Tagged With "Parenting students"
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The Relentless School Nurse: The Text Message No Parent Wants to Get - An Active Shooter is at School
Many blog readers know that my niece Carly is a survivor of the Parkland shootings at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. You may know that my father also survived a mass murder, and like Carly, hid in a closet until the police arrived. Almost 70 years separated the two tragedies. Our guest blogger this week is my sister Merri, Carly's mom. Merri shares her first-hand account of what happened the afternoon of February 14, 2018, when Carly sent this text, “Mom don’t freak out but we are on...
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The Rise of the Trauma-Informed Mothers
The next generation is less likely to wear predisposed shackles of trauma because as trauma-informed parents we are re-wiring the traumatically stressed DNA that was passed down to us.
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The Teenagers of Rikers Island [TheAtlantic.com]
In Tim Lisante’s first year as an assistant principal at a school for youth on the prison complex Rikers Island 30 years ago, he met a student with four strikes against her. She had a learning disability, substance abuse problem, no permanent home in the city—and she was pregnant. Some might have seen a lost cause. Lisante saw a student in crisis. Three decades later, Lisante is the superintendent of New York City’s District 79, which consists of over 14,000 students who have fallen behind...
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How to Connect with a Child After Trauma
Are you struggling to help a child who has been through hard times? Does the child seem unreachable, unmanageable, and unwilling to try? Are you at your at the end of your rope with explosive behavior? If so, I have a concept to share with you that might help the two of you connect and increase positive interactions within your family or classroom. I want to start by saying that it can be incredibly frustrating and anxiety-provoking to witness a child who is suffering emotionally without the...
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How to Give Your Kids What You Never Had
As child abuse survivors, we work really hard to do the best we can with our children. We want them to have what we didn’t. So we try to create a healthy, nourishing environment to help our kids grow and thrive in the best way possible. But after working all day, sometimes there isn’t much left of us for our children. That used to bother me a lot. I felt like I wasn’t giving my kids 100% of what they needed from me. Finally, I realized I was trying to give them what “I” felt they needed, not...
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How to Parent CALMLY (and Raise Happier Kids) When You Have Childhood PTSD
So many readers have written to me sharing their worries -- and their success stories -- around raising happy, healthy children despite having their own PTSD from childhood. The fear that we'll hurt the kids can hold us back from setting limits, yet losing control of kids' behavior can escalate discipline into a recipe for nervous system dysregulation and emotional overwhelm. In this video I talk about my worst parenting mistake, and how I.... ( Read More and watch the video at the Crappy...
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I’m Sick of Asking Children to Be Resilient [nytimes.com]
FLINT, Mich. — A baby born in Flint, Mich., where I am a pediatrician, is likely to live almost 20 fewer years than a child born elsewhere in the same county. She’s a baby like any other, with wide eyes, a growing brain and a vast, bottomless innocence — too innocent to understand the injustices that without her knowing or choosing have put her at risk. Some of the babies I care for have the bad luck to be born into neighborhoods where life expectancy is just over 64 years. Only a few miles...
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Imagine living inside a box buried inside a box buried inside a box...
That's how Dr. Kent Hoffman, Co-Originator of Circle of Security International began his comments about this incredible new resource for parents! See his full statement below. A short six years ago, ChildWise Institute was founded by Intermountain , a nationally-recognized organization specializing in helping and healing children from emotional and mental health disorders. Intermountain are also experts in helping families of distressed children create a nurturing environment of stability...
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Immigrant teens, parents explore ACEs, resilience in 5-week course with family doc
Dr. Angela Bymaster, a family doctor in San Jose, Calif., was determined to find a way to teach ACEs science to her patients. Teens would come to the Washington Neighborhood Clinic clearly depressed by a range of problems at home that were contributing to risky sexual behavior and marijuana use, as well as preventable health problems like extreme obesity.
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Infants and Toddlers Need Strong Parents [clasp.org]
Parents play the most active and significant role in their baby’s healthy development. Young children learn and grow in strong families where parents are able to successfully face the challenge of nurturing their children. During the first three years of life, experiences are shaping a child’s brain and providing the foundation for later development. Parenting support services, which range from informational resources to more intensive interventions, can help improve parenting skills,...
