Tagged With "good enough mother"
Blog Post
What If We Could Reach Families Before the Crisis? There Would Be Fewer Kids in Foster Care [chronicleofsocialchange.com]
It’s no secret that our foster care system is overburdened. More than 250,000 children enter foster care each year. We don’t have enough foster families to meet this demand, and we don’t have enough adoptive families either. At the end of 2017, 123,000 kids around the country were still waiting to be adopted into a family. But what if the only answer isn’t recruiting more foster and adoptive parents? Are there other things we can do? What if the answer is recruiting more communities to get...
Blog Post
What is Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD)?
Most people have heard of post-traumatic stress disorder that afflicts many men and women returning from a war zone. It is characterized by flashbacks, unstable moods, and survivor’s remorse. However, many have never heard of a condition that often develops in childhood and changes the course of the child’s life forever, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). For a good definition of CPTSD, we turned to Beauty After Bruises, an organization that offers outreach focused on adult...
Blog Post
What Kids Wish Their Teachers Knew (www.nytimes.com)
A brilliant idea by Kyle Schwartz , a grade school teacher, was used in class. She started a sentence students could finish. It was "I wish my teacher knew...." It became a Twitter campaign #iwishmyteacherknew and a book by the same name. I'm so glad. The experiences of children, in their own words, are being shared and it's powerful. Here's a snippet below from the New York Times article . The teacher's quote is important as is what the child wrote. As a writer and a mother and an advocate,...
Blog Post
What Mothers Need to Succeed (www.usanews.com)
Article by Susannah Wellford. I'm sitting on the couch next to my son James. It's Mother's Day, late afternoon, and we are watching a dumb movie on TV procrastinating making dinner and doing homework. It is the happiest I have been all day – hanging out with my son, doing nothing. A lot of my favorite parenting moments are like this. I find a tremendous amount of joy just being with my children, not doing anything special. I appreciate this together time all the more because I know how...
Blog Post
What's Lost When Black Children Are Socialized Into a White World [theatlantic.com]
By Dani McClain, The Atlantic, November 21, 2019 Jessica Black is a Pittsburg, California, mother of two black teenagers, both of whom have been disciplined multiple times at their middle and high schools. Her daughter has been suspended more than once, and teachers often deem her son’s behavior out of line, reprimanding him for not taking off his hoodie in class and for raising his voice. In observing her own family and others, Black has noticed a pattern: Behaviors that many black parents...
Blog Post
What to Do When You Lose Your Cool at Your Daughter (www.motheringanddaughtering.com)
The mother mentor in my life told me about this mother-daughter duo a few years ago. I checked out Sil and Eliza Roberts but their written words didn't resonate with me at the time. They seemed too wealthy or healthy or happy or capable. I just couldn't relate to them. I couldn't imagine mothers and daughters speaking this way, at all, never mind with one another.Plus, they weren't talking about trauma, loss or adversity or the struggles of people with addiction, disease or ACEs in the past...
Blog Post
When a Mother Loves an Alcoholic - Parenting With ACEs
I was such a mother. I was also the daughter of an alcoholic. My mom died earlier this year. When a mother loves an alcoholic or is raised by an alcoholic, she is changed in profound ways - ways she has no idea are even present, yet ways that make her a confounding figure in her children's lives. At the root of these "ways" is her adverse childhood experiences. As I shared recently in my post, The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking ACEs , "[My] Mom and I talked about my realization that...
Blog Post
When Hidden Grief Gets Triggered During COVID-19 Confinement
first published by The Meadows 4/15/20 Our sense of loss during the current COVID-19 crisis can trigger hidden emotions from when we experienced a sense of loss before. Whatever early losses you have had in your life — whether they be your own divorce, your parents, or both, or the abandonment of one parent, a childhood or parental illness or death, financial upheaval, constant moving around, or growing up with parental addiction or adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) — they are likely to...
Ask the Community
School Council, School Improvement Plans, ACEs, Diversity & Help?
Dear Parenting with ACEs Community: I'm wondering if anyone has worked ACEs-related language into a School Council School Improvement Plan? I'm on the School Council for a charter school and we're looking at improving parent engagement., in general, and as part of that I'm trying to introduce two topics: 1) ACEs and 2)Race, Class & Parent Involvement We have kids from 30 different communities and 1/3 of the students are Haitian. The other 2/3 are mostly but not entirely Caucasian.
