Tagged With "Working mothers"
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Mothers in Prison (www.nytimes.com)
Though the language of ACEs aren't used in this piece, so much of it is about parenting with ACEs. For the parents who are in prison, as adults and the children they once were as well as the impact being in prison has on their children. E xcerpt 1: TULSA, Okla. — The women’s wing of the jail here exhales sadness. The inmates, wearing identical orange uniforms, ache as they undergo withdrawal from drugs, as they eye one another suspiciously, and as they while away the days stripped of...
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Mothers Who Leave Their Children (www.lithub.com) & Commentary
There are times I can't talk. It might be after I read something or hear something or watch the news. I'm rarely triggered by honesty, writing or memoir. I'm triggered by smells, nightfall and feeling trapped. Truth, even what is called "ugly truth," to me, when told, is always a window opening letting the air move. Sometimes, I don't realize I'm clenched in my body or my life and holding tight to a secret or memory or belief. It's when I read a piece like this and feel a nod of knowing, not...
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The Developing Brain & Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
Thanks to an explosion in scientific research now possible with imaging technologies, such as fMRI and SPECT, experts can actually see how the brain develops. This helps explain why exposure to adverse childhood experiences can so deeply influence and change a child's brain and thus their physical and emotional health and quality of life across their lifetime. The above time-lapse study was conducted over 10 years. The darker colors represent brain maturity (brain development). I have added...
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The Evolutionary Importance of Grandmothers (upliftconnect.com)
As other primates have only one child they are responsible for at any one time, the mother can dedicate her whole attention to that baby. However, humans often have multiple children. With many mums juggling crying babies, toddlers throwing tantrums, and hungry children all at once, help is sometimes necessary to keep family life running smoothly. Traditionally grandmothers, with their wisdom and parenting experience, have stepped up to this role and provided attention to older children...
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The "F" Words: Fear & Forgiveness
“If your parent is the bear in the living room, it is biologically impossible to run to that parent when they are either over or under reacting. If your parent is scary you can’t run to them. And you also can’t run away from them because you are a child, you can’t function in the world on your own. You can’t make it out there." Donna Jackson Nakazawa We can get so lost in theory, data and facts that our language about trauma, abuse and adverse childhood experiences can become clinical and...
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The First Five Years Matters: Quality of Early Relationships determines Lifelong Health
Quality of Early Relationships determines Lifelong Health The first relationship—usually this is between the mother and her infant—has an enduring impact on all later stages of human development. This relationship which occurs has been described by Bowlby’s attachment theory, which at its core, is about how the mother helps the infant regulate emotion. The mother-infant attachment communications are essential because they directly affect the development of the brain. Dr. Allan Schore, the...
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The Hardest Job [TheAtlantic.com]
Could you raise four children in a homeless shelter without spanking? BALTIMORE—On a typical morning, the first to wake is 6-month-old Nathaniel. He doesn’t always sleep through the night, so by the time his mother, Cierra Thomas, sits up in the twin bed she shares with her husband, Tony Gardner, she’s already dreading the day. “I’m mad that I woke up here,” she says. “Here” is the Gardner family’s room in a 135-bed shelter for homeless...
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The Hardest Part of Parenting While Post-Traumatically Stressed...
I asked parents on my Heal Write Now Facebook page for some feedback before my last talk on Parenting with PTSD. Here are some of the responses parent shared. “When I first became a parent I didn't understand that not all parents reacted or were triggered the way I was. For example, all parents go through lack of sleep but for me it brought up physical and emotional memories of the years of night terrors I suffered. It took me awhile to figure that out on my own.” Karen P. “The hardest part...
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The Healing Place Podcast - Kelly McDaniel: Mother Hunger & Early Attachment Injuries
In her practice, Kelly McDaniel, LPC, NCC, CSAT, author and psychotherapist, offers Individual Intensives for women living with the generational legacy of Mother Hunger. Kelly works carefully and confidentially with clients as they navigate the tender, primitive wound that comes from an early broken heart.
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The Holidays Can Be Hard
The holidays can be hard for many of us parenting with ACEs. This time last year I found out my estranged father died. It was such a relief. For months, I kept thinking, "I love having a dead Dad." And I know it's not a thought most people have had. But for my whole life I carried my father's life like a question I could not answer. Even though I had not seen him regularly, for decades, I never stopped wondering about his life, his absence and his own childhood. We never stop being related...