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Intermountain Video Podcast: How Kids Navigate a Pandemic
Meegan Bryce, MSW, began her work at Intermountain with children and families as a Direct Care Counselor in 2004. She has since been a Cottage Supervisor, Child and Family Therapist, the Residential Manager and now serves as the Residential Director. Meegan is a Montana native and enjoys all the outdoor activities that Montana has to offer, especially river rafting. In this video podcast, she speaks with Development Officer Tyler Zimmer about how the Covid-19 pandemic is affecting the...
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Introducing myself: Cissy White, parent with ACEs who’s parenting with ACEs (and who’s the Parenting with ACEs group's new group manager!)
I learned about the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study and 10- questionnaire survey only two years ago, and it’s fair to say I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. I’m a mother, a trauma survivor, an activist and a writer. For years, I’ve written personal essays , profile pieces and a few research-style papers about post-traumatic stress disorder, developmental trauma and interpersonal violence. Yet, something was missing. In my own recovery, I’d often say, in therapy and to friends and lovers,...
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Introducing NEW Becoming Trauma-Informed & Beyond Community
Earlier this year @Dawn Daum wrote to us when she was ready to share ACEs science with people in the organization she works in to make a case for moving towards more trauma-informed care for the benefit of the staff and those they serve. She was frustrated because almost all the training and resources she found were geared towards schools, clinical staff or to organizations working with children and families rather than ACE-impacted adults in the workplace and who are...
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Introducing the Full Potential Parenting Podcast!
I'm excited to announce that The Full Potential Parenting Podcast is here! This podcast features short (6-12 min.) segments with stress release techniques that work, offers book reviews of books that have been transformational, informative, or inspiring, introduces concepts critical to any parent of a child who is experiencing big (and confusing) emotions and behaviors, and provides insights about non-pharma approaches to healing. The first few episodes are now available on iTunes here:...
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Is the Drive for Success Making Our Children Sick? [nytimes.com]
We think of this as a problem only of the urban and suburban elite, but in traveling the country to report on this issue, I have seen that this stress has a powerful effect on children across the socioeconomic spectrum... Working together, parents, educators and students can make small but important changes: instituting everyday homework limits and weekend and holiday homework bans, adding advisory periods for student support and providing students opportunities to show their growth in...
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Is your school a buffer zone against toxic stress?
The challenge of the fast pace and the strain of living in the 21 st century is the chronic stress of keeping up with volume of information, expectations and adverse experiences that leads to stressors of daily living. Adults have become good at adjusting to and compartmentalizing these stressors. Children and adolescents however are struggling to keep up and are in fact caving under the weight of the stresses. In addition, many children lack adequate nurturing and supports needed to give...
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When Will the Internet Be Safe for Women (Atlantic.com)
*Note: I'm posting this to the Parenting with ACEs site because so many of us have daughters who face this and the responses, often, by authorities are so poor. While some of us may not want or need to be on social media in our personal or professional lives, many choose to be and/or need to be and should be able to exercise the right with safety. This is another cyber safety issue but not one addressed early or often enough. At minimum this can help better educate all of us so we can better...
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When Your Child Is Your PTSD Trigger
One-third of children experience childhood abuse, and yet the question is never asked: what happens when those children grow up and have families of their own?
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Why Icelandic Dads Take Parental Leave and Japanese Dads Don't [theatlantic.com]
By Joe Pinsker, The Atlantic, January 23, 2020 Earlier this month, the 38-year-old Japanese environment minister, Shinjiro Koizumi, did something that would not make national, or even local, news in many industrialized countries: A couple of days before the birth of his and his wife’s first child, he said he planned to take time off from work to care for the baby. Koizumi’s planned leave is meager—he expects to take about two weeks off over the course of three months, and might still work...
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Why Intentionally Building Empathy Is More Important Now Than Ever (kqed.org)
Those in helping professions like teaching, social work, or medicine can buffer themselves from burnout and “compassion fatigue” with self-care strategies, including meditation and social support . A study of nurses in acute mental health settings found staff support groups helped buffer the nurses, but only if they were structured to minimize negative communication and focused on talking about challenges in constructive ways. English Professor Cris Beam also studies empathy and wrote a book...