Blog Post
Shared Grief: If my daughter could know me it would help her understand her own suffering (www.risemangazine.org)
Rise Magazine is one of the few places I know of that gives voice to the experiences of parents who have children involved with child welfare. About Rise: Every year almost 300,000 children enter foster care nationwide. Media coverage of foster care focuses on tragic child deaths, the need for foster and adoptive parents, and the experiences of young people who age out of foster care at 18 or 21. Less understood is that more than half of children in foster care return home to their parents...
Blog Post
Sheltering in Place: ACEs-Informed Tips for Self-Care During a Pandemic
Millions of lives have been affected in unprecedented ways by the Coronavirus (COVID-19). We are all grappling with uncertainty—our daily routines interrupted, not knowing what is to come. For those of us who have Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), these times can be particularly distressing. At the Center for Youth Wellness (CYW), we know that childhood trauma can have a significant impact on an individual’s health and well-being – both physiologically and psychologically. Since the...
Blog Post
Sherman Alexie’s incredible openness in two articles & audios (www.KUOW.org) & Commentary
"It all blends together. It's the way in which cruelty can be everyday ordinary to spectacular - but that it's a constant possibility. So that her unpredictable nature, her amazing beauty, and magic combined with her ability to be so mean." Sherman Alexie These articles , Facebook posts and audio clips and interviews with Sherman Alexie are so moving, beautiful and painful. It's like poetry, song, prayer or listening to birds in the trees. I may not get every message being shared but can...
Blog Post
Show & Tell
Show don't tell is the first bit of advice almost every writer gets. Don't give facts if words can form an image. Don't say a song was fast-paced if words can tap quickly, instead, across the page. It's good advice but when it comes to ACEs we need both. We need to tell and show and tell again. There's resistance to telling. We need facts and data and proof. And we need stories. Both. Over and over and over. So the facts come with faces. So the data is as pressing as a poem. I can write...
Blog Post
Simple Solutions to Real Barriers
My name is Rebekah Couch and I am a former teen mother of five children, the youngest child being my only clean and sober pregnancy allowed to remain in my care. I am a survivor of multiple sexual assaults and was afflicted with untreated mental health issues as an adolescent. My destructive journey began with self-medicating and illegal activities in junior high and a daily cocaine addiction by the age of 15 that eventually advanced to methamphetamine abuse. My addiction and criminal...
Blog Post
Single Mother Seeks to Give Daughter the Peace That Eluded Her [NYTimes.com]
Above the simple gray churches along a dimly lit section of Detroit, the brooding eyes of Lil Wayne, who was covered in chains and holding a bottle of Hennessy, peered from a billboard in the rough neighborhood where India Wayman grew up. Her childhood had been fraught with traumatic experiences. Her father was violent and inconsistent, Ms. Wayman said, and she was bullied at school. A social worker visited her home when she was 12. “Take her, we don’t need her here anymore,” Ms. Wayman, now...
Blog Post
Some Thoughts on Oprah (www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org)
Laura Dennis wrote about why so many adoptive parents, as well as teachers, survivors, and advocates, were glued to the TV last night. Here's an excerpt:
Blog Post
Spokane, WA, public health nurses create trauma-sensitive toolkit for parents/caregivers
Public health nurses at Spokane Regional Health District (SRHD) developed a 178-page toolkit -- 1*2*3 Care -- for caregivers of children. They define caregivers as parents, g randparents, child care providers, teachers, and others who care...
Blog Post
Strengths-Based Parenting Guides from Yolo County Children's Alliance
Yolo County Children’s Alliance (YCCA) parenting guides promote positive parenting skills and strengthen protective factors that have been identified to reduce the likelihood of child abuse and neglect. All three YCCA guides are available in English, Spanish, and Russian on our website: www.yolokids.org/forfamilies . Each guide also has a Conversation Starters for Providers , which can be found at https://www.yolokids.org/providers-guides . Below please find more information about each...
Blog Post
Study Finds Foster Kids Suffer PTSD (www.thecrimson.com) & Commentary & Images
I shared the blog post below on ACEsConnection a little while ago. I keep thinking about images when it comes to PTSD and also ACEs. The cultural image of PTSD is something that still tends to be of soldiers. How do we go about changing that. I'm hoping a better understanding of ACEs, in the general public, will eventually change the images we tend to have and use as well. But what images should be shown? What images do people have of ACEs and what do we hope they (we) will have? I know even...