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The implicit bias of, “Mental Illness” and “mentally ill”, a lexicon of hurt.
How can we heal from the implicit bias of “ Mental Illness ” and “ mentally ill ”? I hear these words and it sounds like fingernails scraping down the chalkboard. “ The stain of dehumanization colors the mind, body and spirit and it is not so easily washed away.” - Michael Skinner Recently I read a blog post at the ACEsConnection website, “Erasing My ACES” by Sirena Wheeler. It was posted on April, 19, 2020. It struck a chord with me, many in fact and it put me on a spiral down memory lane.
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The implicit bias of, “Mental Illness” and “mentally ill”, a lexicon of hurt.
How can we heal from the implicit bias of “ Mental Illness ” and “ mentally ill ”? I hear these words and it sounds like fingernails scraping down the chalkboard. “ The stain of dehumanization colors the mind, body and spirit and it is not so easily washed away.” - Michael Skinner Recently I read a blog post at the ACEsConnection website, “Erasing My ACES” by Sirena Wheeler. It was posted on April, 19, 2020. It struck a chord with me, many in fact and it put me on a spiral down memory lane.
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The Importance of Hide-and-Seek [NYTimes.com]
Ive found myself wondering lately which of my patients were lucky enough as children to play hide-and-seek with their parents. When its played as its meant to be, its such a delightful game. Kids ask to play it, though,...
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The Importance of Positive Emotional Communication Starting From Infancy
“Why do some children become sad, withdrawn, insecure, or angry, whereas others become happy, curious, affectionate, and self-confident?” It has something to do with emotions and emotional communication.
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The Key To Good Enough Parenting - Repair The Rupture
Good enough parenting is about repairing relationship ruptures with your child. Reach out, discuss, reconnect - repair the rupture to avoid later problems
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The Last Person You’d Expect to Die in Childbirth [ProPublica.org]
A S A NEONATAL INTENSIVE CARE NURSE, Lauren Bloomstein had been taking care of other people’s babies for years. Finally, at 33, she was expecting one of her own. The prospect of becoming a mother made her giddy, her husband Larry recalled recently — “the happiest and most alive I’d ever seen her.” When Lauren was 13, her own mother had died of a massive heart attack. Lauren had lived with her older brother for a while, then with a neighbor in Hazlet, New Jersey, who was like a surrogate mom,...
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The Legacy of Untreated Secondhand Drinking-Related ACEs
I am the child of an alcoholic. My mom didn’t stop drinking until age 79. She died at 84. There was no warning, no lingering illness. She died two days after an unsuccessful emergency surgery. But we had five years during which she did not drink, after forty-five years during which she did. You see, my mom knew she had a drinking problem. So did we, the rest of her family. There were times when she fought mightily to stop or control it. There were times when the rest of us fought mightily to...
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The Mother that Never Was (www.beatingtrauma.com) & Commentary
Elisabeth Corey wrote this essay piece about her mother. It's honest, painful and difficult to read. Many will be able to relate. Our bonds with our parents can be complicated (no matter what our ACE score). But it's even more so when our relationships have been filled with ACEs and the hurt, betrayal, and scars that can accompany them. Once we survive childhood and are not dependent on our parents we may have lots to sort through. Things that are not easy to live with or make sense of. Her...
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The Nurtured Parent Revolution: Transforming Trauma through Love, Healing, and Social Justice Activism
Many family courts across the nation routinely fail the most vulnerable in our society: mothers and their children in crisis seeking a life free from abuse. In 2012, the U.S. Department of Justice released the Saunders Report , a study that found the standard and required domestic violence training received by judges, lawyers, and custody evaluators, does not adequately prepare them to handle abuse cases. Inadequately trained professionals tend to believe the myth that mothers frequently...
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The Power of Beliefs: What Babies Are Telling Us
Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology (PPN) oriented therapies have developed ways to identify and help babies, children, and families heal difficult early experiences and transform them into more life-enhancing experiences of being in the world. PPN-oriented therapeutic play is an effective way to do this and can be done in the office with a PPN professional and also at home with parents perceiving and engaging their children with this purpose in mind.
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The Powerful Role of Parents in Tackling Bullying
Parents also have the power to prevent bullying by changing family dynamics. They may not know it, and they may not know how to do it.