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Why Kids With ACEs Shouldn't Get a Pass on Chores
Don't worry that chores are too stressful for kids with ACEs, says trauma researcher Bob Sege, MD. “You don’t want to coddle them,” Sege said, “because the message they will get is that they are damaged goods. They need to know that the adversity they suffered is only one part of them; it’s not all of them.”
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Why Mandating Mental Health Education in Schools is a Band-Aid on a Gaping Wound
Don’t get me wrong: of course I care deeply about the mental and physical health of children, including my own son’s. I don’t want students to suffer in silence and shame. But I am very concerned about just how this topic will be taught in schools.
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Why talking — and listening — to your child could be key to brain development (hechingerreport.org)
More than 20 years ago, psychologists Betty Hart and Todd Risley discovered what they called the “ 30 million word gap .” Through family visits, they estimated that children under 4 from lower-income families heard a staggering 30 million fewer words than children from higher-income families. That study was embraced by Hillary Clinton and it spurred a White House conference on the topic, public service announcement campaigns, and the creation of at least two outreach organizations. The clear...
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Writing to Heal, Yoga to Feel & Survivor-Led Resources Online
I love yoga and writing. I need yoga and writing. Both are relatively affordable and can be done alone and at home or in community. Both have been central to my survival, recovery and growth which I write about below. I also love sharing and supporting survivor-led resources created for survivors and others. Here are two links to those if you want to get to those right away. There are more details about each following the essay: Write Your Story, Heal Your Life Summit: Alaura O'Dell...
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Young Parents Speak Out: Barriers, Bias, and Broken Systems [aecf.org]
By National Crittenton and Katcher Consulting, Annie E. Casey Foundation, March 2020 Founded in 1883 as a social justice advocacy organization, National Crittenton has been dedicated to the needs and potential of girls, young women and women facing violence, poverty and injustice across the country for more than a century. Additionally, National Crittenton convenes the 26 Yet, systems have turned a blind eye to the ways in which the “safety net” designed for adults is a “trap” for young...
Ask the Community
ACES/Resilience Surveys w/Parents
Hello all, I work at an Early Learning Center and we will be presenting on ACES and Resilience to the parents of preschoolers. One of the aspects we have debated is when to offer them the ACES and Resilience surveys. However, after reading https://www.acesconnection.com/blog/putting-resilience-and-resilience-surveys-under-the-microscope I am wondering what purpose it would ultimately serve (and what unintended consequences it may have) to give parents the surveys. It would be optional, and...
Ask the Community
Books to Support Parenting with ACEs?
Let's create a list of resources useful for parenting ourselves and children. These can be books about child development or self-help books or a work of fiction that had important wisdom. If there's a title that's helped you or someone you know, love or work with as it relates to parenting, please share. For me, my absolute favorite is this: There's Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate , Cheri Huber This book is not about parenting. It's not about how-to parent I should say but it...
Ask the Community
Can Trauma-Informed Mermaids Help Children & Families? (New Kids Book Series)
Dear Parenting with ACEs Community, We just launched a new trauma-informed children's book series called Venus and Her Fly Trip . The series has been developed in collaboration with therapists, educators, parents and healers and is designed to promote mental/social/emotional health, body positivity and imaginative play in kids 4-10 , with the ultimate goal of preventing self-hatred. I would greatly value hearing the feedback of the ACEs community on this endeavor, and welcome your ideas for...
Ask the Community
Help our public radio station with our reporting: How did separation from your parents as a child impact you?
KQED is the NPR-affiliate public radio station based in San Francisco, CA. We’d like to hear from adults (18+) who were separated from their parents when they were children. Perhaps the separation was due to economic reasons, war and conflict, incarceration, foster care, or something else. How did that period of separation impact you in the long-run? How did it impact you as a parent? We’re interested in this topic due to recent news of parents and children being separated at the U.S.-Mexico...
Ask the Community
If You Provide Parent-Education/Counseling Services, I Want to Hear From You!!
I would like to talk to and hear from parent educators. If you teach parenting classes, incorporate parenting skills as part of the service you provide, or work to improve the lives of parenting survivors of childhood abuse in other ways, I need to hear from you. I'm hoping to find a provider interesting in writing an essay to be included in the soon to be released second edition of the Trigger Points Anthology , which will include the title change to Parenting with PTSD. I'm looking to gain...
