Thank you Andrea & Jane, for sharing your opinion. Are you both saying we should empathize with parents to see if a behavior is right for children? Seems to me that empathizing with the young person would tell us more about the experience than examining parental intention.
The lips are the most exposed erogenous zone. Moreover, a larger part of the somatosensory cortex is devoted to the lips than to the genitals. Though parental intention may be innocent, I wonder how stimulating kisses on the lips are to those who have not had the same life experiences as an adult. I wonder if parents kissing children on the lips dulls a child's sensory reception in that region. And I imagine that wholesome and loving intentions are immaterial when the brain registers touch. Attunement modulates touch in a way that is wholesome and loving, and attunement involves registering the needs, states, and development of the Other.
Furthermore, I wonder if it sends the message that kissing on the lips is not a sexual activity shared by partners in the throes of passion, rather that it's a common practice for families, friends, and extended family members. When President Clinton denied having "sex with that woman" in the oval office, middle school students lined up for oral sex with each other, on school yards. The president said it's not sex, so in their minds it was ok... Should we empathize with the president's reasoning/intentions in this situation, to decide if his actions and words were kind to those he loved and shared sexual encounters with? Should we empathize with him to decide if the impact on middle school students is one we support? I think we empathize with those he hurt to decipher the impact of his words and actions, not with him.
Messages sent to young people are influencing them in alarming ways. May I remind us all of the sexual assault and harassment taking place on college campuses as some athletes claim entitlements which are supported by academia. And please also remember the body image concerns, eating disorders, and mood disorders young females struggle with as a result of trying to live up to beauty standards set by corporate advertising which intends to profit, not hurt? Well intended messages and practices still hurt people when empathic failures for Others persist.
Thanks much for thinking with me on this topic. It's a tough one, since many parents practice kissing their children on the lips and don't intend anything afoul.
Lee-Anne