Blog Post
Suffering in Silence Mood Disorders Among Pregnant and Postpartum Women of Color
Pregnancy and childbirth can bring joy and fulfillment to a woman's life. They can also bring anxiety, depression, and stress. If left untreated, postpartum depression and other mood disorders can grow severe and even fatal for both the mother and her child. The American Psychological Association estimates that 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression, yet the true statistic is unknown, as most women do not recognize the symptoms associated with the condition. 1 According to the World...
Blog Post
Supergirl is a Myth: How to Help Girls Thrive in a World of Growing Expectations [kqed.org]
Depressive symptoms in girls shot up by 50 percent from 2010 to 2015, a rate more than double that for boys. As social media, college admissions and body image ideals become more ruthless, adolescent girls find themselves increasingly pressured to overachieve. In "Enough As She Is," Rachel Simmons explores how effortless perfection became the expectation for girls and how parents and society can "dispense with the myth of the so-called amazing girl." Guests: Rachel Simmons, author, "Enough...
Blog Post
Supportive Housing Can Help Keep Families Together [howhousingmatters.org]
By Mary K. Cunningham, Mike Pergamit, and Sarah Gillespie, How Housing Matters, June 5, 2019. Many families who come to child welfare agencies after a report of child abuse or neglect are experiencing homelessness or severe housing instability. Nearly 11 million households (PDF) nationwide are paying too much for rent, and about 1.4 million people use homeless shelters and transitional housing over the course of a year. There is no place in the country where there is enough affordable...
Blog Post
Talking ACEs
It’s two plus weeks since Oprah talked developmental trauma on 60 Minutes and introduced the world to the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study and ACE Quiz o n national television. I’m still flying high and committed to 30 days of posts about developmental trauma from ACEs. However, it is time for some digital diversity and the brilliant and varied voices of ACEs experts. These talks are all available online, for free, and can be understood whether one has a Ph.D. or PTSD – or both.
Blog Post
Taming the Dragons: Helping Children Cope: Ages Birth to Twelve Years
Taming the Dragons is a training manual for parents, foster parents, and kinship caregivers. It was developed out of a crisis nursery in WA state by Sue Delucchi. English and Spanish versions attached here for free downloads.
Blog Post
Teens & Stress (Webmd.com & Nysteachs.org) Plus Commentary
My daughter didn't sleep well one night this week. She was looking forward to seeing friends back at school. But there are so many new kids in her grade and she's heard there's lots more home work this year. One the way to school she said she was "exstressed" (excited plus stressed). Back to school time can be a busy and expensive time for many of us. Our kids may be sleeping less, struggling with homework demands and social pressures while trying to keep up with jobs, responsibilities or...
Blog Post
Teens Sleeping Too Much, Or Not Enough? Parents Can Help [npr.org]
Within three days of starting high school this year, my ninth-grader could not get into bed before 11 p.m. or wake up by 6 a.m. He complained he couldn't fall asleep but felt foggy during the school day and had to reread lessons a few times at night to finish his homework. And forget morning activities on the weekends — he was in bed. We're not the only family struggling to get restful shut-eye. "What parents are sharing with us is that the 'normal life' of a typical American high schooler...
Blog Post
The Absence of Punishment in Our Schools
Where to begin... My heart is full of hope and joy as I watch the trauma-informed schools movement swell across our nation and planet. The science of ACEs is mind-bending to say the least and we are now able to open up a much deeper dialogue about human behavior and health. Ultimately this work is about healing… All. Of. Us. A new consciousness is taking root around ending the “us vs them” construct. The idea is growing that we’re all on this journey together and that no matter where our...
Blog Post
The Beautiful Darkness: A Handbook for Orphans
I became a professional reader long before I was a writer when I was living in homeless shelters, subsidized housing, and welfare hotels with my mother in New York City. Most of the middle class and affluent black folks I would come to know in the future would wince and give me a look I couldn’t read when I would tell the story that I outline in my new memoir, The Beautiful Darkness: A Handbook for Orphans . All some intolerant, ignorant bigots need is to continue to hear about the...
Blog Post
The Beauty Myth for Boys [nytimes.com]
By Cara Natterson, The New York Times, December 3, 2019 As long as I have been a pediatrician, boys have told me — usually in not so many words — that they feel the exact same body pressures girls do, just in different directions. This body-sense emerges earlier than we might expect thanks to the younger onset of puberty, which has moved squarely into the elementary school years, yes for both boys and girls. The difference is that female body changes tend to be obvious from the start; not so...
