Tagged With "White world"
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When Hidden Grief Gets Triggered During COVID-19 Confinement
first published by The Meadows 4/15/20 Our sense of loss during the current COVID-19 crisis can trigger hidden emotions from when we experienced a sense of loss before. Whatever early losses you have had in your life — whether they be your own divorce, your parents, or both, or the abandonment of one parent, a childhood or parental illness or death, financial upheaval, constant moving around, or growing up with parental addiction or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) — they are likely to...
Ask the Community
Using the World Cafe Model for ACES
Minnesota Communities Caring for Children has been doing Parent Cafes for several years. We are piloting an ACE Cafe for parents/grassroots communities and would like to know if anyone has used this model for this purpose? We will do three cafes with the following topics. Cafe I- The Study Cafe II Brain Science Cafe II Becoming Self Healing Communities We are looking for partners to help us create questions for each Cafe.
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She once called the cops on a fellow parent. Here's why she wishes she hadn't. (upworthy.com)
Well-meaning strangers are frequently quick to intervene by calling authorities, which can cause undue stress and trauma for both the child and parent when that person has read the situation wrong. It can even be extraordinarily dangerous for people with disabilities and families of color . Concern for the well-being of others is a good thing. But concern without empathy hurts everyone. She wants to encourage people to reach out and help each other whenever possible, and not to assume the...
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She Strived to Be the Perfect Mom and Landed in the Psych Ward [KQED]
Lisa Abramson says that even after all she’s been through – the helicopters circling her house, the snipers on the roof, and the car ride to jail – she still wants to have a second child. Because, in the beginning, when her daughter was born, Lisa was smitten, just like the mom she’d imagined she would be. She’d look into her baby’s round, alert eyes and feel the adrenaline rush through her. She had so much energy. She was so excited. “I actually was thinking like, ‘I don’t get why other...
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Show & Tell
Show don't tell is the first bit of advice almost every writer gets. Don't give facts if words can form an image. Don't say a song was fast-paced if words can tap quickly, instead, across the page. It's good advice but when it comes to ACEs we need both. We need to tell and show and tell again. There's resistance to telling. We need facts and data and proof. And we need stories. Both. Over and over and over. So the facts come with faces. So the data is as pressing as a poem. I can write...
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Sonoma Charter tackles social-emotional wellbeing
As you walk through the courtyard of the Sonoma (California) Charter School (SCS) sounds of stomping feet, clapping hands, and children’s voices singing “round and round” and “shake shake” pour from the performing arts space called the Playbox. Inside, 10 first-graders wearing silk tunics, holding brightly colored fabric pieces , wriggle on the floor like worms, jumping like kangaroos, then gently throw feathers from an imaginary bird in the air. You’ve stepped into the world of...
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Spokane, WA, public health nurses create trauma-sensitive toolkit for parents/caregivers
Public health nurses at Spokane Regional Health District (SRHD) developed a 178-page toolkit -- 1*2*3 Care -- for caregivers of children. They define caregivers as parents, g randparents, child care providers, teachers, and others who care...
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Suffering in Silence Mood Disorders Among Pregnant and Postpartum Women of Color
Pregnancy and childbirth can bring joy and fulfillment to a woman's life. They can also bring anxiety, depression, and stress. If left untreated, postpartum depression and other mood disorders can grow severe and even fatal for both the mother and her child. The American Psychological Association estimates that 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression, yet the true statistic is unknown, as most women do not recognize the symptoms associated with the condition. 1 According to the World...
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Supergirl is a Myth: How to Help Girls Thrive in a World of Growing Expectations [kqed.org]
Depressive symptoms in girls shot up by 50 percent from 2010 to 2015, a rate more than double that for boys. As social media, college admissions and body image ideals become more ruthless, adolescent girls find themselves increasingly pressured to overachieve. In "Enough As She Is," Rachel Simmons explores how effortless perfection became the expectation for girls and how parents and society can "dispense with the myth of the so-called amazing girl." Guests: Rachel Simmons, author, "Enough...
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Talking ACEs
It’s two plus weeks since Oprah talked developmental trauma on 60 Minutes and introduced the world to the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study and ACE Quiz o n national television. I’m still flying high and committed to 30 days of posts about developmental trauma from ACEs. However, it is time for some digital diversity and the brilliant and varied voices of ACEs experts. These talks are all available online, for free, and can be understood whether one has a Ph.D. or PTSD – or both.
