Tagged With "Raising children who thrive"
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A Landmark Study Has Found Self-Control to be One of the Most Important Predictors of Success – Here’s How to Increase Self-Control In Children (heysigmund.com)
The need for self-control can feel like a tease at times and a bit of a pity, but its influence is spectacularly powerful. A landmark study conducted over three decades has found that the level of self-control children have as five-year olds, is one of the greatest predictors of their health, wealth and success as adults. Knowing how to increase self-control in children can help them on a path that sees them thrive. The Dunedin Multidisciplinary Health and Development Study , a New Zealand...
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A Large Proportion of California Parents Were Abused as Children [Slate.com]
A new survey has found that 1 in 5 California adults cohabitating with children were physically abused in their youth. One in 10 report having been sexually abused as children. Accurate data is essential to interventions in cycles of abuse. It’s difficult to get solid numbers on child abuse, since so much goes unreported, and child welfare advocates will sometimes file neglect reports to remove children from dangerous situations with allegations that are easier to prove . The data was...
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A letter to … My birth mother, who left me in a hedge as a baby, www.guardian.com
Abandonment is the ACE described in this beautifully written letter. You might be my mom. Only you will know. I think about you often. I have visited the place where you left me, in that hedge in a beautiful straw basket with hand-knitted clothes, swathed in a blanket. This is where my identity was forged as a foundling. From that little bundle you left behind in 1965, a great big me was formed. A dog sniffed me out. That day not only changed your life for ever, it changed the dog’s owners’...
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A Love Letter To Those Who Break The Cycle Of Abuse (www.scarymommy.com)
So if you are a parent from a wounded background striving to raise your kids differently, if you are silently waging your own battles the rest of the world can't see, I want you to know that you are awesome. Parenting is damn hard, even with good psycho-emotional tools, so naturally it may feel impossible sometimes. But you've got this. Keep choosing that phone booth. Don't give up. When you feel weary, remember this: The rewards for your efforts to break the cycle of abuse are vast and...
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A Moment with Mr. Rogers (dailygood.org)
“I don’t know whether to call you Fred or Mister Rogers,” I said. “Oh, that’s up to you!” drawled the warm, familiar voice from an office in Pittsburgh. “How do most adults approach you?” “Well, many of them have grown up with the Neighborhood and they invariably call me ‘Mister Rogers.’” He paused, then continued with a dash of excitement. “But you know something I’ve discovered? Friends of ours went to Sweden and they brought back—in fact I’ll reach and hold it while I’m telling you—they...
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A New Look At Young Children Who Experience Trauma [WNPR.org]
An estimated 95,000 young children in Connecticut under age six have experienced a potentially traumatic event. There's a new effort underway in the state to expand services focused on their developmental needs. Early childhood trauma could include physical or sexual abuse, chronic neglect, a serious accident or illness, or loss of a loved one. According to a brief by the Child Health and Development Institute of Connecticut , nearly 45 percent of all youngsters between the ages of two and...
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A New Wave of Caregivers: Men [nytimes.com]
By Courtney E. Martin, The New York Times, September 24, 2019 When you hear the word “caregiver,” what image comes to mind? Most likely it is a woman in her 40s — someone tucking her children in with a phone call to her aging mother before bed. And in fact, this isn’t inaccurate. But did you know that of the 40 million family caregivers in America, nearly half of them are men? According to Jean Accius of AARP, these once invisible men are starting to “come out” publicly. Dr. Accius has...
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A New Year's Message
Happy New Year and forget about old-time resolutions! I’d like to pose something different than loosing weight or getting organized: giving ourselves a gift, the gift of attention. I have a very particular activity to recommend – one that served me very well as I describe in Chapter 5: Coming Our as a Survivor in my book Healing My Life from Incest to Joy: “It came to me one morning as I sat in front of my mirror doing my hair and makeup. I looked into my own eyes and said, “I’m proud of...
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A Post in Honor of World Mental Health Day: ACEs - Childhood Traumas - Are the Mother of Almost All Addiction and Disease.
Community is the anti-trauma. Children who grow up in trauma are wired for trauma -- it is the lens through which they see the world -- unless that trauma is disrupted by a love of peace. That peace comes from quiet moments reading, time in nature, time when there is no fear or expectation. It takes a lot for a parent with high ACEs to learn how to calm the mind and body enough to provide that calm space for children. ACEs are crafty. Their impact pops up across the lifespan, and for women,...