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The Problem with ACEs Implementation
The Adverse Childhood Experiences study was ground-breaking in its recognition that childhood trauma impacts individuals across their lifespan. This was the big take-away, that adults are living with unrecognized and thus untreated physical, mental and emotional consequences that have massive detrimental impacts on their quality (and quantity) of life. And yet, when we see the research and programming that has been implemented following the ACE study, the consensus seems to be that the...
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The Quality of Intimate Relationships in Indian Country
As a research topic, Intimate Relationships are not well understood in Indian Country. This article, [ LINK HERE ] soon to be published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence, is a first small step in addressing this gap. Decades ago, I spoke about the difficulties of parenting when you had no examples to emulate. As a boy, I changed diapers, fed babies, soothed fussiness and performed scores of other child care tasks. During one of our early morning talks, my Mother told me that she was...
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The Relentless School Nurse: Candida Rodriguez is Creating Community Through the Power of Conversations That Matter
Candida Rodriguez is my mentor, while she may disagree with that statement and say it is the opposite, it is the absolute truth. My respect, admiration, and amazement at the depth of her knowledge, talent, and compassion astound me every time we work together. Candida serves her complex and ever-changing community with dedication, skill and a relentless pursuit of coordinating care for her students and families. We are partners in the Community Cafe Initiative that began in 2015 after I...
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The Relentless School Nurse: Parenting with High ACEs – Voices of Lived Expertise
Christine “Cissy” White is leading a movement to make sure that parents with high Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) scores have the resources and support they need to end the trend of generational trauma that so many have i nherited and unknowingly passed on to their children. The voice of the parent is first and foremost in Cissy’s plan of action. To reach this goal, Cissy had to first find her own voice, which she has done brilliantly through writing, speaking and leading workshops.
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The Relentless School Nurse: The Text Message No Parent Wants to Get - An Active Shooter is at School
Many blog readers know that my niece Carly is a survivor of the Parkland shootings at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. You may know that my father also survived a mass murder, and like Carly, hid in a closet until the police arrived. Almost 70 years separated the two tragedies. Our guest blogger this week is my sister Merri, Carly's mom. Merri shares her first-hand account of what happened the afternoon of February 14, 2018, when Carly sent this text, “Mom don’t freak out but we are on...
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The Science Behind Pregnant Fathers (www.huffingtonpost.com)
Before we discuss the science of my being a pregnant father I should divulge that I’ve also been a pregnant grandfather. I know there is much controversy nowadays around imagining that I am pregnant when my wife is the one navigating morning sickness, hormone flooding, weight gain, back pains, labor pains, fears of all of the above and so much more, but the fact is that a mother-to-be or a mother who is about-to-be-a-mother-again needs all the help she can possibly muster and if deciding...
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter January 2020
Hi Folks, The January edition of the Surviving Spirit Newsletter is posted at the website - http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/index.php To sign up for an e-mail copy, please write to me @ mikeskinner@comcast.net or sign up @ Website via Contact Us, Thanks! Michael http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-01-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_January_2020.pdf Contents List : 1] Just Being Outside Can Improve Your Psychological Health, and Maybe Your Physical Health Too by Zoë...
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The Surviving Spirit Newsletter May 2020
Hi Folks, The May edition of the Surviving Spirit Newsletter is posted at the website - http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/index.php or PDF - http://newsletters.survivingspirit.com/pdfs/2020-05-The_Surviving_Spirit_Newsletter_May_2020.pdf To sign up for an e-mail copy, please write to me @ mikeskinner@comcast.net or sign up @ Website via Contact Us, Thanks! Michael . “ Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much.” - Helen Keller The Surviving Spirit Newsletter May 2020 – please...
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The Survivor-Led Trauma Summit Hosted by Svava Brooks
Survivor-led. Free. Online summit about trauma. Any of these things would get my attention but put them all together and I'm intrigued. Yesterday, I heard that Svava Brooks is hosting an online summit about trauma recovery with over 20 guests that she's interviewed and making the content available for free. I had to know more about her and the summit. A Little Bit About Svava Brooks Svava Brooks, mother of three children, has dedicated her life to ending the cycle of child sexual abuse...
