Dear Russel:
Great question. I was recently asked if I had done a lot of personal work BEFORE learning about ACEs and how I might have responded if I had not. I am not sure of the answer to that because I've only found info. about ACEs to be validating. However, your question makes me think about what age or stage or life has to do with ACEs and disclosure.
I was not public and comfortable sharing, in writing, until my 40's and at almost 50 can only speak about it now and not always easily or comfortable. Writing is much easier. I am not worried, at this age and stage about losing a job or a friend or a date. But that wasn't always true.
It depends on who is talking and how it is being talked about. That has a lot to do with if or how much I will share as well and that's about the dynamic, environment and who I'm with. I personally believe it has a lot to do with approach and ease. If people are saying "We with ACEs" vs. "You with ACEs." that's going to have a HUGE impact on if, how much and whether I share.
It matters if I trust who is asking and if I think they have any info. that makes risking disclosure and maybe getting a lousy response worth it.
I do think some ACEs have more stigma, like you said, sexual abuse is certainly one that has lots. For me, witnessing domestic violence and parental abandonment are also harder to me to share and disclose, even now, than say divorce or neglect or physical abuse that happened at older ages. It is not because any are mroe serious than others just because of lots of cultural messages about what's too private, too much and the stigma associated with being a victim of certain things vs. others.
Silence and shame that come from others as well as my own self. And that even can vary depending on context and environment and peers.
When I worked at a shelter for homeless families, and lots of the household members had fathers who abandoned, it wasn't shameful. My father was homeless and these families were homeless. Homelessness touched us all on some level though not identical.
However, with the staff, I did not talk of my father. It didn't seem wise or appropriate plus I didn't think they'd get it as they didn't share the experience.
It didn't seem like a "pro" but certainly something to hide or at least not acknowledge.
That wsa the same environment just with different people at different income and class levels. We all might have had experience with some ACEs but we did not all have similar backgrounds and that did impact how much was shared and where. At least for me.
Good question.
Cissy