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Talking to kids about coronavirus [spencerdailyreporter.com]
By Dana Larsen, The Daily Reporter, March 22, 2020 STORM LAKE ― Stressful situations often cause kids to worry, even if they don’t show it. They will have questions about the changes taking place in their world. A confident and calm approach to coronavirus will help ease kids’ worries and make them feel secure, says Pam Bogue of Buena Vista County Public Health. “We know traumatic things do affect them ― and this could be a trauma especially if children see parents having issues coping with...
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Talking Tough Topics with Kids: Chat Event Right Here!
Hi Everyone! Our first monthly chat is scheduled for May 9th. I'm so excited. The topic is great and so is our guest. I hope you can attend. Cissy Location: Online / Parenting with ACEs Group It’s hard to know if, when and how to talk to children about abuse, addiction and ACEs. How do we find the right words or time? Please join Beth O’Malley , our special guest for the first in our Parenting with ACEs chat series . Beth has dedicated her life to supporting kids, adoptees, parents and...
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Taming the Dragons: Helping Children Cope: Ages Birth to Twelve Years
Taming the Dragons is a training manual for parents, foster parents, and kinship caregivers. It was developed out of a crisis nursery in WA state by Sue Delucchi. English and Spanish versions attached here for free downloads.
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Teen Ability To Describe Negative Emotions Protects Against Depression (scienceblog.com)
Teenagers who can describe their negative emotions in precise and nuanced ways are better protected against depression than their peers who can’t. That’s the conclusion of a new study about negative emotion differentiation, or NED, the ability to make fine-grained distinctions between negative emotions and apply precise labels, published in the journal Emotion . “Adolescents who use more granular terms such as ‘I feel annoyed,’ or ‘I feel frustrated,’ or ‘I feel ashamed’—instead of simply...
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The Absence of Punishment in Our Schools
Where to begin... My heart is full of hope and joy as I watch the trauma-informed schools movement swell across our nation and planet. The science of ACEs is mind-bending to say the least and we are now able to open up a much deeper dialogue about human behavior and health. Ultimately this work is about healing… All. Of. Us. A new consciousness is taking root around ending the “us vs them” construct. The idea is growing that we’re all on this journey together and that no matter where our...
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The Amazing Brain Series (www.instituteforsafefamilies.org)
Here's a link to several great downloads I'm adding to the Parenting with ACEs resource section. I've attached one of the five so you can get an idea of content and visuals. The downloads are all free and if you want colorful handouts those are available for purchase.
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The Beautiful Darkness: A Handbook for Orphans
I became a professional reader long before I was a writer when I was living in homeless shelters, subsidized housing, and welfare hotels with my mother in New York City. Most of the middle class and affluent black folks I would come to know in the future would wince and give me a look I couldn’t read when I would tell the story that I outline in my new memoir, The Beautiful Darkness: A Handbook for Orphans . All some intolerant, ignorant bigots need is to continue to hear about the...
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The Boy Born Out of Resilience
A few months ago I published a blog, " A Mother's Rage". I re-accounted my rage and helplessness regarding my daughter's high school rape in Miami, FL. I ended my post with words of hope. I wrote how several years had passed since my daughter's assault. She was now engaged and pregnant with my first grandchild. This is the rest of the story. I held my daughter's hand as she labored through the night with my grandson. I tried to comfort her fiancee who felt helpless. I rubbed her back,...
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Race/Related: COVID-19 and the Collapse of America's Welfare State [nytimes.com]
By Eduardo Porter, The New York Times, March 28, 2020 Cloistered in my Brooklyn quarantine, I’ve probably been wondering about some of the same things you have: How come the United States only has 2.4 intensive care beds per 1,000 people, about one-third the number in South Korea? Why is American unemployment insurance so stingy? And critically, how can it be that one in 10 people in the richest country in the history of the world must face the worst epidemic in 100 years without access to...
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Raising Girls Who are "Includers" Instead of Mean Girls" (www.lisamccrohan.com)
My dear friend sent me this link today. It's worth sharing and I think applies whether we are raising sons or daughters. The full article is great and here's an excerpt: I remember walking into the cafeteria of my new school and it was like someone punched me in the stomach. I was in sixth grade. My family had just moved from Virginia to Ohio. At first, I attended the local Catholic school. Within the first two months, I was begging my parents to go to the public school because the girls...