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A prescription for... resiliency? [politico.com]
When mothers arrive at Ruth Slocum’s parenting classes, she encourages them to sit on the floor and play with their babies as they talk about first foods or coping with sleep deprivation. She and her co-instructor offer bubbles to blow, and they snap pictures that the women can later turn into scrapbooks with materials they provide. During mothers-only sessions, the women talk about how to recognize and respond to a baby’s cues and how to manage “big feelings” of their own. Slocum’s...
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A Reconsideration of Children and Screen Time [NYTimes.com]
The digital world is changing around us at a dizzying pace; parents want guidance, and pediatricians want to answer their questions with helpful and scientifically valid advice. The American Academy of Pediatrics’ policy on children and media is probably best known for two recommendations: to discourage any screen time for children under 2, and to limit screen time to two hours a day for older children. As new technologies have transformed many aspects of daily life, new questions have...
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A Reflection of Real Life and the Amazing Influence of People: The Saga of C-PTSD Continues
Cissy Note on Leisa's Amazing Post: This post isn't about parenting, specifically, but it is about C-PTSD which many parents are living with, sorting through and recovering from. I felt so much compassion for and admiration of Leisa reading this. I even felt some compassion for myself. I wonder how many others, while facing our ACEs feel the compassion of others or ourselves? I wonder if anyone, while battling symptoms, feels respected or admired? There can be so much shame. I hope that if...
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A Relative Stranger (www.lilacsinoctober.wordpress.com)
Arwen Faulkner wrote this stunning piece about her father, ACEs, their relationships and his death. Like life, it's complex, painful and beautiful all at the same time. What I know about my father could fit on a grain of sand. He wore Drakkar Noir cologne, rode a Harley Davidson, and loved Jimi Hendrix. And he was an addict with a brilliant mind who struggled most of his life to shake the monkey off his back, until one day, that nasty monkey killed him. A few other things I wish I didn’t...
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A Second Wound: A Survivor's Decision to Cut Ties with Family (www.triggerpointsanthology.com)
This is a beautiful and painful essay to read. Many with one or some ACEs struggle with if, when and how to take space or keep contact with one or more family members. There's no pain-free scenario that I've heard of. Sometimes there's more pain with contact and sometimes, more pain with distance. It's often a journey but not one written much about. Excerpt: I have come a long way. From the fractured child who was silenced when I tried to speak up about my abuse to the whole and healthy...
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A Shared Sentence The Devastating Toll of Parental Incarceration on Kids, Families and Communities (www.acef.org) & Commentary
Here's a link to the policy report put out earlier this year by the Annie E. Casey Foundation. Here's a summary of what's in it in case you want to explore it more. More than 5 million U.S. children have had a parent in jail or prison at some point in their lives. The incarceration of a parent can have as much impact on a child’s well-being as abuse or domestic violence. But while states spend heavily on corrections, few resources exist to support those left behind. A Shared Sentence offers...
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A Sherpa Helping Us Scale Mountains of Loss & Fear: The Impact of Sebern Fisher's Work
“You can recover from all that happened to you.” That was the dose of hope I received from Sebern Fisher during a short telephone interview. She is the author of Neurofeedback in the Treatment of Developmental Trauma: Calming the Fear-Driven Brain. Her book is excellent even if you never plan on using neurofeedback. She helps explain why and how developmental trauma devastates and how it is different than single-incident trauma or traditional post-traumatic stress. Honestly – if you read her...
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A single Denver mom learns to manage toxic stress and tighten family bonds [CPR.org]
Katrina Haselgren sits outside with her 3-year-old son Giovanni having "mommy and me" time. Her older sons are at school. “What’s that noise?” she asks him gently. “A grasshopper,” Giovanni says softly. The...
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A Staffer’s Take On The Intersection Of Race, Trauma, And The Summit
Voices for Virginia’s Children held The Virginia Summit on Childhood Trauma and Resilience on April 25, 2019. The Summit featured an array of workshops, including The Intersection of Racial Inequity and Trauma led by The Southside Trauma-Informed Community Network . The presenters identified and discussed the challenges of racial inequities and how trauma may later present within people of color. The supporting organization of the Southside Trauma-Informed Community Network, the Crater...
