me to drop my "I'm in the mom teaching role" and just hold space, as a parent.
To listen rather than advise.
To be with rather than make better.
To offer myself rather than impose myself.
To accept where my kid is at in a moment and be with that moment - and her - at the same time. It's hard not to run away with worry about what a mood or situation might mean for her or me or us.
This is about me and my stuff. I know that.
It's tricky in any relationship but how to balance it with the parenting role? And how to achieve this if one has had a lot of adversity in childhood where maybe involvement was erratic or violent and neglect meant there's was lots of space but no one "holding" it.
Yet, it's really important I think to learn, as my daughter is now a teen to shift some of the dynamics.
But to hold space for her I have to be pretty at ease with my own feelings and not easily tipped over into fear.
Or the need to control.
Still a work in progress.
How do parents show and teach how to hold space and how do we do this with our children? How does this shift and change as they grow and change?
I know the people I'm most honest, safe and real with are the ones who hold space for me and who let me hold space for them. This is always true. No exceptions.
In relationships where there is lots of space holding there's also lots of safety and healthy intimacy as well.
My daughter isn't one of the people who holds space for me. I'm clear on that. That's not her role. But I'm sensing that as she ages I need to get better at this with her.
I want us to be close even as she matures and grows more independent. I think this holding space concept is crucial.
I guess I'm holding space for myself as well to keep learning how to mother her through different ages and stages.
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