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New Member offering resources and training to parents of ACEs kids
Hi everyone! So glad to have found you all. (I'm still learning my way around so apologies if I've posted this in a few places.) I'm Alison Morris, single adoptive mother to a child with early developmental trauma whose ACEs score is sadly quite high. Even more sad is that I think my own parenting may have added a check or two since I had no idea what was going on for quite a while, and even when I did I found it SO hard to parent in a trauma-informed (connection- and relationship-based)...
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New Resource - Pre-Father Care: Prenatal Care for Fathers
Hello! I am writing to share a wonderful new resource from the Vital Village Network’s friend and partner, Charles C. Daniels, Jr. Charles is the Founder and CEO of Fathers’ Uplift, which works to assist fathers in overcoming barriers (financial barriers, addiction barriers, oppressive barriers, emotional barriers and traumatic barriers) that prevent them from remaining engaged in their children’s lives. Charles’s book “Pre-Father Care: Prenatal Care for Fathers” is now available for...
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New Toolkit Issued to Help Providers Measure Trauma With ACES Survey [youthtoday.org]
A new toolkit is out that aims to help services providers give a survey about traumatic childhood experiences that are linked to negative effects on health and well-being. The toolkit, developed by The National Crittenton Foundation , offers recommendations about the Adverse Childhood Experiences survey, including how to talk to children and parents about the survey, track results and use the data for public education and policy advocacy. The toolkit also includes a sample protocol, case...
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Nurturing Children During Times of Stress: A Guide to Help Children Bloom by Yolo CAPC and YCCA
The Yolo County Child Abuse Prevention Council (CAPC) and Yolo County Children’s Alliance (YCCA) are excited to share Nurturing Children During Times of Stress: A Guide to Help Children Bloom. This guide for parents and caregivers, which we are launching during Child Abuse Prevention Month, contains tips and resources that parents and caregivers can use to promote resilience in their children and themselves. Nurturing Children During Times of Stress explains the effects of intense stress or...
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Parent with ACEs: Is it Time to Change Your Parenting Playbook [sfbayview.com]
By Diana Hembree, San Francisco Bay View, February 1, 2020 If you experienced severe hardship as a child, are you more likely to have children with behavior or mental health problems? The short answer is yes. A recent UCLA study shows that the children of parents with four or more Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), such as abuse or neglect, are twice as likely to develop ADHD, which makes it more likely children will become hyperactive and unable to pay attention or control their...
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Parental Depression Forecasts Kids' Later Physical Health [news.uga.edu]
By Allyson Mann, University of Georgia Today, October 24, 2019 When parents suffer from depression, kids may be at risk for physical health problems in young adulthood, according to a study from researchers including the University of Georgia’s Katherine Ehrlich. The results revealed an association between parental depression and youth metabolic syndrome—a condition that forecasts substantially increased risk for cardiovascular disease and diabetes. “The good news is that while parental...
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Parentification: Growing Up Too Soon
“ We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end. How to take the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth and beauty - that is the test of living.” Joseph Fort Newton This week in the childhood trauma education series, I will tackle parentification . I discovered so much while researching this topic that explains a lot for me. Have you heard...
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Parentification: Growing Up Too Soon
“ We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us - how we can take it, what we do with it - and that is what really counts in the end. How to take the raw stuff of life and make it a thing of worth and beauty - that is the test of living.” Joseph Fort Newton This week in the childhood trauma education series, I will tackle parentification . I discovered so much while researching this topic that explains a lot for me. Have you heard...
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Parenting as a Survivor Keynote to Follow Free Resilience Screening
I share my story of having an ACE score of 9 and how that has effected me as a mother, because I can make sense of it now. I want other parenting survivors, and those that provide education and support services to them to be able to do the same.
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Parenting, COVID and Teens: The Hassle
It all started for me about two weeks ago. Even though I heard about Coronavirus here and there, it was just a distant conversation happening on the background for me. Until one day, I got home from work, and my husband said we had to start stocking up for the crisis . "Crisis? Which crisis?", I asked. "The outbreak! It is serious. My company is preparing us to work from home for at least four weeks". "Get out of here," I thought. He is known for being anxious and controlling, so I scratched...