Blog Post
The Building Blocks of HOPE – Block #2: Environment
We have been so encouraged to hear how HOPE (Healthy Outcomes from Positive Experiences) is a natural fit for ACES Connection. Children who grow up in safe, stable and equitable environments are less likely to experience poor mental and physical health as adults. It is crucial to ask caregivers about the types of environments their children are experiencing. Celebrate the positive and work with families to help ensure their child has the opportunity to live, learn and play in safe and...
Blog Post
Recognizing and Attending to Intergenerational Trauma
A mother brings her 8-year-old son to the pediatrician after his teacher repeatedly asks her to have him evaluated for ADHD. The trauma-informed pediatrician knows that childhood trauma exposure can resemble hyperactivity associated with ADHD. The pediatrician asks the mother to privately complete an adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) questionnaire and asks to do one with the son as well. The questionnaire reveals that the son had witnessed his mom being physically abused by her last two...
Blog Post
Registration Open - 2019 Families and Fathers Conference Early Rate and Hotel Discount Closing Please Share
In forty-eight days, we open our 20th convening of a powerful conference focused on strengthening families, improving outcomes for children, and strategies to engage families. The 20th Annual Families and Fathers Conference hosted by Fathers and Families Coalition of America Sponsorships allow the extended early rate for an exceptional experience in Los Angeles, California from March 4th (pre-conference institute credential) through the main conference dates of March 5th - 7th. Please share...
Blog Post
Report Features Newly-Released Data to Support Positive Child and Family Well-Being
A new report produced in partnership with Casey Family Programs illuminates the importance of HOPE—Health Outcomes of Positive Experiences, a framework that studies and promotes positive child and family well-being. Balancing Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) with HOPE presents newly-released, compelling data that reinforces the need and opportunity to support families and communities in the cultivation of relationships and environments that promote healthy childhood development. It also...
Blog Post
[Repost] Trauma-informed Care: It Takes More Than a Clipboard and a Questionnaire
California is about to launch an ambitious campaign to train tens of thousands of Medi-Cal providers to screen children and adults up to age 65 for trauma, starting on January 1, 2020. It is well-established that the early identification of trauma and providing the appropriate treatment are critical tools for reducing long-term health care costs for both children and adults. Research has shown that individuals who experienced a high number of traumatic childhood events are likely to die...
Blog Post
Research roundup: ACEs among incarcerated women; testing technology to help reduce substance use; prenatal support as an intervention to prevent ACEs
photo by Rhoda Baer/Wikimedia Common Life as she knows it: The effects of adverse childhood experiences on intimate partner violence among women prisoners [Child Abuse & Neglect] "Most incarcerated women suffer from adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), such as abuse (e.g., physical, sexual, emotional), neglect, (e.g., physical, emotional), and chaotic home environments (e.g., witnessing domestic violence), and adult intimate partner violence (IPV). Yet the majority of research on the...
Blog Post
RESILIENCE: The Secret of CPTSD Recovery (First in a Series)
When we talk about a history childhood trauma, we talk a lot about the problems — the damage, the limitation on our lives, the sadness. But in reality, a lot of us are thriving despite abuse and neglect in the past. The word for this is resilient. Overcoming the effects of Childhood PTSD is not easy, and it’s not a road I’d choose for anyone. But if that’s the hand life dealt you, it is still possible for you to blossom into a life of depth and love and purpose. Resilience is often mentioned...
Blog Post
Resource List -- Spanish-Language ACEs Science Resources
Looking for Spanish-language handouts or information for presentations? Find Spanish-language resources here.
This resource list is organized in alphabetical order.
Blog Post
Rethinking 'Resilience' and Grit: www.economichardship.org
This article was written by Alissa Quart and co-published by the Economic hardship Project and the Boston Globe . To read the rest of this essay by Alissa Quart, go here.
Blog Post
Review of Wrestling Ghosts (Documentary About Breaking the Cycle of Trauma) & Tickets
Cissy's Note: This post below with an offer for some free tickets to see Wrestling Ghosts was shared in the Parenting with ACE s community, thanks to @Charlotte Graham! However, I know many care about parents, parenting with ACEs who are on the main page so I'm sharing here as well with my review of this movie. I saw it last week and IT IS SO POWERFUL!!!! This documentary is so honest, raw, real, and powerful. It made me sad, hopeful, heartbroken, and encouraged all at the same...