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Reclaiming Black Girlhood with Hand Games (ascd.org)
"Hand games were a major factor in how we experienced the world as black girls," adds Halyard, a lawyer with a background in education and child advocacy. She and her Hand Games Project partner OnRaé LaTeal, a professional music producer and youth educator, discovered the widespread influence of games like Mary Mack with female friends near and far. Beyond back-in-the-day nostalgia, Halyard and LaTeal see hand games as an underused but potentially powerful tool to teach resiliency,...
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Registration Open - 2019 Families and Fathers Conference Early Rate and Hotel Discount Closing Please Share
In forty-eight days, we open our 20th convening of a powerful conference focused on strengthening families, improving outcomes for children, and strategies to engage families. The 20th Annual Families and Fathers Conference hosted by Fathers and Families Coalition of America Sponsorships allow the extended early rate for an exceptional experience in Los Angeles, California from March 4th (pre-conference institute credential) through the main conference dates of March 5th - 7th. Please share...
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Remembering the Children Trapped By Addiction
For every addict, there are five to seven people deeply impacted by living with addiction. People whose lives will be forever changed. The most vulnerable of these are children. There are several factors that impact how traumatizing the experience of growing up with addiction might become. Among them are, a child’s access to outside support, their age/developmental level and of course, the natural power imbalance between parent and child. Afterall, where can a child go with their lunchbox,...
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Report Features Newly-Released Data to Support Positive Child and Family Well-Being
A new report produced in partnership with Casey Family Programs illuminates the importance of HOPE—Health Outcomes of Positive Experiences, a framework that studies and promotes positive child and family well-being. Balancing Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) with HOPE presents newly-released, compelling data that reinforces the need and opportunity to support families and communities in the cultivation of relationships and environments that promote healthy childhood development. It also...
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Resilience for Children & Families: Supportive Beliefs during COVID19
Hello, ACEs Connection professionals! Here is the 4th in our series of COVID19 weekly resilience briefs. This one explores the protective factor of connectivity and spiritual beliefs. It encourages children in research supported ways to look to something greater during difficult times. Many Thanks to the contributions of Victor Vieth, MA Theology, J.D., Director of ZeroAbuseProject, the CAST university programs, and Chair of AVAhealth. Enjoy!
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RESILIENCY: Innate or Nurtured
For me, resiliency is in part innate. I don't think we can teach resilience. Through love and connection we can most certainly nurture it. A key piece of resiliency is connection with others. I look back at all that I have endured in my life and wonder what made me keep getting back up. Why did I become more tenacious each time life and family knocked me down? For me, what kept me going was being out in the world connecting with people throughout the day. It made me feel part of something...
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Review of Wrestling Ghosts (Documentary About Breaking the Cycle of Trauma) & Tickets
Cissy's Note: This post below with an offer for some free tickets to see Wrestling Ghosts was shared in the Parenting with ACE s community, thanks to @Charlotte Graham! However, I know many care about parents, parenting with ACEs who are on the main page so I'm sharing here as well with my review of this movie. I saw it last week and IT IS SO POWERFUL!!!! This documentary is so honest, raw, real, and powerful. It made me sad, hopeful, heartbroken, and encouraged all at the same...
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Rise TIPS: For Parents in Crisis (www.risemagazine.org) & Commentary
Note: This handout was developed with, for and by parents in the child welfare system. However, it's got great content for all parents. For example, the article "Fight or Flight: Coping When Visits Stir Up Reminders of Trauma" is excellent. Lots of us parenting with ACEs have had the shameful experience of being triggered by our children. It can feel horrible. However, it's something we rarely admit, talk about or find addressed anywhere. Part of the problem is that much of the stuff written...
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Robert Waldinger What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness (Ted.com)
While we know ACEs have a profound impact on our adult health, it's good to be reminded that some of our adult choices and relationships also have a profound impact. This Ted Talk by Robert Waldinger does a nice job of summarizing the research findings from about 75 years of studying 700 men. Men who got brain scans, blood work, were interviewed and filled out questionnaires. Men who had vastly different childhood experiences. Robert Waldinger said: Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two...