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The Taboo of Being a Human Pacifier [TheAtlantic.com]
...According to James J. McKenna, a professor of anthropology and the director of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Lab at the University of Notre Dame, it’s a common idea in Western parenting that parents should restrict their infants’ feeding behaviors. This idea has little to do with babies’ biological well-being, he says; rather, it developed as a safeguard against raising spoiled children whose parents schedule around their whims. The argument stems in part from the 1928 book...
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How to Bring Caring for Kids and Elders (and Other Acts of Love) Into the Economy [yesmagazine.org]
Ask anyone about caregiving, and you’ll likely hear a story about personal sacrifice. Heather Boldon, a single mother from Minnesota, gave up her full-time job to care for her mother. She took a more than 50 percent pay cut, spent down her 401k, and lost her health insurance. When she was injured, she couldn’t visit a doctor to see whether she needed surgery. In New York, Delores McCrae, a home care worker, was evicted from her home and lived in a women’s homeless shelter where she was...
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How to Give Your Kids What You Never Had
As child abuse survivors, we work really hard to do the best we can with our children. We want them to have what we didn’t. So we try to create a healthy, nourishing environment to help our kids grow and thrive in the best way possible. But after working all day, sometimes there isn’t much left of us for our children. That used to bother me a lot. I felt like I wasn’t giving my kids 100% of what they needed from me. Finally, I realized I was trying to give them what “I” felt they needed, not...
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Improve Birth and Perinatal Outcomes with a Trauma Sensitive Approach
The Association for Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health is excited to bring together 10 talented practitioners to explore the Trauma Informed Practices that help improve birth outcomes and support human development right from the very start. The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (1998) launched the importance of trauma and trauma informed care in our health and educational systems. We suddenly had a measure of how early experiences in childhood could correlate with adult disease.
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In honour of my Dad, Remembrance Day 2019
War is most certainly Hell. It is also a source of #ACEs for the children of veterans. Here's a little insight into my story.
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In Photos: A Mother Adjusts to Parenting After Prison [YesMagazine.org]
When Kendra Wright was incarcerated for drug-related offenses at Oregon’s only women’s prison, her then-6-year-old daughter, Selene, was placed in the care of Wright’s grandparents. Prohibited from speaking to Selene, Wright cherished what little contact she had: Wright’s grandmother would call her while Selene was in the same room. “It was the only way I could hear her little voice,” Wright said. But in 2013, Wright was accepted to the Family Preservation Project, an initiative then run by...
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Introducing myself: Cissy White, parent with ACEs who’s parenting with ACEs (and who’s the Parenting with ACEs group's new group manager!)
I learned about the CDC-Kaiser Permanente ACE Study and 10- questionnaire survey only two years ago, and it’s fair to say I’ve been obsessed with it ever since. I’m a mother, a trauma survivor, an activist and a writer. For years, I’ve written personal essays , profile pieces and a few research-style papers about post-traumatic stress disorder, developmental trauma and interpersonal violence. Yet, something was missing. In my own recovery, I’d often say, in therapy and to friends and lovers,...
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Introducing NEW Becoming Trauma-Informed & Beyond Community
Earlier this year @Dawn Daum wrote to us when she was ready to share ACEs science with people in the organization she works in to make a case for moving towards more trauma-informed care for the benefit of the staff and those they serve. She was frustrated because almost all the training and resources she found were geared towards schools, clinical staff or to organizations working with children and families rather than ACE-impacted adults in the workplace and who are...
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Is it a Parenting with ACEs Thing or Just a Parent Thing? Why Is It So Hard to Just Stop?
I have a friend going through a rough patch. She was physically sick with a back to back virus which is no fun for anyone but brutal for a single mother with young children. She got herself and the kids bundled up and out for a full fall day on Saturday and Sunday left her utterly depleted and unable to do much of anything. So she was now not only sick and exhausted but deflated and feeling guilty for not being a better mom, for her kids having a boring day, for not being more fun or active.
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Is Sexism an ACE?
Many of us have experienced sexual assault and/or abuse. The idea that our children could experience the same is terrifying to the point of being paralyzing. Even if our daughters have an ACE score of 0 they will not escape sexism. The upside of so much media coverage about sexual assault, harassment and sexism is that it gives us the opportunity to talk to our kids with a tiny bit of distance. What I mean, is that we can have conversations that are more topical and general, because we are...