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Effects of Preterm Birth
A baby born prematurely often spends that crucial time for attachment and development of neural pathways in the NICU
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Eleanor Scott on Facing her Fear of Abandonment in www.Guardian.com
I love this essay about adult love and childhood abandonment. Maybe we are parenting and helping our children through grief and loss due to death, divorce, desertion or abandonment. Maybe we've been there ourselves. Children often can't or won't verbalize what they are thinking or feeling at the time. Maybe we read it in their body language. Maybe we need to ask. And sometimes it's just wonderful to read about the real lives of complex people doing such as being brave in love. This part...
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Emergency Department Admissions for Child Sexual Abuse in the United States from 2010 to 2016 [jamanetwork.com]
By Jesse J. Helton, Jason T. Carbone, et al., JAMA Pediatrics, November 4, 2019 For children who have been sexually abused, emergency department (ED) professionals provide immediate medical care, including testing and treatment for sexually transmitted infections, prophylaxis for potential HIV exposure, and emergency contraception. In some cases, ED clinicians conduct forensic examinations to assist with child protection and criminal investigations. Physicians and nurses in EDs are among the...
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Emotional Violence In Childhood, Adolescence Associated With Suicidal Thoughts (scienceblog.com)
Early exposure to emotional violence “significantly” increases the chances that youths will contemplate suicide, according to new research from three countries conducted by Washington University in St. Louis’ Brown School. “We find the odds of suicide ideation are consistently and significantly greater for adolescents who report overexposure to emotional violence,” said Lindsay Stark , associate professor and co-author of the study “ A Sex-disaggregated Analysis of How Emotional Violence...
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Empowering Kids In An Anxious World [NPR.org]
Rates of anxiety and depression among teens in the U.S. have been rising for years. According to one study , nearly one in three adolescents (ages 13-18) now meets the criteria for an anxiety disorder, and in the latest results from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 32 percent of teens reported persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness. And there's more bad news, grown-ups: The authors of two new parenting books believe you're part of the...
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Engaging Parents, Developing Leaders A Self-Assessment and Planning Tool for Nonprofits and Schools & Commentary from a Parent (aecf.org)
I finally had a chance to read this 34-page document. It's great to see parental engagement being addressed in such an in-depth way. While it might seem common-sense obvious that parental engagement efforts are crucial - they aren't always done well or at all. This toolkit is wonderful but it's not perfect. It asks a lot of important questions which help an organization think about what it does or doesn't do already. It offers a lot of resources for further research as well as some real-life...
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Ensuring Young Children Have Healthy Meals During the Coronavirus Pandemic [clasp.org]
By Rebecca Ullrich, CLASP, March 23, 2020 Practically overnight, the coronavirus pandemic has dramatically altered the daily lives of our nation’s children and families. While everyone—regardless of race, age, gender, or socioeconomic status—is experiencing the pandemic’s effects, the long-term fallout won’t affect all of us equally. Families with low incomes, communities of color, immigrant families, women, the elderly, and people with disabilities who have long been economically...
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Erasing My ACES
Why I hid ACES from my medical records in order to receive equal treatment.
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Even Science Agrees, You Literally Can’t Spoil A Baby (www.scarymommy.com) & Commentary
Note: Personal experience and research combined are pretty dang persuasive and compelling. There are lots of people who are still very resistant to attachment parenting and sometimes consider it extreme. I know because when my daughter was first home from China I practiced this style of parenting. Being responsive to her wants and needs and cues was priority number one because she'd been in an environment where her needs weren't always met. However, had I not adopted and learned about...
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Every Woman Was Once a Girl: Why We Need to Talk About the Unique Biological Effects of #ToxicChildhoodStress and #FemaleAdversity on Women’s Bodies and Brains
This is Part Two of my Female Adversity: The Female Body and Brain on Toxic Stress series. (CRUCIAL NOTE HERE BEFORE YOU READ: Boys’ immune systems become dysregulated in response to #toxicstress too, and that leads to disease and changes to the brain that we also need to talk about more openly AND compassionately. Today I’m focusing on girls’ unique immune response to #toxicstress.) So, exactly what happens in a girl’s body, in response to #toxicstress, that leads girls to be more likely to...
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EveryDay Strong: Teaching kids about family history helps increase resilience [heraldextra.com]
Resilience, or the ability to overcome challenges in life, is a trait many parents hope their children will develop. Resilient children are more likely to have good emotional and mental health. Research has shown that children who know more about their families and family history are more resilient and tend to do better when facing challenges in life. This may be because seeing patterns of overcoming failures and surviving hard times can help children recognize that people can recover and...
