We don't hear enough from men who have been abused as children. Byron Hamel is helping to change that.
This is an interview done with Hamel by the Trigger Points Anthology website. It's the first in a series they are running about fathering as a survivor of childhood abuse.
If you can't read the entire thing, and you should, please read this:
I honestly think most people believe an abused boy is inherently going to become an abusive or neglectful dad. I gotta call bullshit on that one, because I really am great, and my abuser went to death row for how he treated children.
Also this:
I knew I’d have to work harder than people with good childhoods. I knew that I needed to make damn sure that I myself would never be an abusive parent. So I worked very hard to improve my character. I did everything I could to become a better person, so that I could be a good daddy. I stayed clean and sober. I practiced kindness. I found ways to serve others with no expectations of reward. I brought myself to account for any good or bad that I may have done in the run of a day. I researched and delved into various religions and philosophies, and developed wisdom and skills I could pass on to my children.
And this:
You are not the people who abused you. You are your own person. You are responsible for your own life. If you have not corrected your own behavior, get on it. I can help you. Instinct and behavior are NOT the same. Thinking horrible thoughts doesn’t make you a bad person. Doing horrible things DOES. Either way, if you do think horrible thoughts, you have a lot of work to do. Don’t be ashamed of seeking professional help, or confiding in a trusted person who has been through what you’ve been through.
But you really WANT to read the full interview. REALLY! REALLY! REALLY! Also, Hamel has an excellent blog called Trauma Dad
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