Hi Jane,
I'm glad you brought this up as a forum topic. You're right; the word "abuse" is very loaded. As well as the criminal implications, many people do not want to identify themselves as having been abused; they feel ashamed by their caregiver's poor treatment of them. Shame has been shown to have a protective factor as well. When kids keep silent about the abuse, their abuser is less likely to incite further harm. Children often feel the abuse is their fault, which also keeps them silent in shame. Furthermore, many kids who are abused still love their parents and want to protect them. Keeping silent about abuse is one of the hardest habits to break, no matter how old a person is. Shame is thus very powerful in keeping the inter-generational transmission of ACEs going!
Perhaps it would help to make distinctions between different adverse childhood experiences based on best practices for treatment. I am currently training in sensorimotor psychotherapy, and we work with trauma based on the long-term impact on both psyche and soma. (For more information about sensorimotor psychotherapy, visit: http://www.sensorimotorpsychotherapy.org/home/index.html) Sensorimotor psychotherapy (and I suspect other modalities) identifies three types of "trauma-related tendencies," which are determined by what originally caused the trauma-related stress and defenses:
1) Trauma-related tendencies that result from overwhelming experiences (Big "T" traumas);
2) Maladaptive attachment-related tendencies, which result from such experiences as the non-abuse ACEs that involve early caregivers who caused emotional distress; and
3) Relational trauma, which results from having a dangerous caregiver (one who abuses) or even a "frightened" caregiver, such as a mother who is a victim of intimate partner violence.
I think this categorization can potentially lessen defensiveness and shame, since the focus is on the the body's natural defense responses and the importance of early attachment relationships for a healthy mind and body. I think it could be a valuable schema for educating the public and parents on the causal relationship between ACEs and later life health problems in a way that is less focused on blame and more driven by identifying the conditions a growing infant and child needs in order to thrive. I have found with this schema there is less need to bring in moral judgment and more opportunities to educate about best practices for raising children.