Dear Dr. Gray,
You ask whether a parent kissing a child on the lips can be considered an ACE, under the category of sexual abuse? The same question can be applied to a child sitting on a parent's lap, receiving a back rub, receiving assistance with toileting, co-sleeping, etc.
Any of these situations can be used for sexual gratification by the parent/adult and thus be sexually abusive. That is the litmus test which needs to be applied. Is the parent/adult using the child for sexual gratification or in a sexualized manner? If not than it is not harmful to children.
In fact research tells us that the more physical contact and eye contact children receive, the more healthy brain development occurs in terms of attachment, emotional regulation, executive functioning, immune system, intelligence.
If a child happens to become sexually aroused during bathing, cuddling and other normal family activities, parents need to redirect the child in a non shaming, age appropriate way, because it is part of normal child development.
Andrea Schulz, LCSW