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PARENTING GUIDES: Please share to support parents
During this challenging time, parents need more resources than ever. Please let parents know about the following guides from the Yolo County Children's Alliance and the Yolo Child Abuse Prevention Council. All guides are available at www.yolokids.org/forfamilies , and I have attached a summary of the guides if you would prefer to share that. Please note that we will be releasing our positive discipline guide on 4/1/20 ( Handling Your Child's Challenging Behaviors at Every Age ). The guides...
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Parenting in a Pandemic [medium.com]
By Damon Korb, Medium, March 16, 2020 It is a well-known fact that children thrive when there are routines. This time of year most children wake up, get dressed, eat their breakfast, head off to school where they move from class to class, come home and have a snack, do some homework, have some free time or participate in an afterschool activity, eat dinner, and then get ready for bed. The daily life for most children is pretty mapped out and organized. But, as children suddenly need to stay...
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Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8 (The National Academies Press 2016)
A study published by The National Academies of Sciences in 2016 resulting in 10 Recommendations to build support for parents... "Over the past several decades, researchers have identified parenting- related knowledge, attitudes, and practices that are associated with improved developmental outcomes for children and around which parenting- related programs, policies, and messaging initiatives can be designed. However, consensus is lacking on the elements of parenting that are most important...
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Parenting’s Troubled History
As we learned from the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study , negative childhood experiences are often kept secret, downplayed, or repressed because of our powerful desire to put such things behind us. Unfortunately, our minds and our brains don’t work that way. Patterns can play out automatically, no matter how hard we try to be original and create our own realities. Just as it is important to know family medical history (e.g., diabetes or tuberculosis) it is equally important to know about our...
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Parenting Weekend Intensive
Our Ten Week Curriculum in Two Days!! Echo encourages all parents to come and be part of our community at the Saturday parenting classes in Echo Park. For those who live too far away or have other barriers to attending the 10-week series, we are offering our trauma-informed, nonviolent parenting class series over one weekend. In the 12-hour intensive you’ll experience an approach to raising children that is based on the latest research about brain and child development, as well as the...
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Parenting With ACEs: How You Can Support Your Toddler [sfbayview.com]
By Diana Hembree, San Francisco Bay View, November 11, 2019 “My 2-year-old keeps falling down when he tries to walk.” “My son is almost 24 months old, but all he can say is ‘mama’ and dada.’” “She just turned 2, and she still can’t follow the simplest instructions.” When your toddler misses a developmental milestone, like taking her first steps by age 2, it’s natural to fret. After all, in very rare cases, such delays may be a sign of an underlying condition. But a recent study suggests that...
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Parenting with PTSD Workshop: Getting to the Source of the Cycle
It took aging in to a very restless soul before I went looking for and found others like me ; women convinced they were “over” or “through” the ripple effects of childhood abuse, only to be blindsided by flashbacks, panic attacks and dangerous levels of hopelessness after becoming mothers. What I discovered and now aim to help others understand is how absolutely normal it is for a parenting survivor of childhood trauma to be triggered by her own child, and by doing basic acts of parenting...
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Parents worrying about coronavirus' toll on children's learning survey finds [edsource.org]
By John Fensterwald, EdSource, April 23, 2020 Buffeted by the coronavirus’ impact on their lives and on schools, Californians expressed worry about the spread of the pandemic and their personal finances, and parents in particular said they were concerned about school closures’ impact on their children’s ability to learn. But in an annual voter survey by the Public Policy Institute of California , they also gave high marks to Gov. Gavin Newsom’s handling of K-12 education and to their school...
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Paying Attention as the Most Exhausting Part of Parenting with ACEs
I used to sneak away for a hot bath as often as possible when my daughter was in the need-me-every-minute years. I'd soak long past when the water went cold and I felt guilty at times but sometimes I needed to be alone. To read poetry. To have some physical space. To exhale. I didn't always know where or how to pamper or self-care myself. There were few adults I trusted. I believed in attachment-style parenting and wanted to be there all of the time. And that even made me feel guilty when I...