Brenda, I had to do a double take b/c I have actually heard "your" story before. Adult survivors not wanting to attend the funeral of an abuser or a funeral where the abuser will be present. I'm thinking now, it's obvious this scenario would present itself years later in just this setting. And, of course, the family is in so much denial they blame the victim and retraumatize him/her. I remember Ashley Judd saying her sister and mother denied her allegations (hate that word) of CSA. Someone told me they recanted later but I did not see that part of the story. So many times the victim gets retraumatized again by just telling their truth. At the end of 2012, PLOS published an article called: Trauma – The Importance of the Post-Trauma Environment and stated:
"...That the environment just after the event, particularly other people’s responses, may be just as crucial as the event itself."
This puts the onus on bystanders/witnesses who in our society don't take on the responsibility they should (think Penn State). I am reminded of, yet again, another quote by Cynthia Ozick, a writer who has studied the Jewish holocaust:
”Indifference is not so much…choosing to be passive…it is an active disinclination to feel. Indifference shuts down the humane,…does it deliberately, with all the strength deliberateness demands. Indifference is as determined--and as forcefully muscular--as any blow.”