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Expectation vs. Reality (www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org)
Excerpts from a post by Lorraine Fuller published on the Attachment Trauma Network (ATN) blog . You don’t have to be fine
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Exposure to Abuse May Lead to Poor Heart Health in Kids [medpagetoday.com]
Children and adolescents who suffer adversity, including abuse, throughout childhood tend to have poorer cardiometabolic health, according to an American Heart Association committee report. All forms of abuse, including bullying, neglect, or witnessing violence, are linked to a greater increased risk of cardiovascular disease, said the report, authored by Shakira F. Suglia, ScD, of Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health in New York City, and colleagues writing in Circulation.
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Extra love and support doesn't make up for being a helicopter parent [MedicalXpress.com]
It's time for helicopter parents to land and stay grounded. New research by professors at Brigham Young University revealed that parental warmth cannot neutralize the consequences of helicopter parenting . Additionally, a lack of...
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Facing a suicide crisis in his country, this African psychiatrist enlisted grandmothers to step in (washingtonpost.com)
On any given afternoon in a discreet area outside health clinics in the capital of Harare, and surrounding cities, an elder woman can be found on a bench listening intently to another person’s stories. She’s affectionately called a “grandmother,” an appropriate term for her role offering comfort, encouragement and a ready ear. But she’s no one’s grandmother, at least not of the people who sit with her on the bench. Rather, she’s one of 300 older Zimbabwean women who have been trained to...
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Familiar With Any Summer Camps or Programs for COAs?
There are some great trauma-sensitive camps and other summer programs that are being planned for children impacted by parental addiction. We’d love to create a list for people who contact us looking for these opportunities, but WE NEED YOU! Let us know about programs available in your area, whether a workshop, weekly meeting, or weekend camp by emailing info or the website URL to nacoa@nacoa.org. We will post this list on our website and social media. Thank you to everyone who provides...
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Family Anxiety Challenge - Changing the Neural Pathways In Our Brains
I am a therapist who has to make an effort each day to manage my anxiety and negative emotions. Therapists are not usually open about their mental health in our culture; we are looked to as the expert and someone who has it "all together." But I became a therapist for two reasons, to help understand my brain, and to use what I learned to help others. I find that being transparent about my mental health inspires others to share their truths. Human beings are a work in progress. We know this...
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Family First Scholarships for 21st Annual Families and Fathers Conference
21st Annual Families and Fathers National Conference February 24-27, 2020 Hilton Los Angeles Airport 5711 West Century Boulevard Los Angeles, California 90045 I am honored to announce The Family First Scholarship supported by the Annie E. Casey Foundation as a Title Sponsor and State of California First 5 as a Co-Sponsor for the 21 st Annual Families and Fathers Conference, Next Level 2020! the terms "putting family first" and "it takes a village to raise a child" parallels with why we have...
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Family Hui becomes key local tool in fighting cycle of abuse [DaviseEnterprise.com]
A program long used in Hawaii to strengthen families and, by extension, communities, has been making a quiet but powerful impact since its arrival in Yolo County two years ago. Family Hui (pronounced HOO-ee) brings together groups of families with young children who live in close proximity to each other. The groups meet with a trained peer leader for 12 weeks with a focus on positive parenting, child development and shared experiences. Many Huis then continue to meet — sometimes for many...
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Family Media Plan helps parents set boundaries for kids [AAPPublications.org]
It can be overwhelming for parents to manage all of the media options available to children and adolescents around the clock and sort out the pros and cons of screen time. While media use can help build kids’ social skills, it also can put them at risk of obesity, lost sleep, bullying, addiction and violence, according to new guidance from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). To help families navigate the digital world, the AAP has developed a Family Media Plan. Parents and children can...
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Family Resilience And Connection Promote Flourishing Among US Children, Even Amid Adversity (www.healthaffairs.org)
Abstract below and link to open access article written by Christina D. Bethell , Nangerel Gombojav , and Robert C. Whitaker and published in Health Affairs Link to open access article written by Christina D. Bethell , Nangerel Gombojav , and Robert C. Whitaker .
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Family Separation: It’s a Problem for U.S. Citizens, Too (www.nytimes.com)
Excerpts from article written by Shaila Dewan . To read the rest of this article in the New York Times by Shaila Dewan, go here .
