I just got this question from a member of our state network, and it is the same question I have had for years:
We have developed many resources to help people use trauma-informed or trauma-responsive policies, practices, and paradigms in their organizations, businesses, schools, etc. Are there user-friendly resources for doing this within one's own personal relationships with people who have been seriously affected by early life adversity?
What my colleague has found, as have I, is that it is much harder to apply when it is one's own sister-in-law, or parent, or intimate partner. As a teacher, you can adjust your attitude to view behavior that results from a student's brain being triggered as beyond their control, and patiently support them to self-regulate and come back to their thinking brain. As a therapist, you can build that into the kind of care you provide for your clients, and with a trauma-informed lens, you don't get mad at your clients for failing to follow through since you recognize this as part of their struggle and process.
But when it's your spouse or partner, and the stakes are much higher for you? When their brain being triggered means they treat you badly, or fail to follow through on a parenting responsibility? It is clearly much harder. These personal relationships are the most primary in people's lives, and so are just as crucial to address as the professional ones.
I have not seen many resources on this topic. Have you? If so, please share.
Thank you,
Laura