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January is Positive Parenting Awareness Month Time to Renew, Refresh & Recharge [Child Parent Institute]
Another year has flown by, leaving me wondering where the time went. As I think about my family’s milestones and memories over the past year, I’m reminded of how often I get consumed by work, my family’s hectic schedule, and the never-ending list of household chores. It’s easy for my family to go through the motions of our daily routines – get up, go to school or work, come home, eat, do homework or work, go to bed, repeat, repeat, repeat – and even be in the same room without really...
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Juggling Act: Boston Mom Champions Community and Self-Care
Marisa Luse was accustomed to juggling multiple roles: as the mother of a three-year-old son, a parent ambassador for the Boston Children’s Museum and a board member for the Boston Association for Childbirth Education. She was used to helping youth and families access and achieve their goals: a healthy family, a school-ready child.
But when leaders of a Community Organizing for Family Issues (COFI) training asked Luse to name priorities for her own growth, she came up blank.
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Jumaane Williams’s Breakthrough Victory Speech (New Yorker)
Editorial note: This is a moving account by Jennifer Gonnerman of triumph over trauma in a just minutes-long election night speech by Jumaane Williams, recently elected Public Advocate for New York City. The video does not include his remarks about being in therapy for three years (important for many to hear) so please read Gonnerman's outstanding report. I was moved by the entire account—his demonstrative affection for his mother and sister and his tribute to his fifth-grade teacher, Ms.
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Just Like My Mother: How We Inherit Our Parents’ Traits and Tragedies [kqed.org]
Sometimes, just when you’re about to leave, you see the past in a new way. For My-Linh Le, she was about to fly to Europe when she thought of her mom. Le is 30, about the same age her mom was when she got on a boat to leave Vietnam. “There was no food and no water and people were dying left and right,” Le remembers her mom telling her. “And every time somebody died, they were just thrown overboard.” Le wasn’t born yet. Her mom was divorced and had two young daughters at the time, but only...
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When Parents Fear "It's All My Fault"
Many of my colleagues in the field of early childhood mental health work with what are termed "high risk" populations. Children of drug addicted parents, victims of child abuse, and families in abject poverty. While the challenges these families face are daunting, I find myself feeling some envy for my colleagues whose clients are in such obvious distress that the need for intensive treatment of parent and infant is not in question. In my rural, small-town population things are not so clear.
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When Should a Child Be Taken from His Parents? (www.newyorker.com)
Excerpt from an article written by B Larissa McFarquhar. The Illustration (above) is by Anna Parini. What should you do if child-protective services comes to your house? You will hear a knock on the door, often late at night. You don’t have to open it, but if you don’t the caseworker outside may come back with the police. The caseworker will tell you you’re being investigated for abusing or neglecting your children. She will tell you to wake them up and tell them to take clothes off so she...
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When the Body Attacks the Mind (www.theatlantic.com)
One day in February 2009, a 13-year-old boy named Sasha Egger started thinking that people were coming to hurt his family. His mother, Helen, watched with mounting panic that evening as her previously healthy son forgot the rules to Uno, his favorite card game, while playing it. She began making frantic phone calls the next morning. By then, Sasha was shuffling aimlessly around the yard, shredding paper and stuffing it in his pockets. “He looked like an old person with dementia,” Helen later...
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When the trauma of a difficult birth leaves mothers devastated, alone (centerforhealthjournalism.org)
While there has been extensive media coverage looking at the health risks faced by mothers before and after they gave birth, as well as the heavy toll of postpartum depression. But less remarked is the emotional trauma and devastation that mothers can face from a difficult labor and delivery. These kinds of birth-related traumas may be far more common than realized: 18 percent of mothers report experiencing post-traumatic symptoms from childbirth, according to one estimate from the 2008...
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When Your Child Is Your PTSD Trigger
One-third of children experience childhood abuse, and yet the question is never asked: what happens when those children grow up and have families of their own?
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When Your Child is Your PTSD Trigger (www.theestablishment.com)
This is one necessary and important contribution written by Dawn Daum. It's honest. There are few resources available to parents with PTSD, especially new parents dealing with the physical and emotional demands of early parenting. When I became a new mother, I was prepared for a lot—but nobody told me that parenting when you have experienced childhood abuse can feel like walking back into a war zone as a soldier with PTSD. Before becoming a mother, I could physically re-shift focus away from...