The problem you discuss is not new. One of the critiques of 1930's era progressivism (think FDR New Deal) was that it tended to be a top-down system which imposed white, middle-class values and solutions upon populations whose values were often different and for whom those solutions were not ideal. That said, one should not throw out the baby with the bathwater. Changing social attitudes is a slow process, and if you can't convince the folks who are partly on your side, how do you expect to win over those opposed to the idea?
For a few decades, I've worked in the field of HIV services which has also had a vigorous, ongoing discussion about the differences between the needs of affected community members and the perceptions of the service providers. It has been noisy, boisterous, and occasionally more heated than illuminating. However, in the long run, I believe I was moved and persuaded and changed. While thinking that we were only talking about health, we were in fact promulgating notions of what we felt was "normal" or "socially acceptable." Following the facts and questioning your beliefs is a lesson we all need to learn at some point.
Coalitions are not perfect. I've quit several tedious and annoying coalitions myself. But I have also enjoyed others, because they provided emotional support, a sense of belonging and in some cases, made some progress.