Jim,
This is such a beautiful story. I wonder what it was that allowed you to see the effects of what you were doing with your daughter. For some of us, the light goes on. The sad thing is, boys are more externalizing than girls and so they react to spanking with more acting out behaviors, so it develops a transactional relationship with the parent where the little boy is likely to be spanked again and more often. Your hyperactivity was probably dysregulation. There is quite a growing body of research to show that boys are much more vulnerable to negative effects of spanking genetically and environmentally. They externalize more and they have more genetic sensitivity to developing anti-social behaviors. It is ironic that our culture condones hitting boys much more than girls, and yet boys are probably at greater risk for harm.