Blog Post
Rise TIPS: For Parents in Crisis (www.risemagazine.org) & Commentary
Note: This handout was developed with, for and by parents in the child welfare system. However, it's got great content for all parents. For example, the article "Fight or Flight: Coping When Visits Stir Up Reminders of Trauma" is excellent. Lots of us parenting with ACEs have had the shameful experience of being triggered by our children. It can feel horrible. However, it's something we rarely admit, talk about or find addressed anywhere. Part of the problem is that much of the stuff written...
Blog Post
RYSE Center's Listening Campaign: Young people in Richmond, CA help adults understand trauma, violence, coping, and healing
"My experience with violence is very brutal...I grew up with violence as if it were my sibling." - LC participant (youth) "We know we can't run the city- it's too complex- but our experience and our voices should count, especially because we're the most effected ." - LC participant (youth) "Our city's problems are shared by us all; we are all part of the problem AND the solution. Listening is a key component to healing." - LC Share Out partici pant (adult) Three years ago, RYSE Center in...
Blog Post
SAMHSA's Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach
Years in the making, this important piece of the trauma-informed pie is on the table! Check it out.
Blog Post
Sandra Bullock Makes Emotional Plea to Ban the Phrase 'Adopted Children': Say "Our Children" (msn.com)
Sandra Bullocks knows the most important ingredient in a family is love, not DNA. The mother of two chatted about her advocacy in a cover story for InStyle 's June 2018 issue, out May 11, calling for a greater understanding and treatment of women's rights over their own bodies and an end to the phrase "my adopted child". To read more of Stephanie Petit's article, please click here.
Blog Post
Science of Childhood Trauma: 5 Healing Gestures (www.changingmindsnow.org)
Science and hope combined to help us parents understand why seemingly simple interactions can matter. For me, this short video helped me make a little more eye contact and have a little discussion with my daughter and to encourage us BOTH to put our cell phones away at the dinner table. I need lots of reminders even about the stuff I already know. I like how this is simple, short and practical enough to remind of some basics.
Blog Post
Secrets Of Breast-Feeding From Global Moms In The Know (www.npr.org)
"Many of the women that I talked to actually struggled a lot with learning how to breast-feed," she says. Two-thirds of the women said they had some problems at the beginning, such as pain, fear, troubles getting the baby to latch and concerns about the milk supply — just like American moms. And their problems went behind breast-feeding. "Most women talked about having little knowledge about early infant care, such as how to hold babies or how to be sure they're sleeping safely," Scelza...
Blog Post
Self Care Isn’t Enough When You Parent Complex Kids (huffingtonpost.com)
I believe in self-care, truly I do, but (you know what they say about "but," ignore everything before it) it's like offering a candy bar to someone suffering from malnourishment. It will taste great and give a momentary pause to the pangs that rumble nonstop, but it will do nothing to correct the underlying void. A malnourished person needs not a treat, not a single meal, but access to long-term sustenance. What is needed, truly needed, by parents, especially the primary parent of complex...
Blog Post
Sex Trafficking Prevention: A Trauma-Informed Approach for Parents and Professionals (Book Resource)
Just a quick post to share this book resource I heard about this morning from Beth Grady . The author is Savannah J. Sanders and here's a bit more about her and this book, from Amazon (where I've just ordered my own copy): Drawing from her own experience being trafficked plus her insights gained from years of advocacy and anti-trafficking work, the author speaks directly not only of the realities of trafficking that occur in our own communities but also the solutions that we can all be a...
Blog Post
Shaming Children So Parents Will Pay the School Lunch Bill [NYTimes.com] & Note
(Cissy's Note: This story is painful to read. Kids at school who are shamed or denied lunch are not going to perform or focus better at school. They will feel shame after lunch and probably worry before as lunch time approaches. And after school have some conflict with parents. It's shame spreading and multiplying but that won't pay the bills. Reading this story gave me the creepy crawly feeling of shame remembering not having money or worrying that I didn't have enough. It made me glad...
Blog Post
Kids Who Suffer Hunger In First Years Lag Behind Their Peers In School (www.npr.org)
It's been a long time since I was in school but I still remember the free breakfast, lunch, snack and milk I got for many years. It made school a place I loved going. Kids can't focus or succeed as well when hungry, which I think most of us know even without a study. But, here's an excerpt from a recent study on how early hunger impacts early education. The new study, published in the latest issue of the journal Child Development , suggests that such early experience of hunger in the family...