Miriam,
You are very brave and you are such a brilliant and gifted writer. I have loved reading your posts to PACEs Connection.
I commend you for asking for help. It is a challenging journey to find out more about one’s trauma, and to go further on the path to healing. I didn’t realize the extent of my developmental trauma — heck, I didn’t even know what developmental trauma was! — until I was 60 years old. There was some intense grief around those discoveries. There were a lot of “aha!” moments. And there were a lot of tears. The recovery tools we talk about, experts talk about: good rest, support, good food, community, spiritual support, journaling, finding some healthy hobbies, exercise, spending time in nature — they all helped. Time helped. Being vulnerable and telling the truth about how some of the behaviors that helped as a baby and as a child — disassociating being one of the most reliable — hurt me as an adult. Moving quickly and staying in my head helped for years, but was not the way I wanted to live the rest of my life. Burying myself in work was a great fix for decades, but would not serve me and give me the kinds of relationships I wanted. So I had to go backward a bit to go forward. It was worth it. It is worth it.
Please keep sharing your beautiful writing. It will help. Knowing your words help others is a therapy in and of itself.
I hope you receive the funding you need.
i will help share the word and make a small gift.
Please share one of your favorite posts in your appeal? I believe it will be uplifting.
Peace and I wish you well.
Carey