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How we think, feel and experience the world in survival mode is not the same as we think, feel and experience it when safe. Even if we know this intellectually we might not know or remember how this feels. I saw this video of Wentworth Miller on my friend's timeline. I guess he's a tv star but that didn't matter to me. It was his words that captured my attention. He talks about growing up in survival mode as a child. It's not just that he shared his own story but how he connects his own...

Elisabeth Corey wrote this essay piece about her mother. It's honest, painful and difficult to read. Many will be able to relate. Our bonds with our parents can be complicated (no matter what our ACE score). But it's even more so when our relationships have been filled with ACEs and the hurt, betrayal, and scars that can accompany them. Once we survive childhood and are not dependent on our parents we may have lots to sort through. Things that are not easy to live with or make sense of. Her...

We often hear that boys need to be toughened up so as not to be sissies. Parent toughness toward babies is celebrated as “not spoiling the baby.” Wrong! These ideas are based on a misunderstanding of how babies develop. Instead, babies rely on tender, responsive care to grow well—with self-control, social skills and concern for others. A review of empirical research just came out by Allan N. Schore , called “ All our sons: The developmental neurobiology and neuroendocrinology of boys at risk...

Note: Hardly anyone talks or speaks out about parenting as a survivor, parenting with ACEs and parenting with PTSD. We are so fortunate to have this space, here, to do so. This essay is fantastic. I remain shocked that with all that is written about and for survivors, and about and for parents, no one has recognized and addressed parents who are survivors. As an advocate for parenting survivors, I am continuously amazed at the response I get when I speak on the topic, by both professionals...

This website aims to provide peer support and to help the mom-blame and mom-shame, particularly faced by those in recovery. They share both 12-step and non-12-step resources . If you know of others and/or resources geared specifically to fathers, please share in the comments. I want you to know that I get you; that you are not alone. I want to encourage you to give yourself the chance to get through whatever you’re going through however you need to, and know that it’s okay to lean on me. I...

It's tough to be a teenager. Hormones kick in, peer pressures escalate and academic expectations loom large. Kids become more aware of their environment in the teen years — down the block and online. The whole mix of changes can increase stress, anxiety and the risk of depression among all teens, research has long shown. But a recent study published in the journal Pediatrics suggests many more teenage girls in the U.S. may be experiencing major depressive episodes at this age than boys. And...

We need to help our kids and teens with mental illness and suicide. We need to ask the questions. We need to talk. “I have found that some parents feel like they’re a failure, if their child says, ‘I’m really depressed.’ ‘Oh, you don’t have anything to be depressed about. I don’t believe that they would say the same thing if a child said, ‘look mom my bone is sticking out.’ They would get them to a hospital, immediately to fix that. And we have to see mental illness the same way,” Ellen...

Note: I adore Linda Sanford. She is also the author of one of my favorite books, Strong at the Broken Places: Overcoming the Trauma of Child Abuse which came out in 1991. So when I heard she was speaking at a local event hosted by The Riverside Trauma Center, about military families I had to go. I had not considered the stress faced by military families, many of who are also parenting with ACEs, as well. “There are five things I want you to know about military families,” said Linda Sanford.

I found a great series of parenting videos today . While they are geared towards helping foster parents communicate, build trust and handle challenging situations - the videos are great for all parents. The advice is kind, wise and sound - especially for those of us Parenting with ACEs. It’s nice to hear about parenting and traumatic stress in relation to working through real-life conflicts and situations. The videos are accessible and show how body language, shaming or the facial...

There is a national challenge to understand child and adult welfare. I have spent my whole life...42 years being trained to advocate and teach healthy dynamics, and for me it was life and death because my ACE score was either going to be a crutch or a gift. My training began in my mother's womb. I started my development out being fed stress chemicals, and fear chemicals, because my mother was surrounded by toxic stress, poor choice behaviors, and a family who did not support her. She is one...

If someone lives through trauma I see that as a success. Not everyone does. But what makes people feel supported, encouraged or able to grow varies enormously. I loved reading about this woman's perspective based on her own experiences. I especially like the way she talks about how painful pity can be and some of my most healing relationships were with people who had compassion for what I'd lived through but who were completely certain that I had as much potential as anyone or saw living...

Note: I saw this story earlier and was thinking of how this gathering or parents and elders happens (or doesn't) on neighborhood steps or at park benches or at coffee hour at church. So much of what we need is each other. Excerpt: While completing his master's in public health, Chibanda was looking for a solution. After speaking with various community leaders and health workers, he figured out that while people were loathe to head to a mental clinic and speak with a lab-coated medical...