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RYSE Center's Listening Campaign: Young people in Richmond, CA help adults understand trauma, violence, coping, and healing
"My experience with violence is very brutal...I grew up with violence as if it were my sibling." - LC participant (youth) "We know we can't run the city- it's too complex- but our experience and our voices should count, especially because we're the most effected ." - LC participant (youth) "Our city's problems are shared by us all; we are all part of the problem AND the solution. Listening is a key component to healing." - LC Share Out partici pant (adult) Three years ago, RYSE Center in...
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School’s Out for the Summer. Why Aren’t Teens More Chill? (mindful.org)
Unaddressed anxiety has a different impact on young minds - that's why it's important to confront our own fears in a mindful way while providing resources for our teens. School's out for the summer. While students are taking a break, it's still a time of transition: Whether middle school students are gearing up for high school, or high school seniors are preparing to enter into the adult world, each transition carries an element of uncertainty. Although changes like these can mark exciting...
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Scotland has banned smacking children – so should everyone else [newscientist.com]
Smacking children was outlawed in Scotland this week. Remarkably, parents in the rest of the UK can still use physical violence to punish or discipline their children, provided it can be considered “reasonable punishment”, a term not properly defined in law . Smacking is allowed in the majority of other nations. Around the world, smacking is common. A 2014 report by UNICEF found that 80 per cent of the world’s children are subject to some form of violent punishment at home. A survey of just...
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Sesame Workshop and BTC Team Up to Help with Big Scary Feelings during the COVID-19 Crisis
Caring for Each Other: How to Use Sesame Street in Communities Resources for Health Emergencies with Families Now Wednesday, April 1, 2020 @ 3 PM ET We're all in this together, and that's why we're all coming together. Sesame Workshop and the Brazelton Touchpoints Center are partnering on a webinar series, beginning April 1st, to share online resources that can help us handle the sudden changes in our lives when we face health emergencies like the one that confronts us today. As a result of...
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Learning To Care For My Newborn Was A Humbling Experience [npr.org]
Wen is an emergency physician and the health commissioner of Baltimore City. Two months ago, my husband and I welcomed our baby son, Eli, into the world. Hearing his first cry and getting to hold him were the happiest moments of our lives. When he was placed on my chest and I could see and touch him, I felt like I knew him already. The doctors told us he was healthy and well. I couldn't wait to start our lives together as a family. The night we arrived home, Eli wouldn't stop crying. Crying...
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Lifebooks & Some Tips for Social Workers & Parents (www.adoptionlifebooks.com)
Beth O'Malley is a social worker who was in foster care as a child. She worked, for decades, at the Department for Children and Families (formerly called DSS). She is also a mother. Her child was adopted as well. She has a wide range of personal and professional perspectives. It's from her I learned about the importance of Lifebooks which can be made with and for toddlers, grade schoolers, and even teens. They are practical because they may be the one place a child can have to store names...
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Love in the time of Coronavirus: HOPE-informed thoughts for parents
This has been quite a week, and we are now facing major disruptions in our own family lives. There is no doubt that the events of this winter and spring will be memorable for children. In that spirit, here are a few ideas to help make those memories (at least somewhat) happy.
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How Magic Hugs & Author Donna Jackson Nakazawa Make ACEs Science Useful to Parents
Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a well-known writer and author. Her book, Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology is a go-to guide for lots of us and makes her a frequent guest on podcasts. Last week I heard Allison Morris interview her during her Healing Our Children World Summit . Morris, a self-described "trauma mama" and "single adoptive mother of a child with early developmental trauma, attachment issues, and some physical disabilities" who gathers information and...
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Making the Case for Paid Family Leave [ChildTrends.org]
As I move full steam ahead into my 30s, friends all around are beginning to start families and have babies. Watching them go through pregnancies is exciting, observing them as they bond with babies is special, and experiencing them letting me bond with their babies is something I have no words for sometimes. This past weekend I visited a friend in the hospital and snuggled her 28-hour-old little one. It was mesmerizing. Yet one thing that is not fun to watch them do is try...
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Mama Obama & Daddy Donald: Growing Myself Up (www.healwritenow.com) & Question
Dear Parents & Professionals: How are you all responding to Michelle Obama's powerful speech? How are you holding up hearing all the women talking about we have experienced? In general as well as in relation to Donald Trump and Bill Clinton? I've been so deeply rattled and disturbed. But not, at first. It took me hearing Michelle Obama's speech to get honest and clear and to allow tears and outrage. And also to do some serious self-reflection. I had my fourteen year old listen to...