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Family Spirit program aims to help Native parents improve kids’ prospects [minnpost.com]
Everyone loves their children but not everyone understands that the way we care for the youngest among us will have an impact on our society for years to come. With that reality in mind, a new program run by Headway Emotional Health Services , a Twin Cities-based mental health provider for families, aims to improve the parenting skills of at-risk American Indian parents by helping them learn to give their infant-to-preschool-aged children the support they need to be prepared for success...
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Father and Son – Two Grown Men Saying Goodbye (upliftconnect.com)
James Blunt wrote and filmed the song for his father who is dying of cancer and does not have long to live. He asked his father to be in the video. The words, ‘You’re not my father, I’m not your son. We’re just two grown men saying goodbye.’ astound me. The spiritual significance in these words is monumental. The dignity and the honour that is imbued in these words is so humbling. I interpret those words as: beyond our assigned Earthly roles of father and son, as equals on this spiritual...
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Father's Day for the Rest of Us
How do you manage Father's Day as an adult? How did everyone do on Father's Day? It's one of those holidays that can be so complicated for many of us. Maybe there's angst, anger or ambivalence? Maybe there's appreciation too. I wrote about how it has shifted for me since I found that my father died. I didn't expect to feel so much relief. I love having a dead dad. For the first time in my life I know where he is on Father’s Day. He is not homeless, alcoholic, absent or violent. He is no...
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Father Sues Child Protective Services for ‘Kidnapping’ His Kids As Black Children Are Disproportionately Placed In Foster Care (www.atlantablackstar.com)
Excerpt from article by David Love.
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Fathering as a Survivor - Ray Charles (www.triggerpointsanthology.com)
We hear too little from men about having survived childhood abuse and even less about how that abuse impacts their fathering. This series about fathering as a survivor is helping to change that. They've done a complete interview with Ray Charles. Here's an excerpt. 7. What would you tell another survivor father who is expecting their first child? You have 9 months and counting to help yourself to try and climb out of your own issues (sounds easy, its not). This little person will need you...
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Fathering as a Survivor (www.triggerpointsanthology.com)
We don't hear enough from men who have been abused as children. Byron Hamel is helping to change that. This is an interview done with Hamel by the Trigger Points Anthology website . It's the first in a series they are running about fathering as a survivor of childhood abuse. If you can't read the entire thing, and you should, please read this: I honestly think most people believe an abused boy is inherently going to become an abusive or neglectful dad. I gotta call bullshit on that one,...
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Fatherlessness is harder on Father's Day, but 'father figures,' other role models fill in (usatoday.com)
More than one in four fathers in the United States who have children 18 or younger now lives apart from their children, according to Pew. A movement is growing toward shared parenting or at least collegial “co-parenting” that recognizes the importance of having two parents in children's lives. And in states like Virginia and Kentucky, legislation was recently passed to encourage joint custody. At the same time, federal health officials, educators, doctors, social workers and researchers are...
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Fathers Affected by Early Life Trauma May Impact Later Generations Through Sperm MicroRNAs [whatisepigenetics.com]
When it comes to reproductive health, it’s no secret that a pregnant mother’s choices and environment can severely impact her child’s epigenetics and health—especially mothers suffering from PTSD . But it turns out fathers who have suffered significant stress early on in their life may also epigenetically impact the physical and mental health of their offspring. It was previously thought that fathers only passed DNA to the mother’s egg during fertilization, but it was recently discovered...
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Fathers & ACEs with Trauma Dad & Father's Uplift CEO: Tuesday, September 12th
What supports exist to "uplift" fathers who have survived abandonment, abuse or torture as children? Where can men go to discuss the joys, struggles and issues of being a father with ACEs? Where are the men who face hard, heavy and complicated realities to make life easier and lighter for all who come after? We found two of them and they will be the featured guests in the next Parenting with ACEs chat . Meet Charles Clayton Daniels, Jr. of Father's Uplift and "Trauma Dad" Byron Hamel. Both...
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Fathers & ACEs / Quotes & Resources
Below, please find excerpts from the fabulous Fathers & ACEs chat we had a few weeks ago. Resources and healing approaches mentioned during the chat are listed as well. For the complete transcript , go here and for more about the featured guests, go here. We will have more for/by fathers in Parenting with ACEs going forward. ACEs as Assessment Discussion Parenting Forgiveness Resources Mentioned Organization: Guardians of the Children Canada TedTalk: Nadine Burke Harris, How Childhood...