Hi Katie! I love that you asked that question. Speaking from my own personal experiences with trauma,(now an ACE's survivor transformed to thriver) and my professional experience working with women who have a great deal of ACE's in their past and interviewing women who shared their childhood experiences; here is what I know...
* we all want to know that we are heard, seen and that we matter
* the most effective tools we have are A.L.L. that we need: Ask..Listen...Learn.
* hurt, yet stable, people will talk when in a safe and trusting environment. Asking an open ended question, such as "talk to me about trust?" opens the door for a release of secrets and shame that often have never been spoken.
* I encouraged people to write their version of their story out - all of it, every last bit of fear, hurt, anger and powerlessness. I tell them once it's out, we work on learning how to perceive their Story as a Gift and not a Curse. The 2nd step in healing is getting the survivor out of that "victim" mentality. You do this by challenging their perceived powerlessness by allowing them to see a choice always exists - it may not be a great choice, but nonetheless if we have choice, we have power. And by it's definition a victim has neither choice or power. THIS IS A CRUCIAL piece of moving beyond the story of their past.
* In my 25 yrs of having Conversations that Matter with women this is what I have discovered about resiliency...
1. For some people, like myself, it's innate. I don't know why I never gave in but I didn't - I still don't
2. I always thought that "daddy issues" were at the root of a lot of women emotional baggage. What I have discovered is quite the opposite. If a women's mother has her "back" and is always there for her, the woman seems to do better in life. When a mother chooses a man over the daughter, not so much.
3. The other critical piece to resiliency is having at least one adult who is consistently there with encouragement. One adult who believes in the child and tells them that - this doesn't have to be a family member. As an adult, empowering support is needed. ACE's survivors are often lacking in basic life skills and need support in this area.
Hope this helps!
Feel free to contact me if I can be of further assistance. Info@LesliePetersRN.com and/or 610-506-8298.
With gratitude, Leslie