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Managing Post-Traumatic Stress in a Pandemic: 3/19 Practices & Resources Update
Are you looking for new ways to get connected, supported, or to manage stress while managing post-traumatic stress during this pandemic? I am. No matter what our past or present life circumstances, it's safe to say a whole bunch of us are feeling more stressed and if we live with chronic post-traumatic stress to begin with, we might be feeling especially vulnerable right now. New Practices & Resources as of 3/19/2020 Bioenergetic stress relief - Shaking and Grounding "SHAKING: One of the...
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Mass Incarceration, Stress, and Black Infant Mortality [americanprogress.org]
Infant mortality and mass incarceration are major issues affecting the black community. But while they are often thought of and dealt with on separate tracks, structural racism firmly connects these critical issues. Structural racism exposes black women to distinct stressors—such as contact with the criminal justice system—that ultimately undermine their health and the health of their children. Today, infants born to black mothers die at twice the rate as those born to white mothers. 1 This...
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Meditate Together: Free live & online daily group meditation (www.mindfulleader.org)
This is a Mindful Leader COVID-19 Support Initiative - free until Friday, May 1st. From the Mindful Leader website:
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Mentored Boys or Monster Boys: The Two Choices for Our Future
I wrote recently about my preparations to take my 15 year-old grandson, Deon, for a four day, young men’s rites of passage, retreat. It was truly an adventure of a life-time for both of us and want to share a bit about the experience with you (that’s me in the second row on the right with Deon beside me). I’ve long believed that mentoring is critical to the well-being of our children and grandchildren, particularly the young men. It’s also critical to the well-being of our communities. Many...
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Mindful Parent, Resilient Child: Strategies for Difficult Times, a FREE live video call with Dr. Christopher Willard.
Join us for Mindful Parent, Resilient Child: Strategies for Difficult Times , a FREE live video call with Dr. Christopher Willard. During the forty-five minute talk, Dr. Willard will offer approaches to gain presence and momentum through challenging times. This will be a rich resource for families, offering strategies for mindfulness-rooted parenting in times of extreme stress as well as peace. You’ll have the opportunity to submit questions during the talk, and Dr. Willard will answer as...
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Mom Has a Kitchen Dance Party With 3-Yr-Old. Then She Hears “I Miss My Other Daddy.” (faithit.com)
Being a foster parent is not for the faint of heart. A cycle of taking in broken, wounded little hearts, often just for them to get broken and wounded again — all while remaining “unattached” for the sake of their assured departure from your care — is a nearly impossible job for most to fathom undertaking. And all that aside, how do you even begin to explain to a 3-year-old that they have a “new daddy” or “new mommy” in a way that doesn’t completely wreck their perception of what it means to...
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Momming: One Day At A Time (www.cagedmoments.com)
This beautiful essay was written by the same Heidi Aylward written about earlier this summer on ACEsTooHigh . I had a conversation several months ago with an old friend. He was talking about how fantastic his mom is and how she has always been at his side through everything. Good or bad, his mom has loved and supported him through everything. I’m lucky enough to know her. She is as amazing as he says. She is compassionate and empathetic and loving and supportive, no matter what he did or...
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Most Therapeutic Experiences Don't Take Place in Therapy [PsychoTherapyNetworker.org]
Note: The article is great. If you don't have time to read it, this quote is worth a minute. Relationships matter: the currency for systemic change was trust, and trust comes through forming healthy working relationships. People, not programs, change people. The cooperation, respect and collaboration we experienced gave us hope that we could make a difference, even though the raids themselves had ended in such catastrophe. The seeds of a new way of working with traumatized children were sown...
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Mother's Day Can Be Hard: Chasing the Blues
The world has changed in many good ways. All over my newsfeed yesterday and today are posts about aching, loss, grief and divorcing from parents. Mother's Day, Father's Day and other holidays can be hard. At least that loss isn't experienced only in silence now. This year, I've seen many posts more complex than greeting cards. That wasn't always so. I'm not here to tell anyone about how Mother's Day should or might feel and if anger or forgiveness is good or bad, toxic or healthy or what...