The statistics are gut-wrenching: 1 in 4 Orange County teens is in an abusive dating relationship, according to Laura’s House in Orange County, which provides shelter, counseling and legal services to victims of domestic violence.
But what’s more startling is that most of the teens in these relationships don’t know they are victims of abuse.
Dating violence begins slowly, with jealousy and controlling behavior. Then the aggressor isolates the teen from friends and family. These feelings and actions are red flags that can escalate to verbal and physical threats, putdowns, cyber-bullying, emotional manipulation and physical violence.
“A teen can get confused and think that jealousy is a sign of ‘endearing love,’ ” said Jennifer Ponce, a prevention education specialist at Laura’s House.
“But if the dating partner demands to go through the other partner’s phone or won’t let him/her spend time with friends, that’s not love,” she said. “That’s control.”
“There is also a stigma for teens,” said Ponce, who is a survivor of dating violence. “They are scared to reach out to get help or don’t realize that what is happening to them is violent.”
“But the No. 1 thing that parents can do to prevent dating violence is to recognize red flags and begin having open communication,” Ponce said.
She also suggests starting early. “Recent studies are telling us that as many as 75 percent of 12-year-olds have been in some kind of dating relationship,” Ponce said. “We need to talk to these kids before they start dating.”
To accomplish this, Laura’s House conducts outreach in schools across Orange County, giving teens and younger kids tools to recognize relationship red flags and get help.
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