Hi Monica:
It's a good question.
When trauma has been an environment and not only an "event" it feels super familiar and living a life that not filled with trauma, symptoms of stress, and the ways we cope can be a challenge I have a friend with an ACE score of 10 who says, "I can't do calm," and we talk about how sometimes we create/recreate/perpetuate drama/trauma/coping because it's habit.
It's not like we are WANTING more trauma but learning how to be calm, and what that's like for other people, and how to be safe, out of danger, and having more boundaries can be a start. Trauma can feel so familiar and habitual. And, if we're in trauma in the present, meaning actual danger as well as not feeling safe, getting safe is the priority but sometimes it starts with having language, images and examples of what that maybe looks like depending on where the person is at.
If we had lots of trauma in childhood we never call it that. We call it life or childhood and learning that it's not the norm or way or routine is sometimes the start. Even a discussion about this very thing might be illuminating for people. I know for me, when I first learned about trauma I was like, "That's trauma? And that's trauma? And that's trauma, too?" Because that certainly wasn't the word I used.
Thanks for sharing this question!!! And what did you say?
Cissy